11 Characteristics In Women That Men Are Obsessed With

There’s no doubt that single women today are receiving a lot of mixed messages about what truly attracts men to them and what it even means to be feminine. One day, a woman might hear that spending even a minute thinking about what characteristics men like in women is an utter waste of time and that caring at all about being seen as “feminine” is silly and old-fashioned. And yet, the next day, she might hear that the key to getting a guy’s attention is by only wearing dresses, always speaking softly, and knowing her way around the kitchen – oh, and, of course, banishing anything from her personality and lifestyle that could possibly be construed as “masculine.”

This leaves single women in a bit of a lurch. The notion that feminine characteristics are inherently weak and shouldn’t be prized in any sense feels rather sexist, but many of the ways women are encouraged to embrace their femininity feel shallow, meaningless, and frivolous. Is femininity really just about wearing dresses and always smiling? Or might there be something more to the qualities in women that attract men – something perhaps more substantial than fashion?

Jenny White, one of Evie’s own writers and the head of lovepilled.com, would say so: “There are some misconceptions, especially in many ‘trad’ circles, that being feminine is wearing a dress, baking pies and acting like a pick-me girl to any high-value man who comes along. That’s not what femininity is. Femininity is indeed defined as being nurturing and giving, but not to any a**hole who comes along who shows you the slightest bit of attention. And it’s definitely not something you give away freely to any man just because it’s said to be your ‘prescribed role’ as a woman.”

So what are the feminine characteristics that men are obsessed with? Where should women direct their attention when hoping to nurture their femininity without turning it into a caricature and reducing it to knowing how to bake cookies?

Self-Respect

There are few things as magnetic as a woman who understands her worth. Men are drawn to women who have healthy standards, values, and desires from their partner. Dr. Nicole LePera, author and holistic psychologist, says that self-respect isn’t only rare, but that it’s the most attractive trait you can have: “People who respect themselves are: transparent, compassionate, and unwilling to betray themselves or anyone else for short term pleasure or status.” For men, landing a woman with self-respect feels like the ultimate win.

Warmth

You know those people who instantly make you feel relaxed? Who are charming and easy to be around? Who always have something encouraging and uplifting to say? Who naturally care for and nurture others? You’d probably describe them as being warm. And it’s not difficult to understand why men would so deeply value this quality in women. Warmth makes for a deep relationship in which both partners feel valued, free to be fully known, and secure in the connection.

Passion

Whether a woman has a flourishing career outside the home, wants to be a homemaker above all else, or would prefer to strike a balance in between, what men will find irresistible is if she’s passionate, not lukewarm, about her desires. A woman who has a zest for her life specifically is magnetic. “​​Passion makes you seem powerful, ambitious, and exciting to be around. When people get a sense of how pumped you are about the things you love to do, it pulls them toward you,” says Dr. Greg Kushnick, a Manhattan-based psychologist.

Kindness

Yes, it’s stereotypical, but it’s also just true – men like women who are gentle, caring, and tender. In a 2014 study published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, researchers from the University of Rochester found that men strongly desired “responsiveness” in a partner, described in the study as someone who is “supportive of another’s needs and goals.” Need an example of what that means? Answering an anecdote with, “Wow, that must have been really difficult,” was considered to be responsive, whereas saying, “That’s not that big of a deal,” is unresponsive. Responsive women were perceived as more feminine and more attractive by the men in the study, which just goes to show that kindness goes a long way.

Openness

While it’s true that men will often naturally take on the role of the “leader,” this doesn’t mean that they don’t want women who are open to new possibilities, experiences, and adventures. Aren’t we all drawn to people whose first response to something new is one of excitement and interest? A 2020 study of over 40,000 participants reported that “being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships,” so it’s not surprising that women perceived to be open would catch the attention of men.

Drivenness

It’s well-known that women are immediately attracted to a man who’s driven, but is the feeling mutual? Yes, it is. While men generally aren’t too concerned about a woman’s job title or income, what does get a guy to do a double take is a woman who’s self-motivated, whatever her goals might be. This isn’t to say that men will only go after boss babes, but a vision to do something good and meaningful is a universally attractive quality that will get the attention of guys who are husband material.

Class

Another quality that men can’t get enough of? Classiness. What exactly does it mean to be classy? It doesn’t have to do with financial status as much as it has to do with the way you conduct yourself. A woman with class is one who can easily adapt to any situation, who always strives to be thoughtful, elegant, and conscientious, and who’s careful to reflect well on her man.

Confidence

Being feminine and being confident aren’t mutually exclusive – they’re actually complementary. Confidence is a highly desirable trait to men because it indicates that a woman is secure, self-assured, stable, even-keeled, and composed. “It shows people that you’re comfortable with yourself, which grants you a certain poise, charm, or assertiveness. It also implies that you don’t need to compete with anyone or belittle anyone else to lift yourself up; as a result, confident people are more willing to praise others because they aren’t worried about making themselves look worse. All of this clearly accounts for the general attractiveness of confidence, if for no other reason than its general positivity,” writes Mark D. White, Ph.D., in Psychology Today. What could be more attractive than that?

Humor

For men, there are few things as attractive as a woman who not only knows how to be silly, witty, and laugh, but who specifically thinks he’s funny. While guys aren’t opposed to dating a woman who thinks herself a stand-up comedian, it’s not the most important quality for him in a partner. But what will always get a guy’s attention is a woman who thinks he’s hilarious, according to a study from the University of Miami.

Humility

You think men can’t like confidence and humility in a woman? Think again. Humility is easily one of the most attractive traits a woman can possess. Contrary to popular belief, humility isn’t as much about being modest as it is about being honest. “The humble see their strengths and weaknesses accurately and are inclined to altruism. Such people would be apt to treat romantic partners well and to act in ways that support their bond,” writes Temma Ehrenfeld for Psychology Today. And studies back this claim up. A series of experiments published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that people with higher perceived levels of humility were considered to be more attractive than with lower perceived levels of humility.

Positivity

At the risk of sounding cliché, there are few things as charming as someone who sees the glass as being half full rather than half empty. In a 2015 study from the University of California Irvine, researchers found that we’re likely to feel closer to someone who shows positive emotions. “Our findings provide new evidence of the significance of positive emotions in social settings and highlight the role that positive emotions display in the development of new social connections. … People are highly attuned to the positive emotions of others and can be more attuned to others’ positive emotions than negative emotions,” said Belinda Campos, lead study author.

Closing Thoughts

Sure, men like a woman in a dress who’s soft and sweet and makes an incredible apple pie. What’s not to like there? But that’s hardly the extent of what it means to be feminine, and that barely scratches the surface of what men look for in a woman. While every guy’s “type” might vary, these are a few female characteristics that the grand majority of men will undoubtedly be obsessed with.

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.