5 Ways Single Girls Are Repelling Good-Hearted Masculine Men

We've got an answer for you, but it's probably not what you're expecting.

The truth is that women are unconsciously repelling good-hearted men every day. Leadership-over-love messages aimed toward women are pervasive and make them susceptible to unconsciously leading in their love lives. So, what's a girl to do?

It's time we dig deep and recover ageless principles of feminine energy which inspire habits that look and feel different and, in the end, attract the kind of love we're searching for.

Here are 5 ways single girls are repelling good-hearted, masculine men.

1.  Speaking First Instead of Flirtatiously Signaling

Signaling is a lost art and smartphones have vacuumed the spirit of chemistry out of daily life for available singles. If you wish to be married, and you move about the world during your day while looking at your phone, you could be adding years of loneliness to your journey. Put your phone in your bag, sis – and start signaling! I learned signaling from Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to I Do. Signaling means smiling with your eyes at a man you instinctively notice, for five seconds (which will feel like an eternity) – and waiting for him to approach and speak first.

When I began appointments with Dr. Pat she said, “If you do everything I tell you, you’ll be engaged in two years.” I took all her suggestions, read every book she recommended, and was engaged within eighteen months, at age 40. Time galloped while I was working with Pat. I was dating with high standards and I signaled everywhere I went! I’d lean against the pastry case in line for my morning latte and smile at a cute guy, instead of staring at my phone. If he didn’t approach, I wouldn’t get discouraged – I’d just signal again elsewhere on my lunch break.

Signaling is Like Breathing

I don’t suggest you decide “oh, I am going to signal today.” Just add it to your daily routine and watch it change your life. You may feel a little sleazy at first, but we both know it’s probably quite the opposite – Pat used to say, “sluts don’t signal.” It’s too virtuous and intimate! Signaling is freeing and flirtatious. Breaking through shyness with a warm smile and eye contact creates thoroughfares toward emotional intimacy on the inside of a willing girl. While I was dating, I felt protected by my standard of no sex without a marital commitment. I felt secure, so I could let go and allow. I’d flirt and wait for him to say hello. When the masculine energy leader speaks first, the feminine energy follower listens to see if she likes his voice. Letting him speak first and responding is an energetic imprint between you that you’ll rely on for a lifetime, just like the blueprint for a home.

2.  Mothering Him

That loving, providing, thoughtful gal who is just so giving and caring? She is likely exerting masculine energy. According to Dr. Pat, mothering energy is masculine energy. Masculine energy provides, feminine energy receives. Just like men have a little bit of estrogen and women have a little bit of testosterone, we all have both masculine and feminine energies within. Choosing feminine energy as your prominent energy in a romantic relationship attracts a masculine leader and provides for harmony. A feminine woman can choose to exert her masculine energy at work and while mothering her children, but don’t use your masculine energy to mother or lead on a date! 

Please Do Not Wipe Your Date’s Chin

Women instinctively mother, and sometimes unconsciously - to maintain a sense of control. But it is an illusion of control. Take a deep breath, don’t panic about gaps of silence, let go and let him lead. This makes for great chemistry and fun dates! Coaxing responses via text with lots of information about yourself and warm fuzzy questions for him is also mothering. Just write “it’s nice to hear from you!” Answer necessary questions, be warm and receptive, but keep it short and sweet - give him the chance to pursue you and get in person! If you’re generously providing ideas, solutions, suggestions for him, etc., you are exerting masculine (mothering) energy. If he’s a masculine leader, he could find this unattractive. Giving is his job - receiving is hers. A healthy feminine energy response to a masculine leader is “I’m sure you’ve got this.”

3.  Seeking Respect for Her Profession

If a single gal needs validation about work from a guy she just met, it might be time to find a more fulfilling job. An empowered woman who is overflowing with joy about her career, and knows that it won’t ever be as important as being a wife and mother, does not need to turn a date into a staff meeting where she is respected for her ideas.

Masculine leaders seek respect - listen up on the date, so you can sense if he deserves yours. Calmly pay attention and notice if he is cherishing you. I wasted so much time as a single, swinging my big fancy musical talents and endeavors around, and seeking respect on dates. It took years of emotional pain and isolation to realize men don’t seek to marry a workplace success – they seek a loyal, trustworthy, mature woman.

4.  Planning Dates

If you send out an energetic “scooch over, I’ve got this” and take over planning the date, you could kill off chemistry with a masculine man. Avoid conclusions about him, his choices or his way of doing it. Who cares if you know a better spot, it's just a chance for you two to meet in person, get eyes on each other’s hygiene and charisma, and find out if you have common interests. If he doesn’t choose the best place in town, give him a pass. Don’t be petty and picky (there is plenty of time for that). Let him lead, let him pay, let him tell you enough about himself to reveal the compliment that it is – him talking about himself means he’s trying to get in the running, to beat out anyone else trying to date you. Listen and breathe in the flattery and get a sense of how you feel in his presence. Then detach and keep moving, allowing for more to be revealed.

Let Him Lead, Let Him Pay

This is not easy! Working women are accustomed to regularly managing life. Booking cars, trips with points, brunch rezzies, handling tipping - as empowered females, it’s fantastic! But it is a skill set you do not need on a date as a surrendered single. Go ahead and relax. You need the break, so let him give it to you. While I was working full time as a singer/songwriter, I could not even allow a man to hold a door open for me. I was self-righteous, egoic and proud, but deep down I was isolated and lonely. I once had dinner with a man who grabbed the check while I went for my wallet. He said, “can you just, not?” He looked so tired, and almost sad. What hit me in that moment was that it uplifts a man when a woman receives. Going for my wallet to pay for my half was actually stealing a gratifying chance for him to cherish me.

Sharing with someone you just met can kill off chemistry fast or stoke flash fires of ‘instant intimacy’ that don’t age well. Intimacy develops in comfortable silence and the healthy tension of the unknown.

5.  Oversharing

A common misconception about intimacy is that it means you can say or share anything and feel comfortable. Nope – quite the opposite. Some things are difficult to share. Premature sharing with someone you just met can kill off chemistry fast or stoke flash fires of “instant intimacy” that don’t age well. Intimacy develops in comfortable silence and the healthy tension of the unknown. Not being able to comfortably share with a man you just met is not an indication of a problem – it is an indication of self-esteem in the woman who is waiting to see if she trusts enough to reveal more about herself!

It’s Okay to Allow Uncertainty

Radical openness about your day, friendships, work commitments and how you feel about them via DMs on apps or in person, is seen in movies and the media, but IRL? It's unnecessary and draining. Watch some old movies and bask in the healthy, hot romantic tension. It’s there because they are not incessantly sharing every life detail! Feeling uncertain is ok. Leave room for mystery and unexpected grace.

These are ageless concepts and old-world ideas that have kept humanity reproducing for the ages - they aren’t new. You likely already know everything in this article, but the culture has smeared it. I didn’t invent this stuff; I just teach women to reclaim it so they can thrive and get married.

If you want to learn more on this topic, I dive deeper into these 5 spoilers in the handbook section of my memoir about my experiences with Dr. Pat, Eve’s Second Chance.