Struggling to Stay Close With Your Long-Distance Bestie? Try These 6 Tips

Distance can make it challenging to maintain friendships, so if you and your best friend find yourselves living in different places, you may be worried you’ll drift apart or find yourselves out of touch with each other’s lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. My lifelong best friend and I are both from California, and after her move to Wisconsin three years ago, I've found that our bond is now stronger than ever.

Here are 6 strategies I've used to keep my ride-or-die and I close!

1. Find a Balance

Set realistic expectations for how often you’ll talk! Having to rely solely on your phone to talk to your best friend can be hard to navigate, and it can take time to gauge what is too much or too little. Give each other grace as you figure it out. It’s a good idea to consider the style of connection both of your personalities prefer. One of you may be more of the affectionate type who wants to text all day, and the other may be a more detached person who is good with a phone call every week or two. Neither is bad, it just depends on the way you feel most valued in your relationships, and the key is to find a balance between the two! Fortunately, if you’re a pair with a strong bond, then you already know each other’s needs and communication styles pretty well. Even if your needs are different, you wouldn’t be best friends if you hadn’t already figured out how to make each other feel valued, so lean into that! 

2. Remember It’s a Two-way Street

Your best friend needs a listening ear as much as you do, so make sure you’re asking about what’s going on in her life as much as you’re spilling your own tea. My best friend and I don’t always have tons of time to talk on the phone, and when we do I sometimes catch myself monopolizing the whole phone call talking about my own drama. It’s genuinely just as important to me to hear what’s going on with her as it is for me to give my own updates, so I try to keep this in mind and make sure I’m listening as much as I’m yapping. Life is a rollercoaster, and if you don’t give each other the chance to share the most pressing issues of this week, they might not even be relevant next week! Friendship is a two-way street, and you want to be sure you’re giving as much as you’re taking.

3. A Little Goes A Long Way

Don’t underestimate the importance of micro check-ins. In busy times, remember to send quick texts to reassure your best friend that you’re still thinking about her. Life is chaotic, and you won’t always have time to FaceTime for an hour, but letting each other know that you’re there means a lot. A text as simple as “Miss you!”, “Hope you have an amazing day!”, or “It’s gonna be a crazy couple of days but I’ll talk to you after” goes a long way. It doesn’t always have to take much to communicate to your friend that you value them, and little efforts like this not only mean a lot, but can also help you to respect each other’s time better.

4. Get Creative!

Come up with fun little rituals to make communication special! You and your bestie can get creative with some cute habits or games to play with each other. For example, when my best friend and I are on the phone, we have a rule where the person who answered has to say three nice things about the person who called. Some other fun ideas are Monday fit checks, creating a shared playlist and adding new songs every few weeks, and making influencer-like videos just for each other with silly topics like grocery store hauls or rating your skincare products. Another habit that my best friend and I have is one where we send the same $9 back and forth via Venmo and write descriptions that make it look like we're having all kinds of fun together (even though we haven’t been together in months). We do it partially to confuse people, but mostly just to treat each other. You and your best friend can take some of these ideas, or create other rituals based on your own unique personalities and inside jokes!

5. Plan Your Next Reunion

Prioritize visiting each other as much as you can! Travel is expensive and time consuming, but if you can manage to find the time and funds to take a trip, using that to visit your best friend is always a good idea. While it is absolutely possible to keep your friendship alive over digital communication, there’s nothing better than creating new memories with your best friend in person. Even if it’s only once a year, try to always have a future reunion to look forward to. Knowing when you’ll see each other next can make the physical distance between you feel a lot smaller, and it’s also exciting to plan what you’ll do together! Whether you and your bestie are planning a destination girls trip or a simple weekend in your hometown, what matters most is getting to spend time in each other’s company. 

6. No Such Thing As “Boring”

Remember to share the little moments of your day with each other as much as the big news. The simple day to day experiences that you and your best friend used to share like going for walks, running errands, or having “girl dinner” while watching movies are the many small building blocks that have made the foundation of your friendship. While the little things may not have seemed so important when you and your best friend lived in the same place, sharing in each other’s everyday life is likely something that gave your friendship a lot of depth and meaning. Spending daily life together is one of the things you’ll miss the most about living in the same place, so don’t underestimate sharing the mundane over the phone! For example, a picture of your coffee order or a voice note listing all of the random little things you did today can make you and your best friend feel more authentically present in each other’s lives. Sharing the “boring” things in your day plays a huge role in helping you stay close and connected, and can make you both feel like you’re still sitting right next to each other!

Being far apart from your best friend is hardly ideal, but it doesn’t mean that you have to lose the bond you’ve built. When two people value their friendship and desire to maintain it, the extra effort made to bridge the distance will only make their relationship stronger. True friendship can overcome any challenge, and distance is no exception.