6 Ways Your Man Should Be Leading Your Relationship

A man who leads is a man who makes decisions, establishes (and respects) boundaries, and looks ahead for your needs and those of the relationship. It’s not about being in charge; instead, it’s all about being the one taking care. Care is the important word here. Caring for the other person is the foundation of loving the other person, and if not done well, there is no rich soil for love to be nurtured. 

Vito Corleone said it best: "Women and children can be careless, but not men." This line emphasizes the need for men to be vigilant and careful in their actions. Ultimately, it points out men’s role as protectors and leaders.

Here are six ways a man should be demonstrating leadership in your relationship:

He Must Have a Clear Sense of Direction in Life

He doesn’t need to have it all figured out, but his values, goals, and intentions should be clear. A man who is unsure of where he is going is more likely to be the type of guy who is unsure of where things are going with you. It’s important that in the talking and early dating stages, as you are getting to know him, you should also get an idea of what he is aiming at in his life. As the relationship develops, a more detailed picture will come to life and as engagement and marriage approach, a shared sense of direction develops. 

Beware of the man who expects you to take the lead. As much as you should communicate all your dreams, hopes, and desires, be sure not to be the one pushing for commitment, an engagement, or children. As in dancing, he needs to hold your hand and move through all the twists and turns (perhaps, jumps!) leading you. 

Surely, you also have your own sense of purpose and direction, but allowing a man to lead means that he sets the pace for commitment. For example, women are more likely to bring up the “What are we?” conversation, and a man’s response to it is a declaration of his intentions. A man unable to answer is a clear red flag, and while you have all the right and reason to bring it up, do not project an answer for him. Doing so may give you validation in the short term, but it will result in disappointment in the long term. 

He Provides 

Providing is not just about the material, but about a disposition to care for the basic needs of those he loves. This looks different in each stage of a relationship. In the early days, paying for dates, offering rides, and simply taking interest in your well-being are indicators of his disposition to lead. Once in a relationship, an interest in providing you safety and stability is one of the surest ways to pursue you. We are talking about his reliability, vulnerability, and honesty. An elusive man may just enjoy the ride while in the relationship, but a leader will be heavily interested in discerning going even further with you. 

This leads to an important point regarding engagement: He will provide the ring. While sometimes the woman picks the ring, it’s important that you only do so once and if he asks you to do so. In many ways, it’s even preferable for you to have no involvement in the matter and trust him in leading you through this season. If he is truly leading and has proven to be reliable, vulnerable, and honest, then you most likely should have no concerns about what is to come regarding an engagement. As they say, the proposal should be a surprise, but the engagement shouldn't. 

Eventually, men will provide the house and we will provide a home. In marriage, being a provider takes a whole new meaning as it transforms from the generosity of dating and the selflessness of a relationship, to a fully sacrificial disposition unique to marriage.

Did you know that traditionally, men wear black to their weddings as a symbol of dying to themselves in sacrifice to their bride?

He Is Emotionally Present 

A leading man should be emotionally present and available. This means being attentive to their woman’s needs, feelings, and concerns. Some men even appreciate tracking your cycle, so they know what they are walking into any particular day, but save this for relationships that have overcome the tests of time and where commitment is already at high levels, since it’s quite intimate to share this information and not always necessary. 

Nonetheless, dating is not as confusing and overwhelming when you are both engaged in active listening. When either party talks, the other clears their mind and listens, instead of crafting a premature response or getting distracted. Empathy is crucial. Don’t get caught up on whether you agree or not, but on whether you understand what the other is expressing. This is particularly important when talking about fears, concerns, and insecurities. 

It’s well known that all good leaders are good communicators, so even if your man is a man of few words, a leading man should be able to carry intimate and emotional conversations with kindness and patience. He should listen and respond thoughtfully. In order to achieve this, it’s important that he has independently worked on his own emotional intelligence, so he can answer thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively or having outbursts. 

He Is Confident in Group Settings

As depicted in movies and witnessed in real life, there is something magnetic about the team captain, the men in uniform, the men on stage rocking with a band. What is it? In short, leadership and confidence are attractive. While none of these particular social titles are a requirement for attractiveness or leadership, it’s the fact that these men are able to engage a crowd and lead a group that women find so alluring.

A leading man does not hide from a crowd. He is comfortable among a crowd even if in silence. Be wary of the man who hides from loved ones, society, or constantly tries to keep secrets. At a certain point, this could be a man who avoids the accountability that comes with others knowing who he is. While he doesn’t need to give everyone explanations, he certainly should proudly stand for who he is and who he is with.

He Follows Through

We should trust our men. We should trust them not to have a wandering eye and trust them to make decisions that will impact us. But let’s not forget that trust is earned. A man who follows through and does what he said he would do is a man capable of leading. This starts with the little things and builds up to the bigger things. 

In dating, if he cancels at the last minute, if he doesn’t plan dates at all even though he talks about wanting to spend time together, if his dreams seem to have no actionable plan, then you may be dating a smooth talker instead of a leader. Sometimes when we face a big disappointment, we start seeing with more clarity the smaller disappointments that came before. So even if small, don’t ignore the fact that a particular man has the habit of not following through.

In marriage, this is what eventually leads us to the concept of a submissive wife. This term is so often misunderstood, but a submissive wife is ultimately a wife who trusts her husband. A wife who, instead of parenting him, sees him as someone she trusts to make decisions. As a result of this, she is at the receiving end of a deeper sense of partnership and mutual respect, fostering a harmonious and supportive relationship.

He Fosters Appreciation

This is not about the shallow compliments, but about expressing what we value, who we value, and why we value it. We are all incredibly valuable, but how often do we verbalize that to each other? Expressing appreciation and gratitude regularly strengthens the bond between partners. A leader doesn’t take for granted your patience and generosity toward him; instead, he verbalizes his appreciation with more than thank yous. Because realistically, if we are not appreciated, what are we even doing here? Just as in a job, this would be a reason to leave. 

Closing Thoughts

I get it. Sometimes we simply like doing things our way and in our timing. This is not a particularly bad thing, but it should not get in the way of encouraging our men to lead in relationships. It’s not that they are more powerful, and it’s not a matter of authority; it’s that in surrendering our need to control him or the situation we allow a synergy between the feminine and the masculine that ultimately empowers both genders. At the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be your way in order to be the right way. 

If there is a thing that men need, a thing that gives them purpose, it is to be needed by us. Needed and loved, by us women, by their fellows, by their families. Professionally and in their personal lives, feeling needed is a big part of a man’s purpose. So let them, and respect them for it. 

Lets not forget that a strong leader is also a humble servant. And as Paris Hilton would say “that’s hot.”

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