8 Life Lessons I Learned From Competing In Pageants

My time spent in the pageant world was filled with learning curves, failures, amazing friendships, community, life skills, improved confidence, and new experiences. My mom was Miss North Carolina USA 1994, so she was my initial inspiration for entering pageants. Spanning from age 16 to 24, I competed in pageants. I began my journey placing third runner-up at Miss North Carolina Teen USA in 2016 and ended by winning Miss Maine USA 2023. I went on to compete in the nationally televised Miss USA pageant as the first married contestant in history. 

Throughout my reign as Miss Maine USA, my days were filled with appearances and preparation for the national competition. Appearances included television interviews, emceeing events for charities, sitting courtside at the Boston Celtics, educational presentations for the Alzheimer’s Association, spending time at a former president’s home, speaking to groups of young women, and lobbying on Capitol Hill. Preparation for nationals was practicing stage presence, studying current events, conducting mock interviews, eating healthy, working out, planning my wardrobe, and makeup lessons. 

The national competition took place over the course of a week, and it was filled with rehearsals, photoshoots, excursions, and events. The competition itself was swimsuit, evening gown, and private interview. After Miss USA, I held the title of Miss Maine USA for six more months. 

Now, being removed from the pageant world, I have some perspective and wisdom to share about what I learned and how it’s still manifesting in my life. You may be thinking, what does this have to do with me if I’m not a pageant girl? The answer is everything.

Build a Wardrobe

When you think of a pageant girl’s wardrobe, you may think of sparkly gowns and cocktail dresses. While there is a place for these during competitions and some photoshoots, what does a pageant girl wear for other occasions? The same looks as any other chic girl. 

Building a wardrobe may sound superficial and frivolous. Isn’t that just buying a bunch of clothes? Not quite. Building my wardrobe while a titleholder was a difficult, time-consuming part of my reign. I say that not to discourage you, but rather to put value on the task. I chose my clothes with care because they communicated not only the dignity of my title but also the dignity I recognized in myself as a woman. Dressing well and with style set me apart in a casual society. 

Since curating my collection of clothes, I feel more confident. Visually presenting yourself to the world in a way that is appropriate, beautiful, and striking is an incredibly advantageous skill. Whether you’re at work, working out at the gym, attending a formal event, or grabbing cocktails with friends, there is value in looking good and feeling good. It shows respect for yourself and for those around you. 

Tailor Your Clothes

Because my mom is also a former pageant girl, she has been taking me to a tailor ever since I was a little girl. And at first, I hated it. I would try on an article of clothing, and she would immediately make me take it to the tailor to get it hemmed or nipped and tucked. What’s the big deal? Why does my dress need to be slightly tighter or my blazer a little more snug? But my mom was right. Customizing your off-the-rack clothes to fit your unique body makes them look better on you and makes you look better in turn. 

Customizing your off-the-rack clothes to fit your unique body makes them look better on you and makes you look better in turn. 

Before Miss USA, I made countless trips to the seamstress to ensure that my wardrobe fit perfectly. Not only did I feel really confident in my clothes while I was at the competition, but I have been able to wear the clothes repeatedly for different events and occasions since. Tailoring your clothes projects a polished, chic look. It makes your outfit look more elevated, and it helps you feel confident. Invest in the nicer piece of clothing as opposed to buying five pieces of fast fashion, and take that nicer piece to the tailor. You’ll find yourself reaching for it again and again. 

Don't Become a Beautiful Trend, Become a Beautiful You

When it comes to trends in fashion, makeup, hair, or even hot career paths, it’s easy to feel like you need to adhere to them. Especially when you’re in a competitive atmosphere, it can feel as though you must meet the standards of the moment. There is some truth to this. Yes, you want to take notice of trends and consider the criteria for whatever it is you may be vying for. However, don’t let the pressures of culture or the desire for achievement prompt you to change your foundation. Work trends into your personal style and interests. There is freedom in being the most polished version of yourself as opposed to being a completely different person. 

Prioritize Optimal Nutrition and Fitness

The swimsuit competition can sometimes feel daunting for pageant competitors. Preparing your body to present aesthetically beautiful in a healthy way can seem intimidating. And while sometimes there was stress attached to the visual part of it, I learned a lot about taking care of my body. 

First and foremost, you can't outwork a bad diet. I have consistently exercised for many years, and what helps me lose fat time and again is cleaning up my diet. You don’t have to do extremely intense workouts to have a physically fit, healthy body. It’s about building strength, being cardiovascularly fit, and eating a healthy diet. Not only will pursuing this lifestyle help you look better and feel better, but it can greatly increase your longevity. 

Capitalize on What Sets You Apart

While physical beauty is certainly a prerequisite for competing in a pageant, that only begins to cover what pageant judging panels and organizations look for in their winners. Over the past decade, the pageant world has become more focused on the brand of a woman. In other words, what makes you interesting? What makes you memorable? Maybe you’re really funny and can make anyone laugh. Maybe you grew up on a farm and love animals. Maybe you’re really good at a sport. Maybe you sing. Maybe you have your own community service project. Maybe you overcame something traumatic. The list could go on. Knowing this about yourself is not only valuable in front of a judging panel or on a telecast to the pageant viewer at home, but it’s also worthwhile in a job interview or even when making new friends. No, you don’t always want to cite your resume to someone. But rather, knowing what makes you an interesting person is a way to make connections and relate to others.

Find a Way To Serve Others

Across different pageant organizations, community service is a common thread. In fact, many organizations require that their delegates have a distinguished community service project. While this is not the case with Miss USA, almost every delegate has a cause they dedicate time to regardless of pageant requirements. For me, that is the Alzheimer’s Association. My grandmother and my aunt both had Alzheimer’s Disease, so I have been passionate about raising awareness and finding a cure since I was a little girl. 

Every woman should have something bigger than herself about which she is passionate and to which she dedicates some of her time.

Competing in pageants and ultimately winning a title motivated me to use my platform for this cause. I traveled around New England giving educational presentations about Alzheimer’s Disease, and I was fortunate to travel to Washington, DC to lobby on Capitol Hill. Through my experiences serving, I learned how important service is and what fulfillment it provides. Every woman should have something bigger than herself about which she is passionate and to which she dedicates some of her time. It makes life more abundant and meaningful. 

Cultivate Community

One of the neatest aspects of the pageant world is the sense of community. I know people from all over the country from my years doing pageants, and I have learned what joy community brings. Sharing something in common with other women provides a launching pad for incredible friendships. And even if we have nothing else in common, our shared experiences provide a special bond. In addition, this community is a great opportunity for networking. Whether it’s a professional or relational connection, the people I met in the pageant world are who I call when I need direction or an introduction. 

Maybe your community isn’t pageants, but where else could you find it? Some places to start may be a fitness studio, a mom’s group, a church, a tennis league, an art class, or a professional outlet.

Discover How To Learn from Failure

My journey in the pageant world was not one of immediate success or instant gratification. It took me about six years of failure to get to Miss USA. In each state pageant I competed in, I placed everywhere from non-finalist to first runner-up. The initial sting of failure was tough to process because it was public – I failed in front of an audience watching the pageant and an audience watching on social media. But I coped with failure by viewing each one as an opportunity to reflect on what I had learned. Failing so many times ultimately made my win so much sweeter in the end. I was far more appreciative than I would have been if I had won years earlier, and the repetitive practice better refined me for the job. 

The other lesson that failure taught me was how much of the world is subjective. There was not an exact formula as to how the judges chose their winners. It was a matter of connection and preference. And the older I become, the more I realize that this phenomenon is not unique to pageants. Not every opportunity is achieved objectively. In fact, most of life is subjective. 

Learning from failures and playing into subjectivity are two incredibly helpful tools for women to implement in all facets of their lives, whether it’s professional, social, or relational. 

You may have no interest in pageants whatsoever, but let my experience inspire you to embrace your femininity in everyday life and to present yourself in the best possible light.