9 Woke Changes We Don’t Want To See In The New Princess Diaries 3

After years of speculation and fan petitions, Anne Hathaway has finally confirmed that Princess Diaries 3 is officially in the works, sending longtime fans of Mia Thermopolis into a royal frenzy.

"It’s happening," Hathaway teased, hinting at a return to Genovia that promises to be just as magical as ever. But with Hollywood’s current trends, we can't help but wonder if Mia’s kingdom will come with a few modern twists...and not the ones we’re hoping for.

In the spirit of protecting our treasured franchise from unnecessary wokeness, here are 9 changes we definitely do not want to see in Princess Diaries 3.

Genovia is Now on "Stolen Land"

Mia, donning a "Decolonize Genovia" shirt, hands over the castle keys in an emotional press conference, and the palace is transformed into a public community center for illegal immigrants. She also declares borders are "fictional" and decries the charming European aesthetics as outdated and oppressive.

Mia’s Daughter Rejects the Throne

Mia’s teenage daughter pulls a Meghan Markle and finds the monarchy too problematic for her taste. Accordingly, she rejects her royal birthright to become a full-time activist jet-setting around the globe, hosting charity galas, and Instagramming her royal-funded eco-vacations from a private jet.

Joe Leads Genovia’s First Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Council

We all remember Joe, Mia’s tough, no-nonsense bodyguard. Well, now Joe is spearheading Genovia’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Council, leading workshops on unconscious bias and microaggressions in the monarchy.

Lilly Moscovitz Launches a Podcast on Gender Roles in Monarchy

Lilly, Mia’s rebellious best friend, has officially transformed into a feminist influencer. Her new podcast, "Smash the Tiara," is a rant about gender roles in monarchies, how princesses are an outdated trope, and how the royal system is inherently oppressive. And no, she’s not coming to Mia’s royal banquet unless it’s intersectional.

Paolo Returns with a Gender-Neutral Makeover

Paolo is back, but this time he’s all about deconstructing gender norms. "No tiaras, no gowns—just brat vibes," he says, waving away Mia’s ballgown in favor of a deconstructed pantsuit inspired by Kamala Harris.

Clarisse Renaldi’s Royal Title is Revoked

Queen Clarisse Renaldi—played by the legendary Julie Andrews—will no longer be referred to as "Queen." Instead, she'll spend the movie lobbying for the dissolution of the monarchy entirely.

Mia Apologizes for Her "Princess Privilege"

"I never realized how much I benefitted from systemic monarchal structures," Mia says tearfully, promising to redistribute the royal fortune to the people. Actually, no, sorry, she's not going to redistribute any of her own wealth, but she will advocate taking other people's money and spending it on the causes she prefers.

She Also Comes Out as a Lesbian

Mia’s new journey of self-discovery also involves leaving Nicholas (played by the swoony Chris Pine) and exploring her "true identity."

Chris Pine is Replaced by Chris Evans

But instead of falling in love with a woman, Mia ends up falling in love with Chris Evans, which technically still makes her a lesbian.

Closing Thoughts

Jokes aside, as we eagerly await Princess Diaries 3, let’s hope Hollywood keeps the heart of Genovia intact. Sometimes it's okay to leave a classic just as it is—a fairytale escape, full of tiaras, royal romance, and happily ever afters. Long live the princess!