Are “Girl Hobbies” Still Hobbies?

Girl math. Girl dinner. Girl hobbies? A lot of ink has been spilled over what people are now referring to as the “gender hobby gap,” a.k.a. the idea that men have hobbies and women don’t. Male podcasters and dating “experts” alike seem to frequently converge around the belief that while men are likely to have concrete interests outside work, women’s extracurriculars basically amount to social media and makeup. But is this really characteristic of the average woman?

Surprisingly, many women seem to say it is. Or, at least, that they don’t have hobbies in the way that men are talking about. Women’s responses have been varied, but the general sentiment from women seems to be that women do have hobbies, they just tend to look different from men’s. Feminists have been especially critical of the accusations of not having hobbies, publishing hot takes like “Hey Men, It's Not My Job to Like Your Hobbies If You Don't Give a Damn About Mine” or “Women Have Hobbies, But Guys Don’t Care About Them.” These kinds of responses tend to argue that things like shopping, social media, and makeup might not look like typical male hobbies – things like playing sports, hunting and fishing, or building something with your hands – but that’s just what hobbies look like for the fairer sex. In any case, the debate seems to come down to this: Do “girl hobbies” still count?

Podcast Men Strike Again

A lot of this conversation began with a podcast that has now been dunked on into oblivion. Jack Denmo, the host of the Good Bro Bad Bro podcast, went infamously viral for doubling down on the claim that most women don’t have any hobbies. Many men agreed with him, calling it an “ick” when women say they don’t have hobbies, or when their response to “What do you do in your free time?” is things like talking about social media or going out for coffee. Denmo and those on his side of the debate have taken a lot of heat for what many call sexism, and many TikTokers mocked him by stitching his video with sarcastic “girl hobby” videos, claiming their hobbies amount to sniffing lettuce, brushing their hair, and putting on makeup to go see boys at the mall. Still, while a lot of people called Denmo a misogynist and chalked the comment up to sexism and nothing more, a surprising number of women seem to actually agree with the point he was making.

Many women admit they feel boring for not having hobbies, even going so far as to say that it’s the most dreaded question anyone could ask. One TikToker said that while she considers her hobbies to be watching TV or trying new foods, she feels like it’s not what people are expecting to hear when they ask “What do you do for fun?” One woman even ran an informal poll of her friends, saying that only two of them had what she would consider “legit” hobbies, something she attributes to the need for women to stay close to home, unlike men who can go out hunting, fishing, and golfing. Women who say that most of their hobbies involve looking at a screen aren’t alone, either. Our screen time just keeps going up, and even young girls are spending far more time on social media than their male counterparts, often with grim consequences. 

On Their High Hobby Horse

So is the anecdotal evidence true? Turns out, it is. Statistics show that women have less time for leisure than men, which some researchers speculate is due to taking on a greater amount of work around the home, but it’s also true that women spend their free time differently when they do get it. Men are twice as likely to play sports as women, and more likely to play an instrument, and more likely to do outdoor hobbies like hunting, fishing, or hiking and backpacking. About the only thing women are more likely to do is socialize, something that tracks with the fact that men are increasingly lonely.

That aspect of socializing, then, is what’s up for grabs in terms of counting as a hobby. Some argue that this is simply the essence of “girl hobbies,” and things like going out to coffee, shopping, or going to get your nails done are the female equivalent of guy hobbies. In a Medium post, one woman laughs, recalling a date who judged her for not having what he considered to be “real hobbies,” saying, ”Do men think we just deactivate, like Furby’s or Sims characters, when we aren’t around them? Do men only see hobbies as things they participate in, or have the capacity to? I mean, even if you think something is shallow and vapid, like shopping or makeup, that still counts as a hobby. … A man disliking a hobby doesn’t make it a non-hobby. So what do guys think we do when we aren’t around them? It’s truly bizarre that their not noticing or not liking or not relating to our hobbies…means we simply do not have them.”

The Value of “Traditional” Hobbies

While going out with friends and getting coffee is unquestionably fun, there can still be value in more “traditional” hobbies, something that many people seem to intuitively realize when they say they feel like they “lack a personality” or feel “boring” for lack of pastimes. Reasons to get active don’t need repeating, but you might be surprised that team sports, rather than just going to the gym or doing a home workout on your own, come with additional benefits, with research showing that playing sports on a team helps beat anxiety and depression at higher rates than going it solo. Whether that means picking up a college sport in a rec league, jumping in with a run club, or joining your local dodgeball team just to meet new people, it’s a convincing reason to get moving with others.

There’s also a lot more to hobbies than just exercise. Research shows that hobbies involving making things with your hands are great for your mental health, with crafting – things like painting, sculpting, knitting, or photography – being shown to boost mental health and keep the effects of aging at bay. You might also want to consider picking back up the instrument you stopped playing after high school, even if it means renting a cheap one from a music store. Fewer than one in five people continue playing their instruments through adulthood, but playing music is not just fun, it’s great for you: Research shows it benefits everything from your mental health to your immune system.

If you don’t know where to start finding hobbies, it may be helpful to break out a paper and pen and do some brainstorming. Alternatively, you could also follow what one TikToker calls the “rule of three”: trying to find one hobby for your health, one for your mind, and one for your hands.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re getting annoyed with dates asking you about your hobbies, it seems you have two options. First, just embrace the definition of “girl hobbies” and confidently explain to the guy you’re with that, yes, getting coffee and a sweet treat totally counts. Otherwise, if not having much to do beyond doomscrolling is starting to bug you, too, maybe it’s time to pick back up your violin, cleats, or paintbrush and spend your free time doing something you truly love.

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