Ask Evie: Am I Being A Bad Friend For Not Wanting To Drive A Drunk Male Friend Home?

READER’S QUESTION: “I need some advice on whether or not I am being a good friend. I have a friend group that includes both guys and girls. Two of the guys live on my side of town, and normally one of the guys (let's call him Jake) drives us to our hangouts with this group of friends. The other guy (let's call him Edmund) is practically my neighbor and says he doesn't have access to a car since his sister uses it. 

Jake is going to study abroad, and so now Edmund has the assumption that I will drive him to our plans. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with it. He lives two minutes from my house. However, this 27-year-old man drinks a lot. I don't drink alcohol at all. I am not sure how comfortable I would feel driving this drunk man around or even waiting hours for him to get better before driving so that he doesn't puke in my car. I feel like I don't have any obligation to take care of him (we are not close at all), but I know he assumes I will because Jake used to do that for him. Am I a bad friend for not wanting to drive him?” 

EVIE’S ADVICE: Our verdict is that you’re not a bad friend! You’re not obligated to chauffeur a 27-year-old man around, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Besides, you might be putting yourself in a vulnerable position being alone in a car with a drunk man – people lose control when they’re intoxicated, and we’re not just talking about puking. But, ultimately, you’re not responsible for his poor decisions or irresponsible behavior. This guy is a full-grown adult, and honestly, it’s time he starts acting like one, whether that’s drinking less, getting an Uber, or arranging with his sister to borrow the car. It sounds like he is used to relying on others to take care of him, which, frankly, is pretty immature for a grown man and is only enabling his behavior.

You’re not responsible for his poor decisions or irresponsible behavior. 

Just because your friend Jake was okay with driving Edmund to and fro doesn’t mean you have to be. You can tell Edmund that you will be driving yourself to friend hangouts and, since you don’t drink, you want to be able to leave on your own schedule. If you’re not that close, you don’t need to tell him your other reasons for not wanting to carpool with him anymore if you don’t want to. It sounds like establishing some healthy boundaries with Edmund will do both of you good.

If he gets upset with the new carpool arrangement – or rather the lack of it – don’t give in. His getting angry or blaming you for “being a bad friend” is just emotional manipulation and another instance of immature behavior. Trying to manipulate someone is actually being a bad friend. 

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.