Ask Evie: How Do I Balance My Feminine Energy With Letting A Man Know I’m Interested In Being Pursued?

READER’S QUESTION: “I am a believer that in order to attract a man with masculine energy, I need to embody the more passive female energy and let him take the lead and pursue. I do think I mostly give off this feminine energy that there have been Evie articles on. However, as I get older (26 years old) and stay single, I have been surprised that some of my married friends (who are pretty conservative and agree that, in general, the man should pursue) have been encouraging me to invite a guy I am interested in to a casual group gathering or to text first. They argue that this is not the same thing as asking the guy out on a date, but I do not think I should do that since I want the man to make the first move and pursue me. They argue that I need to ‘throw him a bone’ and let him know I am interested in being pursued. I feel like I do this through smiling, eye contact, and playful banter. 

I guess my question is: As a woman, how do I balance letting the man pursue me while also showing him that I am interested in being pursued? Is it ever okay for the woman to initiate text conversations or hangouts? Thanks so much!"

EVIE’S ADVICE: We totally understand wanting the man to make the first move and pursue you. However, sitting around and waiting for too long and expecting him to read your mind may not benefit you. Men need encouragement (and sometimes a super obvious hint), especially today, when many men think flirting has become too risky for them and they worry about coming off creepy so much that they refrain from interacting with women. In any day or age, men have always been nervous about approaching a woman, so any sign of interest or encouragement we ladies can give is a big help. You can absolutely make a move while staying in your feminine energy. Dropping a handkerchief may not be done anymore, but eye contact, smiling, banter, physical touch while talking to him, and dropping hints about wanting to try a new restaurant downtown are all good tools. However, if they aren’t getting the job done, then adjusting your tactics makes sense. 

Giving obvious signs of interest or taking a small step to signal encouragement or invitation at the opening of a relationship is completely different from being behind the steering wheel for the whole relationship. It’s possible to be feminine and receptive while still helping a guy over the initial hurdle of figuring out that you’re interested in him. Texting first or inviting a guy to a group event is a very small concession to make, and neither would commit you to running the relationship. Your friends are right – neither is of the same significance as marching up to a guy and asking him to dinner on Friday night. Besides, there is no rule that whoever initiates runs the whole show. If he reciprocates your interest, he can make the next move and take over the direction of the relationship – but even as the one being pursued, you still have a voice and agency in the pacing and progress of the relationship.

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.