Ask Evie: Is It Better To Live In Our Dream Location Or Near Family?

READER’S QUESTION: "Hi! My husband and I are debating if we should move away or not. We've been married for two years, and we both love the mountains, but we live in the South, because that's near my family. We both want to live somewhere cooler that has a more active, outdoor lifestyle and gets snow in the winter. The problem is, we want to have kids soon, and we both want our kids to have strong relationships with their cousins and grandparents, and we want the family support during the early years of parenthood. What do we do? Do we move somewhere we will be happier and probably healthier and give up having family nearby? Or do we give up our dream lifestyle for the sake of having grandparents be able to babysit?"

EVIE’S ADVICE: It’s important to remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing! There are a ton of what if’s here, and you don’t have to commit to living somewhere for the rest of your life right now, so don’t stress yourself out about it too much. It’s amazing to have parents and family nearby who can help with kids, but you guys don’t have kids yet. If you’ve always wanted to go to the mountains, pick up and rent for a year! Especially if your jobs are flexible or remote, or you’re still looking to settle into a career, there’s really not a lot of risk in taking the leap right now. See how you both feel after living there for a year. If, during that time, you get pregnant and want to move back and have kids and be surrounded by your family for a few of their formative years, you can always go back. You’ll be pregnant for nearly 10 months anyway, so you’ll have time to plan and get settled again.

That being said, your kids can still be really close with your family even if they’re not nearby. You can plan yearly vacation trips together, holidays in your hometown, extended weekends, etc. Sometimes, when you don’t have the option to spend so much time together day to day, the time you do get to spend together is even sweeter and better in quality. It’s very helpful to have family close by during at least the first two months postpartum, but we’re sure that your parents would be willing to travel and come visit to help out. Furthermore, if you’re able to establish a supportive community away from family (a church group or friends), then you can have some extra help with your kids that way. 

You might find that you love the mountains and are so grateful for the new adventure that you don’t see yourselves moving back. Despite being further away from your family, the environment may be more aligned with your values and how you want to raise your kids. You may even inspire other family members to take a leap and move to the mountains, or at least visit more often. Or, you could find that over the course of the year, you miss your friends and family so much that, despite the environment, you’d rather be with them. You may even be experiencing a case of “the grass is greener” and find that what you’re imagining isn’t as romantic or idealistic in reality. Either way, you’ll never know unless you try, and you don’t want to live life with regret or “what ifs.” 

If you’re really hesitant to move away from family, plan your vacations in the mountains as often as you can to experience that lifestyle. Otherwise, it’s time to find a year-long lease to really give it a shot!

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.