Ask Evie: I Lost All My Friends During Covid And I’m Struggling To Make New Ones

READER’S QUESTION: “Dear Evie, I’m a millennial woman who doesn’t have any friends. Most of my friends from university and high school have moved for better career prospects. During the Covid pandemic, more and more friends left me because I refused to get the vaccine. This is also one of the reasons I’m no longer religious. 

My entire day is exactly like this Sponge Bob video. All I’m doing is working so I can pay for my mortgage and bills. I tried to go to the gyms. But people usually mind their own business, and no one in the group class has ever bothered to talk to others. I also had to cancel due to my financial situation. I also tried to proactively reach out to some friends that I’m still connected to on social media. They were friendly online, but none of them wanted to meet me in person. 

I have read Evie extensively during the pandemic. My dream is to find a group of Evie girlies IRL. I was wondering if you’d have any advice for someone who has been abandoned by her friends. 

Sincerely, Someone who wants to find new friends but doesn’t know how”

EVIE’S ADVICE: It can be really difficult to make friends as we get older – you are certainly not alone in this feeling, although we know it can feel like it at times! To begin, start with some small changes where you are – most public libraries and community centers offer free or cheap events, classes, and clubs of all kinds. Attend one that sounds interesting to you – chances are you'll eventually meet like-minded women, and even if you don't, you will still have had a new and enjoyable experience that added some joy and meaning to your day outside of work. Volunteering is another free way to both add meaning to your life and find like-minded individuals. 

There are even “hot girl walk” meetups happening across the country where Gen Z and millennial women meet up (usually those who are looking for friends) to walk safely and hang out with other girls their age. In a similar vein, many popular podcasts hosted by women, like Poplitics with Alex Clark, have their own Facebook pages where like-minded women are encouraged to connect. If there is a particular show that you enjoy listening to, find out if they have some kind of private girls group to join! The chances are that if you like the show, you’ll have a similar sense of values or at least humor as other girls listening to it.

It's unfortunate that you no longer feel welcome at church, as churches are a big way to find connection and community. Is there another church in your area you could visit and try out?

It can be easier to make friends in places where most people are transplants.

A bigger change would be to move if you're not tied down to your current location. A move might lead to a higher paying job that gives you more flexibility, and a new location could provide a whole new circle of friends and connections, as well as a church community more aligned with your values. It also can be easier to make friends in places where most people are transplants, like NYC, LA, Chicago, Dallas, or Miami. You’ll probably find that a lot of women are in the same position as you – seeking out new friends – if they’ve moved since Covid to a state that is better aligned with their values.

Alternatively, you can try reaching out again to old friends if you feel like the relationship is worth the extra effort. The vax isn’t as triggering to many people these days, and you may even find that those who cut you off in 2020 are regretful or remorseful about their actions. It’s up to you if that is a friendship you want to salvage or not, though. 

As far as the Evie connection goes, we’ve heard your (and many other women’s) pleas, and we’ve created an Instagram post where we’re encouraging our Evie girls to comment with the state they live in and a sentence about them. This way, anyone looking to make new girl friends can scroll through the comments and reach out in a totally non-creepy way via DM to chat and possibly meet up. Check out the post on our Instagram here!

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.