Billie Eilish Struggles With Exposure And Fame: "I Have Impending-Doom Feelings"
The "What Was I Made For" singer opens up about her struggles with fame, revealing that she hasn't been "doing so great" despite her achievements.
Billie Eilish, 21, took the world by storm again this year with her mega-hit song, "What Was I Made For." A stark contrast from the rest of the Barbie movie's upbeat soundtrack, the piece is inspired by Eilish's struggles to find her motivation for creating music. The song's melancholic lyrics and melody have since been used in countless videos that convey some women's hardships. Though Eilish lives a life that millions of us can only dream of, she has her own battles with fame and mental health.
When the "Ocean Eyes" singer was asked if she ever wanted to hide from the limelight, she said, "All the time. But I can do that. That’s the thing about diving into the hurt – I don’t need to do that. I’m starting to do better, but I’ve not been doing so great, to be honest," Eilish tells Allure. "For a while. I have impending-doom feelings most of the day. When I think too much about it, how I can never have privacy again, it’s enough to make you want to do all sorts of crazy things. But you have to let it go."
"I have impending-doom feelings most of the day."
The 7-time Grammy Award Winner has opened up in the past about her depression and panic attacks. Unfortunately, Eilish has been dealing with mental health problems for years, but there are moments when the young musician feels hopeful. “There was this moment when I was in Paris, we were driving around, and I was in a bad place. It was not a good time for ol’ Bill. I was not getting better, and didn’t know when I would. And this motorcycle pulled up next to the car, and this guy’s helmet had a sticker on it that said in all caps, ‘Move on.’ I was sitting there like, Oh. Message received. I have a really big problem with control,” Eilish says in her interview.
The relentless exposure celebrities have to endure can sometimes be debilitating. For Eilish, who was only 14 when she rose to fame, this fame is exceptionally damaging. Stardom possibly robbed her of childhood, and she likely wasn't given the chance to grow up in a healthy environment. The constant scrutiny she's faced for seven years, coupled with the pressure to perform, leads to isolation and loneliness. We think celebrities have it all when they actually lose themselves.
Still, Eilish keeps moving forward and tries her best to be authentic. She continues, “So I’ve been trying to teach myself that there are things out of your control and you have to move on. I have settled many times with things and people and life. I’ve settled for less than I deserved, and I’m not going to do that anymore.”
Elsewhere in the interview, Eilish gives a shout-out to her younger self and her brother, Finneas O'Connell. The brother-sister duo have worked together since day one of Eilish's career. “I have to give credit to the person I’ve always been – I did not give a f*ck at all. Between being a 14-year-old girl, and Finneas being a 17-year-old boy, and us making these little songs – we had to be very clear we weren’t going to just do what anybody said. People could have done crazy sh*t, and I didn’t let them. It was many, many years of having to convince a room full of people that I was going to do what I knew was right for me. I had ideas; I had plans.”
Like a scene straight out of Barbie, she adds, “But the thing is, people should know – women should know – you don’t have to be exceptional. You can just be a person, and you should get awards for just being. Sometimes artists don’t have plans, and that’s fine, but I did, and I wasn’t going to waste them.”
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