Do Guys Really Like When A Girl Makes The First Move? I Asked My Guy Friends To Find Out

The scene: You spotted a cute guy across the room. Before long, you caught his eye, and you’re pretty sure you saw a flirty glint in his gaze before you looked away. Your suspicions were confirmed when you glanced back at him, and he was still looking at you. But this time, he cracked a small smile before his buddies distracted him.

You were hoping he’d make the first move and approach you, but the night has progressed, and he hasn’t come any closer to chatting you up. “Fine. I’ll do it myself,” you think to yourself – before stopping dead in your tracks. While you’re willing to be the one to make the first move, you aren’t sure how he’d react to it.

Questions race through your mind. Do guys like it when a girl makes the first move, or does it make her seem desperate? Would it be too forward to strike up a conversation? Should you just keep waiting around until he comes up to you? What if he never does?

Every woman will have a different feeling about being the first one to approach a guy (some wouldn’t dare, while others don’t care either way). But what do guys think about a girl who makes the first move?

They Actually Love It

Yes, really. They certainly don’t dislike it, and they aren’t even indifferent about it. The guys I asked about this and the studies both say that men actually really like it (and might even prefer it) when a girl is confident enough to be the initiator. Along with that, OkCupid data shows that women who send the first message are twice as likely to get a positive response.

Why, you ask? Well, for one thing, it’s nice to know he won’t be turned down, laughed at, or treated like a creep for expressing interest. “Sometimes it’s just nice to know that she’s into it before I go in there and do something to embarrass myself or come off like a creep,” one guy I spoke to said.

But also, it’s different for him to be the one being approached, which makes you stand out from the crowd. “Honestly, a girl making the first move would catch my attention. Mostly it’s me doing all of the leg work and putting myself out there, so if she were to be the one to walk up to me, give me her number, or ask a question, that would instantly make me want to know her,” another said.

Another thing that was mentioned? Making the first move makes a girl more attractive and seem all the more confident: “I’d think she’s really self-assured, and that’s a really attractive quality. I like a girl who’s a bit of a go-getter rather than someone who just waits for things to happen to her.”

What Matters Most Is Your Method

So we’ve established that making the first move definitely doesn’t turn guys off, but how do you do it? How do you approach a guy without feeling like you’re the one doing all the work, or without feeling like you’re no longer the “girl” – in the sense of being the one who’s pursued? Surely there’s an art to making the first move, right?

The answer is absolutely. While we know now that a girl being the initiator is actually a green flag for guys, there’s still a preferred method by which to approach him. Guys like a girl who’s willing to show interest, but they also like having the option of taking the lead, which is where learning how to approach a guy in a feminine way comes into play.

What does this mean exactly? It means giving him a nudge in the right direction while also allowing him to take the reins. You might write down your number with a short, cute note on a napkin and hand it to him, or ask if he’s single with a coy smile, or open up a conversation by asking him what he’s drinking.

But How Do I Not Seem Desperate?

So, we know why guys like it when a girl approaches him and even how to try it out the next time you spot a cute guy when you’re out and about. But a significant question still remains: How does a girl make the first move without coming off as totally desperate?

“If she’s all over me, completely ditches her friends, or immediately invites me back to her place, that feels a little desperate to me. That just comes across like she’d offer this to any guy who’d take it, not like there’s anything about me that she likes… just that she wants me to like her,” said one guy.

“I like a little mystery, a bit of a chase. It’s cool if she comes up to me first, even if she’s bold about it, but I still want to feel like I’m doing something, not that she’s just talking at me and telling me her whole life story,” said another.

What seems to not come across as desperation is simply approaching him. But based on what the guys I spoke to shared, what does start to get into desperate territory is a woman who doesn’t truly seem to be interested in him, but in what he can make her feel about herself. Along with that, it’s important to remember to let things move slowly rather than trying to merge things onto the fast track.

If He Thinks You’re Cute, It’s Hard To Fail

With all of this said, because guys aren’t quite as used to being the one approached, they’re not all that difficult to please. In fact, one guy I spoke to said, “If I find her attractive, she could basically say anything to me, and I’d be interested.”

This initially sounds a bit shallow, but here’s a helpful reminder: Attractiveness isn’t just about facial symmetry or particular body proportions. A woman can up her attractiveness just by the way she radiates joy and confidence, or the way her clothes perfectly compliment her body type, or the way her makeup highlights and enhances her natural beauty instead of looking caked on, or the way she carries herself with poise and elegance.

Closing Thoughts

So there you have it. Guys love it when a girl takes it upon herself to be the one to make the first move. No, it won’t make you seem desperate, weird, or awkward. He’s actually much more likely to react well. So we’re challenging you: The next time you see a guy you’re hoping will come up to you, try approaching him first and see what happens.

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