Don't Forget Your Female Friends: A Guide To Navigating Friendships During A New Relationship

It’s impossible to know what’s going to happen when you enter into a new relationship. Sometimes the sparks of new relationships fizzle out as quickly as they were born, but sometimes, they blossom into lifelong commitments. However, one critical piece of wisdom that women sometimes miss when they enter into a new relationship actually lies outside that relationship. Female friendships are equally as important to maintain while in a relationship as when single.

Don’t Forget Your Girls

Have you ever had a friend who you were very close to, and then realized that she wasn’t returning your texts and calls as much and wasn’t interested in hanging out, after she told you she was dating someone new? Or, have you ever been the one who pulls away from your female friends, infatuated with your new man? 

I’ve been both – and through these experiences, I’ve realized how necessary it is to maintain female friendships while in a relationship, equal to the effort invested when single. It may seem like the natural thing to do by pulling away from everything and everyone for a while to spend lots of time on this new romantic relationship. But making an effort not to detract from your female friends will serve you in a few particular ways.

First, if you’re the only one evaluating your new man, you’ll probably do so through rose-colored glasses. You might dismiss some red flags as beige flags or allow yourself to lower your standards because you want this to work out so badly. If you spend time with your female friends and ask their opinions, or better yet, introduce your new guy to them, they will be able to help you make wise decisions when it comes to your relationship. A new romantic relationship is more likely to succeed when friends are part of the context of the relationship’s growth.

Second, by spending time with your female friends and involving them in this new phase of your life, you’re solidifying your bonds with them rather than harming the future of your friendships. Trust is built through sharing new experiences. Of course, there is a balance to this – you do need, obviously, some alone time with your new man – but keep it balanced. Try to live by the 30/70 rule. Don’t cut back time with your girls more than 30%, and when you’re with your new man, don’t spend more than 70% of that time just the two of you.

Make monthly brunch plans with your girls to catch up at your favorite hangout spot, or host an evening watch party once a week for your favorite show like The Bachelor or Love Island. This will give your man a chance to make plans with his friends and continue those relationships as well.

Double dates and group hangouts are a huge opportunity to see how your new guy operates when he’s not just with you. It’s a win-win: You get to spend time with your girls while seeing the way in which your man carries himself in public. In long-term relationships, it’s never just two people isolated from the world. You end up living regular lives integrated with work, friends, and family. Observing how he treats other people will give you insight into the type of man he truly is. 

Finally, maintaining your female friendships while dating someone new is also a natural safeguard and comfort for the unfortunate eventuality of a breakup. If your friendships are maintained rather than strained, there will be more opportunities for authentic post-breakup comfort and encouragement, and your friends won’t have the chance to resent you or feel like you only want to talk to them when you need them.

Closing Thoughts

There is something unique about female friendship. Women are much more communal than men; solid, long-lasting female friendships serve us well when we walk through life events that men simply cannot relate to – pregnancy and childbirth, hormonal fluctuations, and particular anxieties or fears, to name a few. Women are, in general, more nurturing and maternal, making us different in how we empathize with each other and understand each other. While my husband is the human on this earth who I absolutely love the deepest and am closest to, I also need my girls to be that feminine community to me – and I’m that for them also. 

So even if you’re starstruck by the new man in your life (who may end up being there long term!), don’t forget your female friends. It will be worth the effort, showing them that you care about them and solidifying your bonds of friendship, and it will always serve you well in the long run.

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