"Empowerment" Feminism Failed Us

Last week, my Twitter feed was flooded with critiques of the feminist author Caitlin Moran and her latest book What About Men? In the book, Moran argues that men are in crisis. They aren’t talking about their problems. They are falling behind at school and university. They are committing suicide at record rates. Women, on the other hand, are winning! We talk about sex. We are proud of our bodies. We open up about our emotions. After years of empowering women and girls, Moran thinks it’s time men catch up.

“Feminism,” is Moran’s answer, “What men and boys need is feminism.” By which she means that men must learn to embrace their bodies, express their emotions, and love themselves unapologetically, like women do. They must, like women, stop giving a f*ck! And be proud of their penises! And gossip with each other in the boys’ bathrooms!

Like many others, I’m skeptical of Moran’s approach. Of course, it’s important for men, as it is for all of us, to have meaningful connections and communicate freely with those who love them. But I also think it’s unfair, and actually pretty patronizing, to assume that boys and men should express and process their emotions exactly as women do and that any differences they have are in some way defects. Most of the men in my life are generally more stoic, more self-effacing, and simply have less of a need to talk about their feelings. Of course, everyone is unique, and I can’t speak for all men – but what I can confidently say is this: The sort of empty and infantilizing “empowerment” feminism women have been spoon-fed for years is not the solution for men in crisis. Let’s just say I struggle to believe that rising rates of male depression and suicide have anything to do with, as Moran argues, men not having the equivalent of the “Yass, Kween!”, the “dancing girl emoji” or the shrieks of “Watch my girl go!” that women get.

Here’s the thing, though: I don’t think this stuff works for women, either. My own frustration with Moran’s argument is not just that it’s facile or infantilizing to men, but that her solution is to “look at what women have done.” She insists that we are now free and empowered, that we’re winning! We have “the future is female” slogan! We have Beyoncé! We have “feminist clubs and vagina merchandise on Etsy”! And “empowering lady anthems” like WAP!

But is that true? Are we winning? Many argue that the sort of “empowerment” feminism Moran endorses has actually failed women. There’s a collective sense across the political spectrum that this strand of feminism – with its sex-positive pop songs and Women’s Marches and girlboss merch – has done very little to serve women’s well-being. For many on the left, it was never radical enough to really scrutinize our subjugation and instead serves the needs and demands of neoliberal capitalism. For many on the right, meanwhile, it’s a regressive ideology that glamorizes superficial values and spins them as empowerment to a generation of young girls.

What women are told is empowering is actually attitudes and behaviors that can be disempowering, even self-destructive.

There’s truth to both, I think. I agree with conservatives that, very often, what women are told is empowering is actually attitudes and behaviors that can be disempowering, even self-destructive. For years now, I’ve seen mainstream feminism march onwards, steadily over-correcting, shedding all meaning, insisting that everything I do is empowering, whatever the effect on my long-term well-being or those around me (from drastic life decisions like divorce and infidelity to the flood of female self-care advice online, which increasingly dresses up selfishness and lack of human decency as being a badass bitch!) Anyway, rarely do I see traits that actually enrich life – unsexy things like virtue, selflessness, or humility – celebrated as part of being a strong, empowered woman.

But I also agree with many on the left – as in, I notice that empowerment feminism champions behaviors and lifestyles that conveniently align with consumer culture and neoliberal capitalism. More and more, what’s labeled “empowerment” is less about women’s well-being and more about serving corporate interests. Empowerment is a product, a service, a procedure! Empowerment is buying more and working more! It’s whatever we're being sold. I’ve written elsewhere about how all kinds of industries use this sort of flimsy feminism as a sales strategy. Breast implants and Brazilian Butt Lifts are now empowering because they are profitable. Porn is now liberating because it’s a billion-dollar industry. And so the question I find myself asking whenever something is sold as women’s empowerment is who does this actually serve? Who is this for? Because the concept is so empty, so easily co-opted, and so often takes the struggles from which women want liberating – our emotional pain, our insecurities, our sexual objectification – and commodifies, repackages, and sells them back to us under the guise of feminism.

And so, have women really won? Despite “years of empowering women and girls,” my generation is anxious, depressed, and facing the highest suicide rates since records began. Despite years of being told that casual sex and self-commodification are liberating, Gen Z girls say they feel vulnerable, exploited, and failed by sex-positive feminism. And despite years of body positivity campaigns and anthems of self-love, we are a generation suffering from record rates of body dysmorphia and eating disorders, and booking cosmetic surgeries at higher rates than ever before. There are, of course, complex reasons for all of this, but if empowerment feminism has helped free us from our sadness, our self-loathing, and our hidden struggles, as Moran argues it has, why would the generation who grew up with it be falling apart?

What men need is discipline, direction, wisdom, and something that pierces through our materialist culture and redirects them toward what is really empowering.

So no, I don’t believe that’s the solution for men. They don’t need choruses of Yass, King!! for every bad decision they make or clapping emojis for International Men’s Day. They don’t need to be told they are sexy and perfect or plied with constant, placating reassurance that everything they do is empowering. Because it doesn’t work! It’s an empty, patronizing, corporate-serving ideology that slots all too neatly into the individualistic and self-absorbed culture that makes all of us feel worse. It’s infantilizing. It’s boring. It’s very often the opposite of empowerment.

What boys and men need, as I see it, is discipline, direction, wisdom, and, much like girls, something that actually pierces through our superficial and materialist culture and redirects them toward what is really empowering: family, community, a sense of duty and responsibility, a commitment to something beyond the self. We live in these crazy consumerist cultures that lack clear markers for responsibility or guidance for coming-of-age and in which everything feels meaningless and expedient. And so the appeal of figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, which Moran clumps together into the same evil manosphere cabal, is that in the chaos of modern life they at least carve out something, some order and direction. They see strength in stoicism, in fortitude, in those generally more masculine modes of communication. And I would argue that’s a worldview with far more substance than anything mainstream, marketable feminism has ever offered women.

“Women are at peak ‘don't give a f*ck’ at the moment,” Moran declares. “Men haven’t found that yet.” But with rising numbers of girls and young women relying on antidepressants, wishing they weren’t here, suffering from the highest suicide rate since records began, have we really found that freedom? That liberation? If women are at peak “don’t give a f*ck”, I fear it’s that they aren’t giving a f*ck about themselves. Boys and men deserve better. And looking back, I can’t help but think so did we.

This article was originally published on Substack.

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