Every Time Emily Gilmore Was Right About Love

As every veteran GG fan knows, the plot revolves around Lorelai’s and Rory’s love lives, but in the background, we have Emily and Richard’s marriage. This marriage stands solid throughout the whole series. Even while facing ups and downs, their commitment to each other and their family is a testament to who they are as individuals and as a couple. While Lorelai and Rory navigate relationships and come to understand what love is, Emily is the one Gilmore girl who, even in the midst of her own shortcomings, knows what love is all along. 

Relationships Are Not All About Just Feeling Happy 

We’ve all heard it at least once: People break up or even get divorced because they are not happy. And while this is a valid point of consideration, long-term loving relationships are never based only and entirely on feeling happy every moment of every day. 

Happiness is a byproduct of a healthy relationship. On one hand, a relationship in which you don’t feel loved, you are being manipulated, or there is any other negative behavior going on will always make you unhappy – it should make you unhappy. On the other hand, a loving relationship in which you feel appreciated and supported will result in happiness. It may not fix all of life’s problems, it may not turn life into rainbows and sunshine, and it will not make you immune to suffering, but it will give you the encouragement and confidence to face every day with a happy attitude. 

Lorelai (and, at times, Rory) has the tendency to make gut decisions in the moment. Sometimes, this is a matter of instinct, but other times, it’s impulsiveness. Emily, however, is certainly not the kind to do that. Prudence is one of her strongest virtues, and by reminding Lorelai of the proper place of happiness in a relationship, she is attempting to correct her tendency to overemphasize how she feels in the moment and encouraging her to look at the big picture and remember what matters the most. 

Good Men Walk to the Door 

I personally believe this point is even more significant now than it was at the time this episode aired. If Emily disapproves of Rory’s honk when you are here method of being picked up, imagine what she would think of the text me when you are here method. Sure, it’s done out of practicality and perhaps discretion, as you may not want your roommates or parents to know you’re going out, but in Emily’s book, this is a red flag. As the queen of prudence (as already established), Emily is strongly against secrecy in dating. Walking up to the door and greeting whoever is inside is a sign of accountability, an indication that you’re not afraid or embarrassed to go on this date. I know this may not be what runs through your mind or your date’s, but not walking up to the door is still a lack of care, a lack of accountability, and an overall lack of grace. 

While we live in a hyper-practical world, there is no need to optimize efficiency for how to get picked up for a date. As Emily says, we are not fried chicken at a drive-through. We are worth the steps to the door and the hello to whoever is inside. It is, in many ways, a small gesture, but nonetheless, it is the kind of gesture that sets the tone for the kind of relationship you’d like to have. 

The Importance of Intentionally Choosing Each Other

One of my first thoughts every time I see an older couple is how I am sure they had reasons to leave at various points, yet they’re here together because they chose each other. They didn’t have to, as divorce is so widely accepted now, but they continued to choose each other many times over many years. Emily and Richard are certainly that couple. Their struggles are real and evident, but their intentional care and appreciation for each other are constant. All of their fights and even their brief separation conclude with an intentional gesture of “I am choosing you,” and even during the hard times, they can put the pettiness away and choose the other. While Lorelai and Rory go in between boyfriends, sometimes husbands and boyfriends, even sometimes another woman's husband (yikes!), Emily reminds the audience of the value of confidently choosing one man.

The Little Romantic Things Are Important 

I have lost count of how many times throughout the series Emily does things that seem odd or impractical, but she does them because she knows Richard likes them. Like all the times she hosts birthday parties for him or parties to celebrate his business success. Or the time he was having a professional crisis and she jumped in to help. And let’s not forget every time she orders the maid to cook something or arrange their home in a particular way just because that’s how he likes it. And the affection is mutual. My favorite Richard story is when he asks her to dance to a song he doesn’t like but knows she likes. Not because it was the greatest banger, but because the song has become the soundtrack of the early years of their marriage. 

The little considerate things are part of what keeps the romance alive and what constantly reminds each other how special their love is. Emily and Richard don’t often come off as the warm-hearted, fluffy feelings kind, but nonetheless, the affection they have for each other is constant and quite admirable.

Emotions Can Get in the Way and Blind

I admire Emily’s assertiveness. She almost never hesitates to make a decision, nor does she take it back once she has taken action. Some may call it pride, others stubbornness, and while at times that is for sure what it is, in other cases, it’s her own self-confidence in making decisions and standing up for them. There is only one way you can have this degree of self-assertion, and it comes from clearly knowing your principles, values, and goals, as these are the basis of our decision-making. 

In contrast, Rory and Lorelai often make choices based on their gut or fleeting feelings. This is not always a bad thing, but very often, it blinds them to what is right. Like all those times Rory dates someone the viewers clearly know she shouldn’t, but her emotions have blinded her to it. This never happens to Emily because, even though she has strong feelings and gets upset at times, Emily’s decision-making is rarely based on emotions alone. 

It may be obvious by now and not worth stating, but I'll say it anyway: Emily is my favorite Gilmore Girl. She has the spunk and smarts of Rory and Lorelai, but she also has an old-fashioned wisdom that I appreciate. We all know she is difficult at times, but there is no doubt that she understands love. Her dedication to her husband, daughter, and granddaughter is what Emily’s life revolves around, and she likes it that way. She may not be perfect, and her temper may be more than many of us would like to hang around, but she is virtuous, and she constantly tries to do good, not only for herself but for everyone she loves.