Evie Writers Spill: How We Knew Our Exes Weren’t The One

But when you definitely know he isn’t the one – well, that’s a little easier to explain. We asked our writers here at Evie to share some examples, and maybe one or two (or all of them) will resonate with you. From cultivating jealousy to wanting different things to having zero ambitions in life, here’s how we knew our exes weren’t the one.

“My first love was this guy in high school a couple years older than me that would barely give me the time of day. He was big on mind games and his go-to move was to consistently try to make me jealous, which I later realized was why our ‘relationship’ was so toxic. We were out together the day before he was leaving for college, and I was helping him run errands and get things together to pack. We ran into a hardware store, and as I'm thinking about how hard it's going to be to be away from him, he was ogling the girl who checked us out. I pretended I didn't notice as I was used to doing, and when we got to his car, he said, ‘What would you do if I just asked that girl out in front of you?’” – Anna Hartman, Managing Editor

“I said from the start that I wanted marriage and kids, and after a few months of dating, he said he wanted the same. Two years into the relationship, he started going back and forth about it, wouldn’t really give me an answer, and also said if he did have kids, he’d want to have them in our mid to late thirties. Instead of waiting around and hoping that I could change his mind, I just ended it. He’d already wasted enough of my time. And even if I could’ve changed his mind to have kids earlier, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to have kids with someone who was so uncertain in the first place.” – Rebecca Hope, Contributing Writer

“My ex used to go on vacations with girls I didn’t like, spend the whole trip dancing with them in country bars, and blame my busy schedule as his reason for not inviting me.” – Anonymous, Contributing Writer

“We were both in college and were having a conversation about the future when he told me that he planned to move out of state after graduation. As someone who wanted to stay in state to be closer to my family, both he and I knew that it wasn’t going to work out in the long run. It was hard because he was a wonderful guy and I will always wish him well, but ultimately it was for the best.” – Meghan Dillon, Contributing Writer

“My ex-boyfriend had zero drive or motivation to better himself in life. We started dating in college, and he had a great personality, and we got along really well. I loved him, but after I graduated and started working and thinking about the future, I realized I couldn’t build a life with someone who didn’t have the same goals or aspirations as I did.”  – Ella Carroll-Smith, Contributing Writer

“My ex-boyfriend wasn’t the one for many, many reasons…but hey, you live and learn! He had no intentions of being exclusive, despite how much I was peppered with promises otherwise. He may not have meant it, but he guilted me with fears of losing him over his desire to be open and my desire to be committed. I so blindly admired him, however, and had been crushing on him since early high school so I forgave, forgave, forgave. Eventually, he slept with one of my best female friends despite knowing that I was a virgin and that intimacy between the two of us was a sensitive matter. Frankly, I was very misled in that relationship not only because he had a near opposite upbringing to me, was unreasonably dependent on weed, and lacked any drive to be a high achiever, but also because he was very, very, very gender-confused. Last I heard, he now identifies as she and takes HRT, but I have no interest in knowing any more than that.” – Andrea Mew, Contributing Writer

“We were in the same program in college and took all our classes together. We had really compatible personalities and got along like a house on fire. But I was always seeing other people when he was single, and vice versa. Our first semester of law school, neither of us was dating anyone else, and a mutual friend set us up. I thought, finally, this is happening! Things escalated very quickly. I met his family and all his friends, at his insistence, and we were spending all of our time together. He wanted to be exclusive immediately, and he treated me so well that I didn’t really see the red flags that were slowly inching closer and closer. Weeks later, he completely ghosted me out of nowhere. I never found out why – I think he had a lot of mental health stuff going on – but I was immature and too upset at the time to realize he was doing me a favor. Months and months later, he contacted me out of the blue, asking if I’d drive 400 miles to hook up with him. Hard pass. In the end, I dropped out of law school right before Covid hit, and I thank God every day that I didn’t stay in a glorified situationship and rack up student debt.” – Gwen Farrell, Contributing Writer

Closing Thoughts

You might be cordial friends with your ex, or you might be hoping you never lay eyes on him again. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, especially because breakups can be some of the most heartbreaking, uncertain times you’ll ever experience. Without the other person who you’ve come to love and trust, you might feel unmoored or like you’ve just ruined your whole future. But if you know deep down that he’s not the guy for you, know that there are good times (and probably a good man) waiting just beyond the horizon. Finding true and everlasting love can be a long journey, but if your ex wasn’t meant to be that means there’s someone else out there who is.

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