Gender Transition Surgery Targets The Wrong People: Changing Yourself To Fix Others’ Behavior Is Never The Right Answer

I was once a child disgusted by my femininity and ashamed of anything about my body that made me look womanly. I couldn’t stop the process of puberty and becoming a woman, and it horrified me. For me, it was about survival: I had drawn the attention of adults who took advantage of me – repeatedly. I did everything I could to avoid such attention by trying to make myself look less attractive and smashing everything down on my body that created curves. I know I’m not the only girl to have done that.

Accepting Blame When It’s Not Yours Fosters Mental Health Problems

Throughout adulthood, I have worked like crazy to recover from the ravages of childhood physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. This recovery could not have started without first recognizing one very powerful point: As a child, when you are abused in any way, you are in no way at fault. You are powerless and at the mercy of adults to provide essential things for survival. Children are never at fault for being the victim of adult perpetrators or even peer bullies.

This is an incredibly important point. I know how much I avoided the thought of being a victim, mainly because discussions about victimhood have been clouded by the broader societal discussion about victim mentality. These two issues are in no way the same, even though they share vocabulary. There are times, especially for children facing abuse and bullying, when it is immensely important to acknowledge that a person, especially a child, is a victim. Children have very little means of their own to improve adverse situations without the support and intervention of caring adults.

Moving into adulthood, I blamed myself for every ounce of abuse I endured as a child. Thinking that I must have caused the abuse shaped everything about who I was. I constantly felt guilty for things that weren’t my fault, and I tried to become invisible so as not to draw any unwanted attention which might cause further abuse. It was only once I acknowledged that I had been a victim of abuse that I was able to begin any sort of healing process. Accepting who deserved the blame allowed me to realize I could become the person, especially the woman, I genuinely am. I never was the problem! Now I ask myself, how many children considering transition surgeries need to hear that? We already know of detransitioners who wish they could turn back time. 

“Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.” – M. Scott Peck

How Many So-Called Transgender Children Are Actually Trying To Avoid Further Abuse?

When I try to put myself in the shoes of children and teens facing today’s problems, I’m struck by the permanency of the options they are presented with. Due to my shame over my womanhood, I would have easily been at risk for the gender transition surgeries now constantly being pushed by adults. This is precisely what fills every fiber of my being with horror. I could have been one of those kids wanting to cut off my breasts instead of merely strapping them down. Without breasts, I could have prevented my adult perpetrators from desiring me. I would have done anything to make it all stop. Those decisions, though, would have been a permanent change that would only have allowed me and others to continue ignoring the actual problem – the perpetrators.

Surgical Procedures Designed To Fix Mental Health Problems Only Distract from the Real Issues

I am now an adult who is in a place of healing and couldn’t be happier with life, my femininity, and my relationships. Now that I know what it took for me to start the recovery process, I can say wholeheartedly that gender transition surgery would not have solved my problems at all. I would have been taking on the blame for what adults were doing wrong and only prolonging my sense of guilt and shame over who I was. Overcoming these problems requires brutally staring them in the face and working through them. It might not be easy to do; in fact, it was one of the most painful things I ever did, but there are no shortcuts to healing. Physical surgeries reshaping the body cannot fix internal problems of the heart and mind, and they certainly cannot resolve behavioral problems that are other people’s to own. 

Closing Thoughts

I know my own journey has certainly not been easy. However, I can now embrace confidently who I am and love the skin I am in. I am overjoyed with being the woman I am and appreciate what a healthy relationship with good men looks like. To take away or delay a child’s opportunity to discover their true selves by urging them to change who they are (especially through surgery) is only targeting the child rather than their actual problems.

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