Heading Toward Divorce? Here Are 8 Ways To Get You Both Back On Track And Help Save Your Marriage

None of us get married with the intention of getting divorced one day. We make our vows with the intention of keeping them. Even so, a few years and many fights down the road, some might find that their marriage is headed in a direction they never really expected – toward divorce.

While some divorces come about suddenly, taking one spouse somewhat by surprise, other divorces might have been building for a while, with both spouses feeling themselves drifting away from each other; they’ve been sensing that their marriage is on the rocks and headed toward divorce, but they don’t know what to do. And even considering where their marriage is headed is enough to cause anxiety, because they feel powerless to save it.

But in many cases, there is still both hope and time to save a marriage that’s taken a turn toward divorce. Here are eight ways you can get your marriage back on track instead of giving up and throwing in the towel.

1. Make the Choice and Stick To It

The very first step to saving a marriage that’s teetering on the edge of divorce is to fully recognize what will happen to your marriage if you don’t do anything and allow things to progress as they are – and then make the decision to change course and save your marriage.

But making this choice isn’t a one-time thing, and it’s not the easier choice, either – the choice to save your marriage will be a choice that you have to continue making over the coming months, even years, to do everything within your power to get your marriage back on track.

2. Own Up to Your Shortcomings

Maybe you feel like your husband has been working too much, or that he just never listens to you, or like he checked out of the marriage a long time ago. When we’re worried about a divorce, it’s tempting to find everything wrong that he’s been doing, or focus on everything he hasn’t been doing that would’ve made all the difference.

While he most likely has his faults, it’s important to take responsibility for your own faults and be honest with yourself about how you contributed to the marriage’s problems. The only way you’ll be able to start the work of reviving your marriage is by first acknowledging how you need to grow.

3. Be Willing To Listen

There are few things healthier for a marriage than communication. We have to be able to have honest discussions about what’s really going on in order to solve any issues. But communication isn’t just about expressing how you’re feeling – it involves listening, as well. Be ready and willing to listen to what your husband is thinking and feeling – if you don’t know, you won’t be able to address any of it and get your marriage back on track. 

The goal in these discussions is to make him feel heard and understood, so try not to get defensive.

And while it’s easy to get defensive when he opens up (he might bring up something you did or said that bothered him, or surprise and hurt you by how much he’s been struggling), the goal in these discussions is to make him feel heard and understood, and more willing to work with you in repairing the marriage. To get the marriage back to a healthy place, honesty is necessary.

4. Make Repairing Your Marriage More Important Than Anything Else

It’s understandable to want to focus on anything but your marriage when it feels like it’s falling apart – like your job, your friends, your children, or anything else you can pour your mind’s energy into. Thinking about the state of the relationship might feel painful, embarrassing, and lonely, and it’s easier to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

But if you want to steer your marriage away from divorce, that has to become more important than anything else. That doesn’t mean neglecting everything else in your life, but it’s essential to show your husband that you’re serious about saving your marriage and willing to put in the work.

5. Banish Passive-Aggressiveness from Your Vocabulary

Most of us think it’s better to be passive-aggressive than full-on aggressive – as long as no one’s yelling, no one can be getting hurt, right? Well, no, actually. Passive-aggressiveness, while not always obvious, will breed all kinds of resentment and be deeply destructive to a marriage.

And while you probably have reasons for making snarky comments (how does he always forget something when you send him to the store?), it’s not helpful or loving to criticize with sharp comments for every mistake he makes. A marriage is made up of a million little moments that all add up over time, and if enough of those moments are colored with criticism, it’ll be difficult for him to see you in a positive light.

6. Address Any Underlying Issues You Have That Could Be Contributing to the Rough Patch

Sometimes, there are deeper, more serious issues to address in a marriage than general communication issues. It’s not always personality differences that cause a marriage to head for divorce. Sometimes, addiction, behavioral problems, or mental health issues are at play.

The health of your marriage is reflective of your personal health. 

The health of your marriage is reflective of your personal health. So now is the time to pay attention to these issues, should they be present. This could look like joining a support group, reading relevant books, or speaking to a professional.

7. Find Another Couple To Talk To

Being in a marriage that’s headed for divorce is incredibly lonely – you might not want to openly discuss it with just anyone, especially someone who wouldn’t understand what you’re going through. But you still wish you had someone who’s walked this road before to talk to.

It could be helpful to find another couple who went through a similar rough patch but found a way to repair their marriage, whether through your place of worship or a mutual friend. They’ll be able to speak from wisdom and experience that will make you feel less alone while offering insight you need to hear.

8. Go to Marriage Counseling

Even healthy marriages could benefit from marriage counseling from time to time – and if your marriage is on the rocks, one of the most significant, valuable things you can do is find a trustworthy counselor who will be able to act as a mediator and walk through this season with you and your husband, if your budget allows it. 

It’s possible to avoid a divorce without going to counseling, but taking the time to sit down with a professional every single week to talk through your issues and tackle them head-on will have a profound effect on your connection and the health of your marriage.

Closing Thoughts

In most cases, it’s entirely possible to save your marriage from divorce, but it will take courage, maturity, intentionality, honesty, and dedication.

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