He’s Just Not That Into You: Why We Should Stop Tolerating Iffy Behavior From Guys We Date

But there are also times where I can’t believe I put up with a guy with toxic tendencies just because I liked him. As women, we tend to tolerate behavior from the men we date (or are even just talking to) that we shouldn’t. They say you accept the love you think you deserve, but many of us don’t know our own self-worth. We’re all worth more than a guy who ghosts or is wishy-washy about letting you know how he feels about you. If he exhibits these behaviors, he’s just not that into you.

Ghosting Is a Cowardly Move

Many of us have unfortunately experienced ghosting in the dating world, which is when someone cuts off all communication without any explanation. It’s a cowardly move because it’s not hard just to tell someone that the relationship isn’t working out. They may even say they resorted to ghosting instead of talking it out because they’re “too busy.”

He’s not too busy.

All of us have had to deal with a guy who has canceled a date or can’t hang out because he’s “too busy.” Sometimes they’re even “too busy” to respond to your texts. We all have busy lives and sometimes don’t have a lot of free time, but if you’ve made a commitment to date someone then you’ve committed to giving your time to that person. If a guy doesn’t have a lot of free time for a girlfriend, then he should spare you the pain and not commit to you until he can devote his time to a relationship.

Ghosting is callous and immature.

If you ghost, it also shows that you have no regard for the other person’s time or emotions. Research shows that ghosting is one of the worst ways to end a relationship. 

If you’ve made a commitment to date someone, then you’ve committed to giving your time to that person.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jenny Taitz believes the rise in dating apps also contributes to the normalization of ghosting. She says, “I think some people, just because of the apps and the number of people they’re meeting, are just not very mindful, and without being very mindful, it’s hard to be empathic. You forget this person [that you’re talking to] is a person. Just because I called them once and I looked at their picture four times, doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings.” 

It's true that those who ghost aren’t necessarily emotionless, but someone who ghosts is clearly too immature for a relationship and isn’t worth your time. In short, it’s important for us to only give our time to guys who make time for us.

If He’s into You, He’ll Let You Know

I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, especially in relationships. For example, he could say that he’s sorry he can’t hang out that night because he’s busy, but he also mysteriously appears in the background of his best friend’s Snapchat story at a bar. He could apologize for lying to you the next day, but his actions speak much louder than his words in this situation.

If a guy is truly into you, he’ll let you know with his words and his actions. 

If a guy is truly into you, he’ll let you know with his words and his actions. He’ll ask how your family is doing in casual conversation. He’ll be by your side if something scary happens and you need someone to talk to. Going out of your way to show that you care about somebody means more than some words ever could.

You might communicate differently, and that's okay.

However, some couples struggle communicating because their communication styles are different. That’s why it’s important to know what your love language is and to talk about it with your S.O. early in your relationship. There’s even a quiz designed for couples to help you figure out how to mesh your two love languages together.

In short, if he’s leaving you wondering if he’s really into you or not, he’s probably not and he’s not worth your time.

It’s Okay To Have High Expectations

If you’re dating with purpose instead of dating to hook up, it’s perfectly normal to be picky and to have high expectations. You’re literally looking for a guy to possibly marry someday, not for a new pair of shoes. It’s unrealistic that someone should meet every single one of your expectations and needs, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve. Nobody is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that the perfect person for you isn’t out there.

You accept the love you think you deserve, but many of us don’t know our own self-worth. 

Dating apps can make it harder to find a good guy.

I’ll give an example. I was on dating apps on and off for the majority of my early twenties. You’d think that I would have been on many dates in that amount of time, but I could count the number of dates I went on on my own two hands. This was before I realized that dating apps weren’t the best place to find someone to date long-term, but even then, I refused to settle for anything less than I deserved. As someone who didn’t know her worth for so long, I refuse to settle for anything less than an amazing man, and you should do the same.

Closing Thoughts

As women, we often tend to tolerate iffy behavior from the guys we date because we often don’t know our own worth. That’s why it’s important to know we’re worthy of love and that if a guy is a jerk, he’s just not that into you.