How Do I Know If A Guy Just Wants To Sleep With Me? 7 Signs His Intentions Aren’t Pure

The beginning of a new relationship will always present us with a few mysteries. We’ve yet to learn everything there is to know about this new guy we’re seeing. We can’t totally predict where the relationship will go. We attempt to uncover the hidden meaning behind each text’s punctuation, each look from him, each sign of interest.

Of course, this is part of what makes the first few weeks of a relationship so exhilarating – the uncertainty of it all, the back-and-forth dance, the little signals that keep us interested and looking for more. While we love the stability and comfort that comes with having someone committed to us, we have to admit that this stage of a relationship is exciting and enjoyable for a time.

But eventually, if it doesn’t seem like the relationship is moving forward or getting more serious, we’ll start to wonder exactly what his intentions are in dating us – whether he’s just a slow mover, especially shy, or just wants to sleep with us.

So how can we know if a guy is only looking for physical intimacy, and nothing else from us? What are the signs that he just wants to sleep with us?

He Really Doesn’t Want To Label It

Defining a relationship takes it from casual to serious. It means that in order for that relationship to cease to exist, there’d have to be an explicit breakup, that we’re now allowed to have expectations of one another, that we’re committing to building a lasting connection together. Labels mean something significant.

While there are valid reasons for shying away from labeling a relationship (like wanting to wait until we’re totally sure, or preferring to date for a certain amount of time beforehand), if a guy we’ve been seeing for a little while keeps running away from the conversation every time we attempt to figure out where things are going, or has even said something along the lines of, “Let’s just see where things go. Labels are so restrictive,” we can take this as a sure sign that he’s not interested in any kind of commitment, but instead is keeping us around while it’s still fun for him.

He Only Contacts You for a Specific Purpose

When a guy likes us, he’ll want to talk to us – plain and simple. He’ll genuinely be interested in how our day is going, he’ll send a funny meme he saw on Twitter, he’ll text us his thoughts on that new Netflix show we mentioned we loved. The point is: If he likes us, he’ll talk to us for any reason he can come up with.

If a guy truly likes us, he’ll talk to us for any reason he can come up with.

But if a guy’s only interested in having a girl to sleep with, he’ll always reach out for the specific reason of setting up a “date,” and never just to hang out on the phone. He really couldn’t care less about what happened at work that day, or about our family drama, or what kind of ice cream we’re having. He talks to us with the intention of setting up a “hang out” and asks about nothing else.

He Pushes Your Boundaries

We all have different boundaries in dating. What some are comfortable with, others need more time and security. And while this isn’t everyone’s decision, some women want to wait for physical intimacy until after they're married. If the guy we’re seeing is more interested in us than anything else, he’ll respect any boundaries we set, including physical ones. He’ll see the relationship and our long-term desires as more important than temporary desires.

On the flip side, if he consistently tries to see how far he can push our boundaries, treats our “no” as if it’s a coy challenge to convince us, or doesn’t take our decisions or values seriously, then he’s not looking for a long-term relationship, and he certainly doesn’t respect us – even if it really seems like the only reason he’s pushing is because of how deeply in love he is. Instead, he’s looking for something casual and non-committal, and ultimately selfish.

His Words Aren’t Backed Up by His Actions

Not all of us are gifted with tenacity and confidence, especially when it comes to romance. Some guys, despite their genuine interest in us, are on the shy side. They take some more time to show us their feelings, freely express themselves through sweet gestures, and make moves to show us their commitment. 

But sometimes, a guy’s sweet, romantic, lofty proclamations about how taken he is with us are nothing more than words – words he’s using to make us think he’s a lot more committed than he actually is. If his words aren’t backed up by actions like staying exclusive, texting us back, or showing genuine interest in how we’re doing, then the sweet words he’s giving us aren’t indicative of how he actually feels.

He Doesn’t Want To Do Introductions

It’s normal to want to date for just a little while before introducing someone to our friends or family – both to make sure we want to continue with the relationship, and simply to enjoy the “just us” aspect of a new relationship. We want to allow things to build naturally and not force something as significant as introducing them to our parents on a budding romance. But either way, if a guy is serious enough about us, it won’t be long before he’ll want to show us off to everyone who’ll look, brag about us to anyone who’ll listen…and introduce us to the people in his life.

He won’t want to spend the time to meet anyone who’s special to us, because we’re not special to him.

When a guy isn’t interested in anything beyond the physical, he’ll always have a reason that we shouldn’t meet his family or come along to grab dinner with his friends, and he’ll always be busy when we invite him out for a round of drinks with our friend group, or shrug it off when we mention that our parents are coming to town. He won’t want to spend the time to meet anyone who’s special to us, because we’re not special to him.

He Doesn’t Try To Get To Know You

When we like someone, we want to become an expert on them. We want to know every little detail about them, to know what their favorite book was as a kid, to know what they’d order at any given restaurant, to know what their deepest desires and fears are. We want to know them.

But if the guy we’re seeing isn’t really interested in learning anything about us, and even zones out or doesn’t retain the little details we mention, his mind is clearly set on something else. He won’t bother to get to know us on any deep, significant level because, for him and his purposes, it’s not necessary to.

He Doesn’t Take Your Hints

Some guys naturally take initiative – he wants to see you, so he’ll plan a date. He wants to be with you, so he asks you to be his girlfriend. He wants you to feel loved, so he gets you a thoughtful gift. And while other guys might hesitate more before taking action, they’ll respond well to little hints we drop. He’ll notice that we mentioned we didn’t have plans yet on Friday and ask us out, or he’ll pick up on us “offhandedly” mentioning how long we’ve been dating and ask us to be exclusive. The point is he’ll pick up on any hints we drop because he’s actively pursuing us.

But when a guy is only interested in sleeping with us, he’ll ignore our bids when we say we’ve been wanting to try out that new Italian place, or when we mention that our birthday is next month, or when we tell him red roses are our favorite. He’ll choose not to pick up on our hints because following up on them doesn’t matter to him.

Closing Thoughts

It’s not always easy to tell where a relationship is headed in the very beginning, but if a guy is only interested in sleeping with you, it’ll become apparent soon enough.

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