How Dressing For Men Changed My Life For The Better

What’s your initial reaction when you see a headline that reads, “We asked men what they thought of ‘X’ fashion trend”? 

Is it, “pssh, who cares?” Or is it, click, click, click, tell me the secret of what men like? 

If it’s a bit of both, that’s okay. We’ve been groomed by the sexual revolution to pit ourselves against men and see them in a competitive light rather than as complementary partners. 

But there’s no denying that men are visual creatures. Even Adam, in the Bible, after all, saw Eve and exclaimed “finally!” at the sight of her. 

While we women often lead with feelings, men lead with what they see. That’s why polls usually state that men believe in love at first sight more than women.  

So with this knowledge, should we be catering more to the male gaze than to our female counterparts?

Trends vs Timeless Style

I used to love a “man repeller” outfit: Think wide-legged trousers, playing with proportions and textures, and finishing it off with an oversized jacket (usually bought from the men’s department). 

A magazine editor once coined my style as “utilitarian,” and I’d get so many compliments, but always only from women. 

I doubt I ever got a double glance from a man during this phase because truly nothing about my look was feminine. But at the time, this was fine for me. I wasn’t dressing for men. I wanted to dress, quite honestly, for other women. I wanted them to see me as “cool” and confident. I wanted women to respect me and remember my style. 

That was until I decided to ditch feminism in return for embracing my femininity. In a rebellious attempt to lobby against the progressive relativism that tells us gender is a mere social construct, I felt called to dress as girly as possible. 

It all started when I wore a puff sleeve dress on vacation in Wales, and a boy (no older than 10) stopped me to say, “Wow, you look like a princess!” with childlike glee in his eyes. It was as if seeing me truly in my feminine state made this kid feel like everything was right in the world. 

I now dress for myself and how I want to experience this world, which is wholly as a woman.

I also noticed little girls smiling at me more when I wore dresses: In church, where other women would don jeans or trousers, walking my dog, where others wore tracksuits, and out and about on errands wearing those comfy-but-chic dresses.

Ever since I began dressing up for whatever occasion, my mindset has shifted, and the way people treat me has changed completely. Hello, hotel upgrades and delivery men happily bringing my packages up three floors, even though they could just leave them in the foyer. 

Redefining Beauty 

I no longer get compliments from the fashion or artsy types (let alone my teenage niece), and my theory is that “ugly” has continued to be lifted up as trendy. Just look at modern art and architecture. (Sidenote: If you’re interested in why beauty matters in this world, you need to watch philosopher Roger Scruton’s documentary.) 

We’re seeing runways and magazine shoots filled with women in tough athleisure (“blokette” aesthetic), while the men wear eyeliner and corsets. Is this really what the world thinks is the epitome of femininity and masculinity? I’m all for creativity, but nothing gives me the ick quicker than an effeminate man who’s wearing tighter clothes than me. 

I’ve also heard the theory about how we women are so inherently competitive that we’ll encourage one another to cut our hair short as a form of competitor manipulation and intrasexual competition. As bizarre as that may sound, whenever I poll on Instagram about cutting my hair, the yeses almost always exclusively come from my female followers. 

And annoying as it is, I rarely use polls, or any type of opinion gathering, to influence my choice. In reality, I’m merely seeking affirmation for the choice my subconscious has already made. I knew I wanted a “lob” no matter what, but did it soothe me when my male friends responded with “anything below your chin is long to us anyway”? Absolutely.

Classic Looks

Dressing like a woman in skirt suits, heels, co-ords, mary-janes, and lots of pink has been a game changer. It’s encouraged me to live that soft life. No longer am I dashing around in sneakers trying to catch my bus or throwing on leggings and a baggy hoodie to get out the door on time (although, don’t get me wrong, I still have those days occasionally), I now, by proxy, enjoy a slower life. 

I won’t rush in heels. I won’t try to get my suitcase in the overhead, and I sure as heck won’t rush to open a door – because when I’m in a dress, I am 100% certain that a nearby man will open it for me. 

Our Calling As Women

Chivalry and masculinity thrive when they can enjoy the polarity of our femininity. This isn’t me saying we need to be useless damsels in distress, but rather, women who encourage and accept gentlemanliness. 

In his book Life Is Worth Living, Fulton J. Sheen once said: “When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

I dress for men to admire the beauty that is femininity. I dress for men to respect women more. 

I didn’t leave my feminist beliefs to become a passive agent. I embraced my femininity in all walks of life, including how I dress, to level up myself, the men around me, and, according to these wise words above, civilization itself.

I no longer dress to be cutting-edge or to stand out, as I so desperately wanted to in my early 20s. As cliché as it sounds, I now dress in line with how I want to experience this world, which is wholly as a woman. I get to see that glint of joy we all feel when we see people living as they were created to live, in both adults and children, every time I make the intentional choice to dress for the gaze of others. After all, why is it only at parties or special occasions that we deem strangers worthy of seeing us at our best? Why aren’t we open to bringing beauty back into this world, full of such crushing ugliness, in our every day? In our homes, in the grocery store, in the park. 

This isn’t only the answer to straightening out wonky thoughts on gender, it’s about stepping into our best selves. After all, who doesn’t love seeing a man in a suit and a woman looking undeniably feminine in a dress beside him? It’s why we’re obsessed with clicking through galleries from celebrity award shows and famous weddings. 

Closing Thoughts 

Going to a church where Sunday best is the unanimous dress code changed my perspective on fashion. I was no longer trying to appease women with girl-cute styles or accentuate my figure for boy-cute outfits. I realized I ultimately wanted to step into being a woman. And for me, with a predominantly “ingenue” style essence, that looks like floral prints, pastel colors, midi dresses, cropped jackets, and fun, floaty trousers that no man would ever be seen in. Not only do I no longer shop in the men’s department, I avoid oversized if it’s going to drown me.

And boy, do I now rarely need to worry about walking to my car alone, carrying heavy bags, or getting my own drink. Do I dress for the male gaze? Not exactly. But do I dress for men? Yes. I dress for men to admire the beauty that is femininity. I dress for men to respect women more. And I dress for men to see that we are equal in dignity but oh-so-different from them. I dress in a way that does my tiny part to show this distorted world that something as precious and reverent as womanhood is here to stay. 

Follow Delphine to see her newfound feminine style on @delphinediscusses.

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