How I Escaped Girl Boss Hustle Culture To Live In My Feminine Flow

Like most millennial women, I went through my boss babe era. We grew up with the "independent woman" values heavily instilled in us. Our mothers and loved ones were doing the best they could to empower us to reach our potential and achieve our dreams – and we love them for it.

The vibes at the time were the Legally Blonde, "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child, and The Devil Wears Prada brand of feminism. The message was loud and clear: You can have it all. Work hard like a man because we are equal. Never depend on a man. Being a wife and mother is not enough, do more with your life. Make sure you look great while doing it!

I built my dream body and a successful business in a field I was passionate about: fitness. My days were hyper structured, starting with intense fasted early morning HIIT cardio sessions. I'd spend the majority of my time working on my programs, client coaching calls, and content creation for marketing. In the evenings, I'd go back to the gym for my heavy weightlifting workout session. My diet consisted of boring meal prep and meticulous macro and calorie tracking. I obsessed over every time management strategy, often working late into the night and rarely taking any days off, all for the sake of productivity. I was addicted to my Google calendar and the high of checking off my to-do list. In the midst of peak toxic productivity culture, I was optimizing every minute of my day and I was highly rewarded for it.

I couldn't see the problem with this lifestyle or the impending burnout. How could I? I was getting too much validation for everything modern culture valued. I had a thriving business that provided financial independence, lots of Instagram followers, and a physique that many desired. I enjoyed an exciting jet-setting work-social life and positive dating experiences that eventually led to meeting my wonderful husband.

The Modern Woman Realization

In an effort to help my clients maintain their dream body, I identified their most common problems as inconsistency and burnout, and I set out to find the solution. I noticed my clients were able to achieve their physique goals with my programs, but they struggled to stay consistent enough to maintain their results. I started doing more one-on-one coaching sessions to get to the bottom of this, and it quickly became crystal clear: Modern women are burnt out! On the surface, they are beautiful ladies with impressive resumes, but behind the scenes, they are barely keeping it together. They spend their days rushing around, working hard to perform at work before their "second shift" at home.

These women, who consistently put themselves last while caring for everyone else, would then beat themselves up for lacking the energy and willpower to push through restrictive diets and rigorous workouts at the end of an exhausting day.

In the early Instagram era, it was as though women had secretly made an unspoken pact to keep up appearances to prove we "had it all." We shared our highlight reels to brand ourselves as strong independent women who successfully managed relationships and happy families, all while looking perfect for the gram. We never dared to show our struggles.

It was only through these intimate one-on-one conversations that I started to truly see the reality of this conditioning playing out and what was in store for me if I continued on this trajectory. I was able to maintain this level of "girl boss" intensity at the time because I was young, unmarried, and had minimal life responsibilities. Would I be able to sustain this as a married woman while managing a household, raising children, and facing life's unpredictable challenges?

I realized the girl boss wouldn't be liberated any time soon from societal pressures or the desire to have a relationship, a family, and look beautiful. The girl boss lifestyle only added more pressure and responsibility to an already full plate. I didn't know the solution yet, but I knew this wasn't sustainable, and I didn't want this for myself.

My Discovery of Feminine Flow

I noticed some recurring patterns in my clients' experiences, such as fatigue during their period, relationship struggles and decreased willpower around PMS, specific times of heightened hunger and cravings, as well as bursts of increased energy and motivation. I resonated with most of these experiences so I started looking into this and found out these were not coincidences.

Women experience complex hormonal fluctuations throughout their cycle that affect their energy levels, mood, and overall disposition differently from day to day. Men, however, don't experience such drastic hormonal fluctuations. Their hormone patterns generally remain consistent on a daily basis. Yet, modern societal norms (i.e., the standard 9-5 work day) and expectations of equality have conditioned women to believe that we should be able to perform consistently at high levels in all areas of life regardless of these fluctuations.

This realization sparked my journey of understanding the menstrual cycle and how we as women can harness the power of each phase while honoring our unique cyclical needs for optimal feminine health, productivity, and success.

It became apparent that most women's cyclical needs were not being met, and this could be why so many of us struggle to balance work, relationships, and self-care consistently.

I began tracking my cycle, taking note of how I felt on each day and noticing even more patterns. I learned everything I could about the four phases – menstrual, follicular, ovulation and luteal – and how they each present their own unique needs, strengths, and challenges. I started to make small adjustments in my lifestyle accordingly, allowing myself to rest during menstruation and scheduling my workouts and work tasks based on my energetic capacity in each phase.

This was a game-changer! For the first time ever, I experienced a sense I could only assume to be what many artists describe as being in a state of flow. It was as if life started to feel easier and less forced. I was able to juggle all areas of life with less hustle and more flow. Even when things didn't go perfectly, I granted myself grace and acceptance, releasing the expectation of robotic productivity in my daily routine.

It became apparent that most women's cyclical needs were not being met, and this could be why so many of us struggle to balance work, relationships, and self-care consistently. I started questioning if maybe consistency could look different for women on their roughly 28 day cycle than it does for men on their 24 hour cycle.

My Feminine Awakening

Finally understanding my hormonal cycle has been incredibly transformative. It has shifted my perspective from viewing it as an inconvenience or flaw to recognizing it as the perfectly designed system it is. This change in mindset has blessed me with a deep sense of love and appreciation for the beautiful intricacies of my own body and the feminine experience.

In a society intent on denying our inherent differences in the name of equality, it was this confirmation that changed everything for me: Women are uniquely different from men.
Deep down we all intuitively know this. Despite this understanding, it felt like we were being subtly gaslit into ignoring our differences to create the illusion of sameness, so as not to provide any justifications for depriving women of equal opportunities. While it has undeniably done a disservice to many women, I am grateful for the intent and consideration. I knew there had to be a way for us, as women, to pursue our dreams and desires without ignoring our cyclical feminine nature.

For the first time in a long time, I had an overwhelming sense of purpose and passion for mastering what I affectionately call this "womb wisdom" in my own life so I can pay it forward by sharing this way of life with as many women as possible. I now proudly own my womanhood. It's been a beautiful journey in learning to embrace my feminine gifts and truly embodying femininity.

Less Hustle, More Flow

My life looks very different these days. I approach everything I take on through my cyclical, phase-specific framework. I’m now a happily married stay-at-home wife and dog mom. My husband, family, and health are my top priorities. I enjoy taking on passion projects to work on at my own pace.

My menstrual phase is a time for rest and introspection. This is when hormones are all at their lowest. I spend this time reflecting on my last cycle, journaling on what I did well and what I would like to improve upon in this cycle. I allow myself to sleep in and take time off from intense workouts, instead focusing on walking, gentle pilates, and yoga. My nutrition consists of mostly small portions of comforting soups, stews, and saucy meat dishes. I like to spend this time relaxing at home with my husband since I tend to feel more emotional and tender. He says I'm extra sweet and calm in this phase; I think this is his favorite of all the phases of my cycle. I also enjoy brief one-on-one quality time with close family at this time.

In the follicular phase (when menstruation ends and estrogen rises), I feel a burst of energy and creativity. This is when I start brainstorming new ideas, planning for the projects I'll take on in this cycle, and taking action. I schedule all my meetings, appointments, and deadlines for the rest of the cycle. I love doing my higher intensity, full body, and longer cardio workouts to capitalize on my higher energy levels. My go-to workouts in this phase include full body circuit training, High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), and spin classes. I notice I don't have much of an appetite, so I take this opportunity to extend my intermittent fasting windows and opt for lighter, low-carb meals like salads and smoothies. This helps me optimize my energy and get so much done. This phase is also a great time for a lunch or coffee date with my girlfriends.

Around ovulation is when I feel the most confident, strong, and assertive. The ovulatory phase is when testosterone rises, which explains why I feel like a superwoman! Unfortunately, this happens to be the shortest phase. I try to book most of my "front-facing" activities around this time. It's when I primarily focus on batch filming for content, delivering presentations, or taking important meetings. I also love to get dolled up for a date night and quality time with my husband in this peak fertility window. Parties, vacations, and nights out with friend groups are most fun at this time.

During the ovulatory phase, I opt for short yet intense workouts to maximize my time and leverage my increased strength. I mostly perform compound lifts with heavier weights for fewer repetitions. As for cardio, I really enjoy dancing around this time. My nutrition is still light and nutritious, with special emphasis on getting enough protein to support muscle recovery.

I now do less, yet accomplish much more meaningful work.

In my early luteal phase, it's time to wrap things up to meet my project deadlines. This is my final sprint of productivity before hormones drop. I tend to be a little hard on myself around this time so I like to have completed all my creative work by now to avoid sabotaging it. I save all the easy admin tasks to check off my to-do list in this phase.

My appetite starts to ramp up and my energy levels plummet as I approach my late luteal phase. I honor my body's needs by breaking my fast earlier, eating larger meals, and doing low-intensity workouts. I incorporate more slow-digesting carbs and healthy fats to keep me fuller longer and prevent mindless snacking. I also allow myself some sugar-free chocolate treats to satisfy the cravings I get. To mitigate the risk of injury due to low energy levels, I switch to slow and controlled isolation workouts with moderate weights. I take longer rest periods to ensure proper form and quality reps.

At this point, my social battery is completely depleted, so I give myself permission to take a step back from socializing and prioritize relaxing activities like journaling and reading to clear my mind. I am more introverted, irritable, and anxious in my late luteal phase, so I've learned it's best to spend most of this time alone to avoid conflict. I've found that deep cleaning, decluttering, and organizing my home are the perfect activities to dedicate myself to in this phase since I tend to hyper-fixate on the details that bother me most. In order to resist the urge to change everything about my life, I try not to have any serious conversations, make any important decisions, or compare myself to others.

Although I've gotten much better at managing it, I'll admit, the luteal phase is still a challenging time for me. But understanding what is happening in my body has made all the difference in allowing myself grace in this phase.

In My Soft-Life Era

I now do less, yet accomplish much more meaningful work. By setting clear boundaries on my priorities and energetic capacity, life no longer feels like a daily grind. I can maintain my physique in a sustainable and enjoyable way, thanks to the variety of workouts and meals I get in each phase of my cycle. It never feels like punishment or restriction. I am intentional about showing up as my best self in my relationships, resulting in more quality time with loved ones, reduced conflict, and less overwhelm. Getting to experience life in this soft, feminine, and intuitive way feels like a dream! A dream I find myself passionately sharing with any woman who'll listen. I want this kind of ease and flow for every woman who feels overwhelmed by life's many expectations.

By embracing our cyclical nature, practicing phase-specific living in feminine flow, and celebrating our femininity, we can break free from societal expectations and create a more empowered and harmonious life for ourselves as women.

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