How Long It Really Takes To Get Over Your Ex, According To A New Study

How long does it really take to get over an ex? Maybe it's been a couple of weeks, months, or even years. You've probably asked yourself if that emotional attachment will ever fully fade. Science has found an answer—well, an average—and it’s probably not what you want to hear. But don’t panic! Your lingering feelings for them will eventually dissipate.

A Study on Emotional Bonds

A recent study by Jia Y. Chong and R. Chris Fraley from the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign explored how long those emotional bonds take to dissolve after a breakup. To meet the study’s criteria, research volunteers had to have been in a romantic relationship lasting longer than two years. In total, 328 participants took part, with an average age in their early thirties. The majority (57%) were women, and on average, the participants had been in their previous relationships for 4.6 years, with breakups occurring about five years before the study. The participants were asked about their emotional attachment to their exes, including questions like whether they still enjoyed spending time with them or felt secure with them. The study also compared these feelings to their attachment to strangers, providing a baseline for emotional bonds.

They found that, on average, it takes about 4.18 years for the emotional attachment to an ex-partner to be halfway dissolved. They may appear in your mind from time to time, but it’s easier to move forward. 

However, if you're hoping for a clean break without emotional ties, you might have to wait longer. This is especially true if the relationship lasted for many years, as in the case of divorce. According to their study, the emotional bond completely fades away around 8 years. That attachment lingers far longer for a few people, even well beyond the typical timeline. Over time, the emotional bond to an ex fades for most people, to the point where it’s no stronger than their bond to a stranger.

Interestingly, the study also pinpointed key factors that could delay or speed up recovery. If you and your ex have children together, or if you’re still in regular contact, it could take much longer to let go. Additionally, anxiety plays a role. People with higher levels of anxiety tend to hold on to their emotional bonds longer, which makes sense when you think about how hard it can be to let go when your mind keeps obsessing over “what could’ve been.”

Those who have gone through a breakup understand how difficult it can be. A major factor that affects how quickly you can move on is whether you’re still in contact with your ex. The more you stay in touch, the harder it is to completely sever those ties.

How To Get Over Your Faster 

Now, let’s pivot a little. You’re likely reading this article because you can’t get over someone.   Forgetting about a man you’ve spent years with won’t be easy, but there are ways to mitigate the heartbreak you feel. For one, you can focus on self-care, and socializing with supportive friends boosts your emotional resilience. Re-engaging with hobbies (or finding new ones) and activities that bring you joy can also kickstart the healing process. It might feel tough at first, but distancing yourself from the ex and refocusing on your own growth makes it easier to move forward.

You should not scroll through your ex’s social media or try to figure out if they’re seeing someone new. No more reading their mysterious captions or checking their IG Stories. Don’t waste your time wondering if they’re still thinking about you.  

Dr. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., makes an important point about this: when we keep tabs on our ex online, we prevent ourselves from really moving on. The first step is to admit you have a habit. Once you acknowledge it, you can start breaking it. You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to your friends and ask them to help you stay accountable. If you really need to, hide or block their posts.  

Time to Move On (For Real)

The point is, you’ve got to make the effort to get over your ex. I'm not suggesting you beat yourself up for still feeling emotionally attached to them—be kind to yourself. Give yourself some grace. But at the same time, challenge yourself to redirect that energy toward other things that help you heal and grow. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Rediscover what you love doing. Take up a new hobby, volunteer, travel with friends, just do whatever it takes to move forward.

And when you’re ready, you can get back out there.  

Closing Thoughts

It’s normal to want closure, and some of us may feel like the emotional bond will never fully disappear. But the key takeaway here is that it does fade, even if it takes years. It might not be a fast road, but it can happen with time and a little self-discipline.