How Marriage Has Changed Me For The Better

I got married when I was 23 – on the young side, compared to most other women in my generation. The decision to get married at all these days, much less at a relatively young age, is one that's bound to be met with mixed reactions. You’ll get some celebrating alongside you, but you’re also likely to get more than a few raised eyebrows and questions like, “Why would you want to get married when you have a 50% chance of getting a divorce?” and well-meaning advice like, “Just move in together instead,” or “You should be focusing on your career right now, not love.”

It’s no secret that we live in a culture that tends to denigrate the meaning of marriage and the pursuit of love. We’re encouraged to move across the country for a job we’re hoping will lead to the next chapter of our career, but not for a man we’re hoping to marry and create a life with.

This is because our culture has come to believe that getting married will hold a woman back from living to her full potential. Many don’t believe in good marriages anymore, in the value of committing your life to someone and promising to choose them for the rest of your days, in the fulfillment to be found in building a life with your best friend. What they believe is that getting married costs you more than it gives you.

Here’s the thing – marriage does cost you (more on that later). But it also provides you with a deep kind of fulfillment that you can’t find elsewhere. Being married is not always easy, but I wouldn't change my decision for the world. Marriage has undoubtedly changed me for the better. Here’s how.

Marriage Made Me Want To Be Better

Barbie star Margot Robbie recently said, “Being married is actually the most fun ever, life got way more fun somehow. I have a responsibility being someone’s wife. I want to be better.” The word responsibility might rub some the wrong way, but Robbie’s words touch on a profound truth about being married.

It’s a responsibility – but it’s not a responsibility that we should let make us feel weighed down by; it’s one that should inspire a desire to get better at bearing that responsibility. Being responsible for something (or someone) is an honor that takes getting used to, but the drive to become a better woman because of being someone’s wife is real.

Marriage Made My Life a Lot More Fun

It wasn’t only having a responsibility that Margot Robbie mentioned as a benefit of being married. She also made a point of saying that being married is fun – being someone’s wife made her life a lot more enjoyable. 

Marriage led me to go on all kinds of adventures I likely never would have otherwise.

And fun it is indeed. Being married has helped me discover countless new hobbies, from playing video games together to making up new recipes. It’s led me to go on all kinds of adventures I likely never would have otherwise, from hiking in the mountains of Colorado to exploring the ruins of St Andrews Cathedral. And even on the “normal” days when we’re just hanging out at home, I get to do that with someone. I get to do life alongside my best friend.

Marriage Made Me Grow Up

Millennials and Gen Z are finding that they never stopped feeling like kids, despite being full-fledged adults. Scrolling through TikTok, you’ll find countless videos featuring women in their late twenties and early thirties joking that they still feel like teenagers.

But once you get married (no matter at what age), you’re not a kid anymore. Being a wife means that whether or not you feel like it, you’re an adult. Getting married challenged me to grow up, to take the vows that I made seriously, to step up to the plate.  

Marriage Made Me Less Selfish

While we’re all born incredibly selfish, our obsession with having our desires met is one that is grown out of as we slowly discover that we’re not the only person with desires in the world. But selfishness is something that is somewhat celebrated these days. What was once understood to be a quality that needed to be grown out of is now treated like a healthy one, equated to an act of self-care. This kind of selfishness is easier to get away with never growing out of when you’re still single.

But as soon as you get married, you’re immediately confronted with how self-centered you are. Your life doesn’t center around you anymore. There’s someone else to consider, to care for, to think about, and even put before yourself. In this way, marriage costs you quite a bit, but it’s a cost that ultimately molds you into a better woman. Having to put a hold on your desires in order to pay attention to someone else’s is a good thing, provided both spouses are attempting to serve each other this way.

Being married to the right person won’t take away from all that you want to do with your life – it’ll make it that much more possible.

Marriage Inspired Me To Reach For More

Marriage doesn’t only cause you to think of yourself less, however. It doesn’t only challenge you to put someone else’s needs before your own and grow out of selfishness. Marriage can also be a support to you and your dreams.

Since getting married, my husband has acted as a support for me, from encouraging me to send that cold email when I probably wouldn’t have, to helping me weigh which career paths to pursue, to cheering me up when I felt burnt out. Being married to the right person won’t take away from all that you want to do with your life – it’ll make it that much more possible.

Marriage Helped Me Understand Men

Despite making up the other half of the population, men are somewhat of a mystery to many women. We don’t understand why they don’t cry often, if at all. We don’t see why they’d rather talk about solutions to fix a problem instead of talking about how they feel. We don’t get their obsession with conquering the next level on their video game or their refusal to stop and ask for directions.

Speaking from personal experience, I had next to no understanding of men. Having no brothers or guy friends growing up, the way men worked was absolutely foreign to me. I didn’t know how they expressed themselves. I didn’t know what they needed from a spouse. I didn’t know how their minds worked.

Getting married offers you a more intimate, close relationship with a man than just dating; you’re given a peek into the inner world of a man, what he needs, what he desires, and how to love him as you embark on the journey of building a life together. Men can no longer be an abstract, far-off idea after becoming someone’s wife –  your husband’s worries, dreams, fears, and hopes become very real to you.

Marriage Helped Me Build New Strengths

Whatever weakness we have, whether it’s speaking before we think, having next to no patience, letting our emotions have too great an influence on us, or struggling to stick with anything we start, marriage has a way of bringing these weaknesses out from under the rug and into the light. 

But marriage isn’t all about getting us to acknowledge our weaknesses all the time. Getting married will actually enable you to build new strengths as you become more aware of the areas where you can grow. Rather than feeling defeated by your shortcomings, marriage offers you both a stable place and a reason to build new strengths.

Closing Thoughts

From challenging me to be less selfish to inspiring me to cultivate new strengths to helping me understand the other half of the population, marriage has changed me for the better in every way imaginable.

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