How The “Beautiful Girl Effect” Could Make Him Dump You

We’ve all said it, or at the very least, thought it. When it comes to the disparity of attractiveness in relationships, it looks like something just doesn’t add up. 

It might not make sense to our minds, but if your beautiful friend is dating an unattractive guy, there’s something to him you’re probably not seeing that she does. But unfortunately, this disparity might lead him to believe he’s more attractive than he really is. What is the beautiful girl effect? Here’s everything you need to know.

The Dunning-Kruger Side of Dating

Have you ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect? It’s a cognitive bias, and even if you’ve never employed it yourself, you’ve probably encountered it. They say that ignorance is bliss, and with individuals suffering from this bias, that’s very much the case. 

Basically, an individual who suffers from incompetence may actually believe themselves to be more competent than other individuals because they highly overestimate their capability. What they lack in expertise, knowledge, experience, or information, they make up for in bravado, believing themselves to be the equal of someone who possesses all of those qualities. 

When it comes to the beautiful girl effect, we have a subset of men who are more or less suffering from this bias. The more beautiful the woman, the more puzzling it is to the rest of us when they’re dating a guy who is not physically on the same level. But as many women know, his personality, sense of humor, work ethic, and overall character make up for any perceived physical deficiencies. Though it sounds unrealistic to some, many beautiful women date men who aren’t on their same level of attractiveness, or at least that’s how outsiders would see it.

The issue is self-awareness and how men use it incorrectly. Most of these men are aware that their girlfriends are more attractive than they are, and therein lies the rub. Instead of thinking, Wow, I’m so lucky to be with a woman who is so visually stunning, they begin to think, Maybe I can do better? Maybe I’m just as attractive as she is – I must be if I’m dating her, right? Their misguided self-awareness is truly their downfall. They’re aware that they’re not on the same level as their mate, and instead of being humble about it, they decide to completely overestimate their capabilities – potentially dumping her and breaking her heart to see what else is out there.

A Valid Criticism

No matter what the manosphere or the likes of Andrew Tate may say, women date conventionally unattractive men because they like them, not because the guy is a charity case or because there’s something more sinister at work. As one TikTok user explains, a guy’s attractiveness may be a 5 on a standard physical scale – but his sense of humor, personality, ability to hold a conversation, and how he meshes with a girl may tick that overall attractiveness up to an 8. For men, the logic is more quantitative rather than qualitative. They see an attractive woman, and she’s a 10. Her personality likely doesn’t factor into that rating at all.

But the beautiful girl effect is symptomatic of the complaints many women have today about modern dating. They may be treated horribly by a guy, but his physical characteristics don’t really correlate to the brash sense of entitlement and confidence he’s exhibiting. This is why even your most attractive friend may be struggling in the dating pool. We look at beautiful people like they have no issues or problems in life, and to some extent, that may be true. But her boyfriend’s inferiority complex is what’s causing problems for her, not her beauty. 

The science on this is murky, but it does confirm a few things. First, while it was more common to see physical disparities in couples back in the day, we see less of that now due to online dating, where decisions are made purely based on appearance. Our interest in a guy is decided in seconds based on whether or not we think he’s attractive, and after we’ve swiped left, we’ve rejected the possibility that maybe he could be an 8 in a 5 body.

Secondly, a psychological study found that couples where there are disparities in attractiveness were more likely friends for an extended period before their romantic relationship began (i.e., in relationships where the woman is more attractive, she had the opportunity to get to know her mate’s personality and become truly attracted to that, and not just his looks). This really confirms what we know about these types of relationships. She’s with him because she really likes him, even if he isn’t as attractive as she is.

But the dating pool is still lacking, even for objectively gorgeous women. Women are made to bear much of the blame for dating being the way it is these days – they’re too picky, too snobbish, too uninvolved, too unapproachable – but it’s apparent that something is very wrong with the male mindset when even the most objectively attractive women are having a difficult time finding a faithful, loyal person. Many beautiful women are snobbish and picky, to be fair. But there are plenty more who are kind, affable, and want nothing more than to be loved.

The Grass Isn’t Greener, Just Delusional

If a man only dates beautiful women and constantly thinks he can do better with each new relationship, where does it end? Is he ever satisfied, or is it only about leaving a long trail of brokenhearted people in his wake?

There are instances in dating when we know we can and should do better – if someone’s manipulative, unkind, cruel and abusive, for example. But breaking up with a woman who many would say is too good for you because you think you can do better is at the very least narcissistic and at the most mentally unhinged behavior.

The beautiful girl effect is essentially running the risk of applying male logic to female thinking. Men are visual creatures, it’s true, but if they assume they can do better just because they’re dating a beautiful woman, they assume that women are visual creatures as well. As we already know, online dating has changed the way people look at prospective boyfriends and girlfriends, leaving only a few seconds to each person’s mind to make their decision. Based on that logic, if a less attractive man is assuming he can be with a girl who’s even more attractive than the beautiful one he’s already dating, he’s sorely mistaken, and more likely than not, will have ditched her only to find out his odds really weren’t all that good. 

Closing Thoughts

This isn’t about putting unattractive men in their proverbial place, or saying that they don’t deserve to be in relationships with attractive women. It’s about calling out the grandiose, farcical nature of the male mentality – which more often than not, is logical and rational, but can be deceived. Just because an attractive woman believes there’s more to him than just his looks doesn’t mean every other woman will, and he might very well risk the love and adoration of one beautiful woman for the rejection of many others. As with any bias that inflates the ego, incompetence becomes replaced with ill-advised confidence, when what’s really called for is a heaping helping of humble pie.

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