How To Be Less Serious And More Playful

For a woman who is naturally drawn into deeply introspective feelings, existential thoughts, or perhaps views the world with a “glass half empty” perspective, it’s not so uncommon to be told to “lighten up a little bit!”

Have your parents accused you of being moody or mercurial? Have you kicked yourself for letting heavy emotions cloud your relationships? I’ve been there too, feeling so tightly wound that I just couldn’t fathom a simple night out with friends. Why couldn’t I just let my hair down and put my troubles aside?

While the elements of a serious personality can definitely be a net-positive in certain aspects of your life – like that little voice in the back of your head that tells you to stick to your “two drink rule,” makes you choose that side of steamed veggies instead of french fries, or pushes you to finish a project ahead of its deadline – no one wants to be known as a stick in the mud.

You’re not wrong for wanting to think things through before you act or ensure you tied up all loose ends before you clock out for the weekend, but if you’re feeling trapped by your serious personality, there are steps you can take to become more balanced. Let’s begin by embracing a little bit of whimsy every now and then.

1. Make Time for Child-Like Play

Did I pay my credit card bill? Should I be clocking extra hours to advance my career? Am I behind in household chores? As adults, it’s almost too easy to forget that we don’t have to be so serious about everything. Sure, there’s a lot that we need to take seriously, but as the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. It’s time you re-learn how to play with childlike passions.

Researchers believe that animals developed their playful behaviors to gain practice avoiding predators, capturing their prey, or developing hierarchy and social bonds. In nature, you’ll often see Japanese macaques making snowballs or screech owls pouncing on leaves, for example. It’s believed human play evolved for these same types of reasons; children needed to learn skills to survive adulthood and cooperate in hunter-gatherer societies.

If you’ve ever played the computer game Sims before, you know that in order to keep your Sim thriving, you’ve got to maintain his or her “fun meter.” In a sense, we’ve got our own built-in fun meters. Play is necessary to stimulate the growth of your brain cells, release mood-boosting endorphins, and even prevent cognitive atrophy from conditions such as Alzheimer's disease. Additionally, chronically depriving yourself of playtime can lead to feelings of depression and irritability.

We’ve all got unique play profiles, however, and shouldn’t force ourselves into something that isn’t innately fun to us. If you like board games or rule-defined sports, your play profile is ritual play. If you enjoy storytelling, acting, or painting, your play profile is imaginative play. If you feel best dancing to music or hiking the trails, your play profile is body play. You don’t need to buy Legos or Polly Pockets and revert back to childlike ways, but you should try some new, lighthearted activities or hobbies to signal the element of play to your brain.

2. Break Your Rigid Routines

Certain routine-like behaviors aren’t necessarily bad things and can help you be productive, stay organized, and even find a deeper sense of meaning. Furthermore, researchers studying parenting routines have found positive associations between family routines and rituals and feelings of satisfaction. I love a good habit (who am I without making my bed in the morning or indulging in my nighttime skincare routine?), but some routines can be limiting. We build patterns in our day-to-day behaviors to feel safer, but we have to be able to take a step back and realize when we’re limiting ourselves.

Regularly ask yourself why you’re doing something routinely. Is this behavior life-giving, or is it just sustaining you through another day? Could you instead ease up a bit and “go with the flow”? Maintaining healthy habits but allowing for a bit of breathing room in your “routines” can help you tap into a more playful version of yourself. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t value your healthy routines. Rather, you shouldn’t be so strict about your routines or plans to the point that you miss out on the endless, potential fun that may come from a spontaneous experience.

Do you work from home? Take one day out of the week to work at your local library or favorite coffee shop. Do you retire to the couch at night and tuck in with an evening snack while you watch a few episodes of your favorite show? Try going for a walk instead or soaking in a warm bath with a good book.

There are other unique ways you may not immediately think of to break your routine that could help you out of a rut. Try putting together a few new outfit combinations, parting your hair on the other side, or switching up the condiments you pick up while grocery shopping. Intentionally indulge as many of your senses as possible while going about your daily life – take a deep whiff of the lotion you put on after your shower, let your sip of tea linger a bit longer on your tongue, feel the fabric of your bedding between your finger tips, or look at the horizon when you walk instead of the ground.

3. Take Some Time To Pause

As someone who is habitually introspective and found herself self-destructing by overanalyzing every last little detail, I realized that I needed to dedicate specific times of my day to reset. It’s a lot easier to live in the moment and feel less on the defense against stressors when you know there will be a time very soon that you can just unwrap any introspective emotions that could otherwise distract you.

Incorporating regular pauses in your day can take many different forms and happen on your own unique timetable. It may look like morning prayer or meditation, journaling after dinner, doing breathing exercises or a yoga flow before bed, or perhaps even just locking your phone, closing your eyes, and giving your mind five minutes of grace to just exist. Acknowledge that you may have overwhelming thoughts, let them all in, and then let them go.

If you’re wearing far too many proverbial hats at once and feel a bit guilty about taking time alone when you’ve got family members to take care of, you can also get creative with your pauses. For example, sensuality isn’t just a physical act, it’s a way of living and a state of mind. Linger a little bit longer when you hug your boyfriend or husband, listen to his heartbeat, and observe his breathing. You’ll feel more connected to him, and I bet he’ll appreciate the extra love.

4. Tap into That “Silly Goose” Energy

When was the last time you laughed so hard, your abdominal muscles ached as though you just did an intense core session or you couldn’t breathe at all? I wager most adults haven’t laughed themselves into tears in quite some time. But then you observe children, and they’re really just prone to fully emotional amusement.

Children don’t feel the same level of scrutiny or pressure that we as adults feel to present as perfect. They also often don’t think twice about looking silly because the affirmation of strangers matters a lot less to kids than a surge of positive emotions they feel in the moment. You don’t want to lack self-awareness or have no shame at all, but there’s a healthy balance of humility that allows us to feel comfortable laughing at ourselves or coming to terms with not always appearing perfect. 

I don’t mean to beat a dead horse with clichés, but laughter is legitimately such a strong “medicine.” Many health experts tout laughter’s ability to reduce your stress levels, improve circulation, reduce inflammation, and even enhance your immune system. Furthermore, researchers have found that moments of laughter can better our ability to think creatively or more clearly. I’m not a doctor, but I’m taking the liberty of prescribing you to laugh more often.

Embrace the magic of memes and create a group chat just dedicated to sharing some silly memes with your friends or follow more accounts on social media dedicated to humorous content instead of accounts that enslave you in their depressive, 24/7 news cycle.

Maybe a few memes isn’t enough, however. You could also try watching stand-up comedy shows or funny animal videos on YouTube. Really want to up the ante? Force yourself into inevitable nervous laughter by getting out of your comfort zone with some new activities. Allow yourself to fail forward and enjoy the process of being a beginner.

Don’t Waste Your Limited Time Here on Planet Earth

One author who really rocked my world early on in high school was Albert Camus. He championed the concept of absurdism, the philosophical theory that life, in general, is absurd. While some use this concept to say that life has no inherent meaning and make excuses for nihilistic, self-destructive behaviors, you can also apply the concept of absurdity to instead rebel against meaninglessness. Camus said that accepting the absurdity of life isn’t a dead end, it’s meant to “arouse a revolt that can become fruitful.” You can use this newfound sense of freedom to guide your life down a path of creativity.

There are everyday absurdities all around us; bizarre social constructs that we all just comply with and don’t often ask enough questions about. I mean, really, what’s the deal with businessmen wearing long pieces of cloth around their necks? Next time you’re at the beach or lake, take a moment to people-watch and see how people engage in pretty ridiculous behaviors. Don’t use these moments to judge, just use them to remind yourself about the absurdity of it all!

Our time physically on this planet is limited. Worrying is warranted to an extent, but can be unproductive. Money can bring us comfort, but the constant chase can also make us very unhappy. Why waste time being so serious if you only get one life here on earth? We spend about one-third of our lives sleeping (or at least trying to) and an estimated 92 days during the span of a lifetime on the toilet, so you really should make the most out of your conscious time to feel happy and fulfilled. 

Family is truly one of the most important things. No matter how extrinsically fulfilled we may feel after a successful workday or a tasty meal, there’s nothing like the intrinsic sense of worth we get from being surrounded by the people we love. Researchers have confirmed this: Personal relationships make the most difference when determining if someone is happy or not. Not to be morbid, but when you’re on your deathbed, you might not be reflecting on the time spent culling Excel spreadsheets, though those hours certainly provided you with necessary financial support. No, you’ll likely be reflecting on the romantic dinner dates with your man, the exhilarating (and stressful) vacations you took with your family, or the moments spent celebrating at your friend’s weddings, baby showers, or children’s birthday parties.

Closing Thoughts

We often find ourselves working overtime to maintain a persona we’re likely proud to have developed in the first place. Maybe that persona is the girl who knows she can weather any storm and has built up a tough defensive wall. Maybe she fears she’ll break her otherwise cool composure if she gives in to adversity. She’s a woman who values the serious elements of her personality, but those character traits could potentially hold her back from living a truly fulfilled life.

Without a doubt, there are many women out there who could use a little bit more introspection before action or deeper topics of conversation instead of just the latest pop culture crisis. This is a balancing act, but you should let a little bit of play into your life every now and then to keep things fresh, keep yourself healthy, and feel a more honest sense of satisfaction.

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