How To Deal With Judgment Over Getting Engaged Young
Over the past few decades, people have been getting married increasingly later in life. That means if you decide to get engaged young and focus on your future family during early adulthood, you will stand out – and possibly receive some negative reactions and even judgment. But you don’t need to give that narrative power over your relationship.
Young love is a beautiful thing. There is something particularly special and sweet about meeting someone early in your life who you end up spending the rest of it with. For most of history, this was common. But in our modern culture, it’s surprising when someone gets engaged young. As time has passed, the average age of marriage has climbed higher and higher. When you get engaged young, you’re breaking away from this new normal. This will surprise people because they’re not used to seeing young people in formally committed relationships. This leads to a number of reactions – some positive, some neutral, and sadly, some negative.
You need to be confident in your relationship. If you’re going to marry someone, you need to trust them, love them, and value them. If you feel this way, negative reactions and conversations may hurt, but they won’t make you change your mind. After all, you know how much your future husband matters to you, and are positive that this marriage is what you want. If you lack certainty in your decision, you’re going to struggle with these interactions, and that is a major sign that you need to do some serious soul searching about what you actually want.
How To Navigate Hard Conversations
Navigating how to respond to these negative reactions can be tricky. At first, though, we should give these people the benefit of the doubt. It’s entirely possible that they simply aren’t used to seeing relationships like this and are confused. Or, they are trying to be overly protective of you, for fear that you may get emotionally hurt. In these situations, it’s best to simply explain your story and your reasons for getting engaged young. A lot of people, after hearing this, will be receptive, and maybe even change their mind. If this doesn’t work, you have a few options on how to proceed.
When you get married young, you have the opportunity to establish your futures together.
If you feel as if convincing this particular person is important, you can try to defend your choice. If you want to do this, there are a few specific arguments that you may want to touch on. The first defense would be to point out that late marriage is a new phenomenon. For most of human history, women have gotten married young. In general, our current culture has a crisis of prolonged young adulthood. There are many people who never want to move beyond living like a college student. Since this is such a widespread issue, when there are people like you who want to move at a pace that is more normal for human development, you’re the one that seems weird. I suggest, if this is a point you want to bring up, you take a look at your extended family. How old were your parents, and your grandparents, when they got married? How did that impact the outcome of their relationship? Does it seem like getting married later actually has a positive benefit?
The second point I would bring up is how getting married young has many positive benefits, especially if you plan on having children. When you get married young, you have the opportunity to grow together. Many people believe that marriage should happen once you’re established in your career, but if you get married young, you have the opportunity to establish your futures together. This means you’re more likely to have compatible futures. When you have a younger engagement and marriage, you’re able to have children younger, which has several benefits: You’ll have more energy, you’ll be alive for more of their milestones, and you could even have a big family, if that’s what you want.
The last argument that I would make is about the engagement itself. If someone is worried that you’re rushing things, it can be good to remind them that being engaged lasts for a while. For most people, they’re not getting engaged, then going straight to the courthouse. In fact, the average engagement lasts for 16 months. During those months, you will still have time to learn more about your fiancé. In a sense, being engaged is a trial period where you continue to vet your fiancé and make sure that he is the right person for you to begin a family with.
If They Won’t Change Their Mind
There will always be some people, who, no matter what you say, simply will not change their mind. This is not the end of the world. It’s only going to hurt you to be overly invested in the opinions of other people. Nobody knows your relationship as well as you do. At the end of the day, you will be spending your life with your fiancé, not the people with the judgmental opinions.
Your life doesn’t actually peak in your early twenties; many incredible moments and milestones happen later.
Also, there may be underlying reasons that explain their negative feelings which have absolutely nothing to do with your specific relationship. Underlying our culture, there is a dark belief that your life ends when you get married, so you shouldn’t get married until the peak years of your life are over. The thing is – you can establish a good life and enjoy the peak years with the person who you’re spending the rest of your life with beside you. In fact, married millennials reported a higher satisfaction with their lives compared to their single counterparts. Furthermore, does your life actually peak in your early twenties? There are many incredible moments and milestones that happen later in life. This assumption is destroyed immediately by asking your mother or your grandmother what the highlights of her life were. Sure, some may relate to young independence, but do they all? You will quickly find out that, no, they do not.
Often the people who are incredibly hostile toward young marriage are not just hostile toward young marriage, they are hostile toward the entire concept of marriage. This may come from a number of places, including personal trauma and pain. Unfortunately, many marriages do end in divorce, or with issues inside of them, but this is not exclusive to young marriages. Any marriage can have issues, but this is why communication is so critical. But here is another little secret – it is not just marriages that go through these issues. Any romantic relationship does. Honestly, any relationship, romantic or platonic, with another person can end poorly. That doesn’t mean that we should become cynics and give up on love and human connection.
Closing Thoughts
Getting engaged is a serious decision that should not be taken lightly. If you want to get married young, you need to have honest conversations with your fiancé to make sure that you’re both ready. People are ready for big milestones at different points in their lives. For some people, getting married young is ideal, but for other people, it may be best to wait. It all depends on your circumstances, your relationship, and your vision for the future. But if we try to make everyone happy, at the expense of our own happiness, we will never reach our goals.
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