How To Get Your Sex Drive Back When Life Gets In The Way
Low libido or low sex drive is a common problem for many women. With hectic schedules, poor diets, constant stress, and our ever-changing hormones, it's easy to understand how women can lose the desire for sexual intimacy over the years.
Being constantly on the go disconnects you from your body, leading you to miss signs your body is trying to tell you. Sometimes it's trying to tell you to slow down, but you keep on pushing anyway. Other times it's trying to tell you it's peak baby-making time, but life is so busy, you're too exhausted to be intimate with your husband. Continue this over a prolonged period, and it can cause severe health and relationship problems.
What steps can you take to increase your libido so you feel more balanced and sexually satisfied? Here are our top five tips to help you stay strong and in control of your sex life.
1. Exercise
Most of us live hectic lifestyles, and if you're not releasing all that pent-up energy and stress through exercise, it can cause you to feel sluggish, wound up, and uptight.
Whether you enjoy walking, yoga, HIIT classes, or weightlifting, maintaining a consistent exercise routine will help you to combat the daily stresses of life. Exercise also increases blood flow to the genitals, which promotes a healthy sex life. According to one study, just 20 minutes of cycling boosted women's sexual arousal by 169%.
2. Eat a Nutritious Diet
Diet plays a significant part in your libido. Does the food you eat make you feel good and energized, or are you eating the same old boring meals day in, day out?
Avoid foods that cause you to feel bloated, sluggish, or stressed out.
Make sure to eat a healthy, balanced diet and cut down on anything that causes you to feel bloated, sluggish, or stressed out. For example, caffeine and sugar are stimulants that can cause you to crash. This constant high and low effect wreaks havoc on your hormones, which can cause health problems such as adrenal fatigue, high blood pressure, and diabetes.
Include foods that give you energy and stimulate your sex drive — things such as oysters, asparagus, avocado, strawberries, bananas, and dark chocolate are great aphrodisiacs. Alissa Vitti's book, Woman Code: Perfect Your Cycle, Amplify Your Fertility, Supercharge Your Sex Drive, and Become a Power of Source, has excellent tips on which foods to eat to support your cycle and overall health.
3. Understand Your Cycle
The different phases of your cycle have a massive influence on your sex drive.
Your cycle starts with your period, so the first few days you probably won’t be feeling very sexy or energetic.
Your period is inside the first phase of your cycle, the follicular phase. The follicular phase is when your body is ramping up to ovulate and, once your period is over, it begins to produce more estrogen, so you'll start to experience more energy. That means you'll have more energy to go to the gym, to start a new project, and to have sex.
The second phase is the ovulation phase, which is when the body produces a high amount of estrogen and luteinizing hormone to trigger ovulation (they’ll drop once an egg is released from the ovary). The few days leading up to ovulation are peak fertility time and can cause a rise in your libido, so it's a great time to schedule sex with your man.
The luteal phase begins after ovulation and is when your body reduces estrogen and produces progesterone to prepare for a possible pregnancy. Your energy also starts to decline right up until your period, so you may not be as up for it. Read our article here for tips on how to get yourself in the mood when you're just not feeling it.
Finally, your period comes again, so you may want to avoid having sex!
Pre-planning your schedule, diet, and sex life to sync with your cycle can be hugely beneficial.
4. Take Care of Your Mental Health
Depression, anxiety, and chronic stress can lessen your desire and lower your sex drive. According to a study published in American Family Physician, "70 percent of adults facing depression without treatment had problems with libido."
Keeping on top of your emotional and mental health by doing things that make you feel good might just be the thing that reboots your sex drive. But if it feels like life is unbearable, don't be afraid to seek professional advice. It could be a more severe problem that needs medical treatment.
5. Slow Down
Most women take on way too much, and our hectic schedules can quickly turn into stress, which we know impedes your sex drive.
Slow down, connect inwards, and listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
Slow down, don't be afraid to ask for help, and delegate where you can. Can your colleagues take on some of your workload? Can the kids help out with the chores? Can your husband handle the finances, so you're not constantly stressing about bills? Can you catch up on much-needed self-care to help you recharge?
Trying to do everything uses up a lot of mental energy, and it's taxing on the body. Slow down, connect inwards, and listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
Closing Thoughts
Sex is so important and an essential ingredient to a happy marriage. If it feels like you haven't had it in a while, sometimes the easiest thing to do is to just start having sex again. As women, sometimes desire and arousal follow the action.
It doesn't have to be super passionate at first, but when you push yourself to have sex regularly, it can be the kickstart that gets your sex drive going again.