How To Make Friends As A New Mom

When we had our first baby in the spring of 2022, I was definitely unprepared for how big of a lifestyle change I was in for. While I’d spent my entire pregnancy researching things like natural childbirth, baby registry do’s and don’t’s, and how to have a healthy pregnancy, nothing in my research or our culture really clued me in to what was coming – a totally new, totally unique human being who would depend on me for everything. 

Part of the growing pains of the first several months was realizing how my relationships were changing. Quality time with my husband that I used to take for granted had vanished. Friends who I thought wanted to be a big part of this new experience with me were not as involved as I had hoped, and my extended family dynamics were shifting day to day as I entered a new era of being both a daughter and a mother. 

This snapshot of motherhood seems to be a popular one to share online these days – how much we struggle, how abandoned we feel, and how hard it is for us to maintain old friendships or make new ones once we become moms. What I have learned, however, is that that is hardly where the story ends – or at least, it doesn’t have to be. 

After the initial shock of change, if you decide to dive in head first despite any discomfort the newness and very real challenges motherhood brings, a lot of time and energy actually do open up for new friendships. In fact, this first stage of isolation lights a fire under you to find people who can relate to what you’re going through and who want to both share the special moments and ease the daily burdens with you. 

My son is now two, and he and I have more new friends than I could have expected making in my thirties, a decade where many are settled into their long-standing friend groups that, if anything, only seem to shrink with time. While I may not have nearly as much leisure time to linger over coffee and conversation with new or old friends, motherhood has brought me a feeling of blossoming friendships I haven’t experienced since college, or in some ways, maybe ever. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t take any effort. In fact, it might take a lot of effort, and it might take many attempts or avenues to find the friends you’re seeking. You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and see what works for you. If you want to move from being an isolated new mom to having to dial back the friend invites to your toddler’s second birthday party, here are some places to start.

Sign Up for an In-Person Childbirth Class Near You

This is actually something I didn’t do and regret not doing. With all the big purchases and the big price tag of giving birth ahead of me, I opted to use a great online birth course rather than pay to attend an in-person class. What I missed out on with that decision was the opportunity to make mom friends before I even had a baby to take care of. By joining a local class, you’ll meet other moms and families preparing to have a baby around your own due date who are experiencing many of the exact emotions and transitions that you are. I know moms who still get together with friends they met in their childbirth classes, and their kids are toddlers. What a special way to bond, from bump to birth and beyond!

Don’t Be Afraid To Start Online 

There are so many ways to connect with people online these days, and it can be an easy way to start reaching out to other new moms while you’re holding or nursing your little one. An app called Peanut exists entirely to help you find and befriend other pregnant women or moms near you. It functions a lot like a dating app, letting you see what you have in common so you can chat a bit before potentially meeting up in real life. If you follow certain motherhood or parenting influencers on social media, they sometimes offer ways for their followers to connect in person, which can be a nice route to meeting someone because you know you already have some shared interests. 

Or you can take more niche approaches to finding friends online. I started sharing my writing online for the first time as a new mom as a way to both connect with other women and to have something non-baby to think about during my days, and it led me to some long-distance connections with other moms that I can ask questions about anything from sleep regressions to homeschooling. 

Go to the Park. A Lot. 

Find your favorite neighborhood park, ideally one that’s close enough to walk to, and start going there regularly. By visiting a park near where you live rather than always heading out for destination parks, you’ll be more likely to meet moms who live in your own neighborhood, which is often the best kind of friend to have. There’s something special about knowing your neighbors and being able to easily schedule play dates without long car rides or extra hassle. 

Kids are naturally drawn to one another on the playground, which makes it easy to start a conversation with the other moms there. You might start by asking her how old her kids are or what their names are, and move onto things like if they live nearby, if she’s working or stays home, or what their most fun summer plans are to start to get to know one another and potentially form a new friendship.

Take an ECFE Class

Most school districts offer Early Childhood Family Education classes, which are once or twice a week classes for kids who are still too young for preschool. These are a great way to give your week a little structure, give your kid some new experiences, and for you to meet other parents in your area. Most of the moms who join these classes are also looking for other moms to connect with for outings and playdates outside of class, so it can be a great opportunity to invite someone new to check out the zoo or library story hour with you. Even if outside playdates don’t happen, you know you’ll be regularly checking in with the same group of parents, which can feel a lot like being back in school yourself. 

Join a Mom Group

Do a little research to see what other mom groups there are near you. Are there any Facebook groups or resources on Next Door? I joined a MomCo group (formerly known as MOPs) and have truly loved it. We meet every other week for two hours, during which the childcare staff watches our kids, and we take turns bringing dishes for brunch together. Although it can be a lot of effort to get out of the house at a certain time, it’s well worth it to have a couple of hours of just mom time as well as a chance for my son to try separating from me and playing with friends on his own. Joining this group has led to other opportunities for playdates, friendship, and community, with the kind of women who set up meal trains when one mom has a new baby and who offer hand-me-downs when their kids grow out of toys or clothes. 

Keep an Open Mind

Something that’s important to keep in mind as you’re cultivating your new friendships is that you won’t have every single thing in common, and that’s okay. I think as we get older and are more sure of who we are, we can have very specific expectations for what a new friend should be like (and, of course, they should be like us!). In reality, though, you’re going to find that you differ from your new friends on some things, be it whether or not to give your one year old processed sugar, whether you plan to stay home with your babies for two months or 18 years, or whether you love reading classic books or prefer the latest Netflix series. Instead of looking for a perfect friend, appreciate the ways you can come together through the incredibly special and often difficult experiences of motherhood, while also getting to know each other as women beyond the role of mom. 

Put in the Effort

To find and cultivate your new friendships, you’ll have to be willing to say yes to some things that are outside your comfort zone. You may have to be willing to get your house (and yourself) in enough order to invite someone over for a snack and playtime. You might have to be willing to be the first one to offer a helping hand to someone else, even if your schedule feels demanding and full. You may have to be willing to extend another invitation, even when the first few haven’t worked out yet. If you do put in this effort, you’ll soon find yourself blessed with new opportunities for friendship.

Closing Thoughts

While I did go through a period of transition and isolation when we first had a baby, being home with my son has actually led me to more new friends and connections than I see many women my age, who decided not to have kids, making in the workplace. Just like starting college or a new career, moving to a new city, or any new life phase, becoming a mom gives you something in common with a totally new group of strangers who are potential friends, if you’re willing to take the risk of initiating a friendship with them. Although friends and community are not a guarantee for any new mom, other new moms are craving that connection just as much as you are, which makes it more likely that your efforts to reach out will find more than one eager new friend sooner than you think.

Rather than killing your social life, like we so often hear in the media and online, having a kid might actually lead you to friendships and connections you would have totally missed out on if you had chosen not to have kids. With the current rate of childbirth at an all-time low and depression among women at an all-time high, the myth of the lonely modern mother might be one of the lies keeping us from the kind of meaning, friendship, and community we deeply crave as women. 

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