How To Make The First Move (And Make Him Think It Was His Idea)

Let's say you have a guy friend – or maybe he’s a coworker, friend of a friend, or a customer who happens to come into your coffee shop fairly often. Whatever the relationship, you’ve had a number of somewhat flirty interactions. You’re into him, and you’re pretty sure the feeling is mutual. The only problem? He won’t make the first move.

While he has seemed close to asking you out a few times, your relationship has plateaued at the lightly flirty stage, and you wonder if it will progress any further without some action on your part. It’s time to move things along, but you don’t want to be the one to flat-out make the first move. You’d rather leave at least some of the first move magic up to him.

So how do you achieve this? How can you make the first move while making him think it was his idea?

1. Be Totally Sure He’s Single (And At Least Possibly Interested)

This is especially important to do if you aren’t already friends with him. It’s better to make sure before dropping any hints whether or not he’d react well to an invitation to make a move, rather than jumping in without thinking things through first. If you’re sure he’s single, and at least somewhat sure he’s interested, then you can feel confident in proceeding with dropping hints for him to make a move.

2. Make Sure To Smile

The single best way to let someone know you’re open and approachable? Smiling. While this seems like an overly simplistic suggestion, when we have a crush on someone, it’s easy to find ourselves doing everything we can to hide that fact – from averting our gaze if he happens to meet it to becoming extra clumsy and shy around him to flat out ignoring his existence.

Smiling is the simplest way to show him you’d be responsive and positive toward his bids. 

Smiling is the simplest way to show him you’d be responsive and positive toward his bids. Be sure to meet his gaze with a genuine and warm smile the next time you see him to let him know it’s safe to strike up a conversation and possibly flirt with you.

3. Treat Him Differently From How You Treat Others

When you think about every guy you’ve ever known to have a thing for you, what do they all have in common? They treated you differently from the way they treated other girls. His actions toward you didn’t feel run-of-the-mill or phoned in, but instead, unique, distinct, personal. This is how you knew he liked you.

So how do you treat him differently? If he’s a customer of yours, gift him something for free. If he’s a coworker, bring him his favorite coffee when you get back from your break “just because.” If he’s a friend, say something sweet and slightly flirty that you wouldn’t say to just any guy friend (i.e., “You smell really good.”).

4. Laugh at His Jokes

If there’s one thing every single guy wants, it’s to make a girl laugh. While we, of course, like our jokes to be met with a giggle, studies show that guys care quite a bit more about being able to get the girl they like to think he’s funny. If he can’t get a genuine laugh out of you, he’ll be less likely to think it’s wise to pursue you.

Even if his joke is just okay, if you like a guy, one of the best ways to let him know is by showing him you appreciate his sense of humor. Give him a hearty chuckle and maybe even throw him a “You’re so funny!” comment. This will make his day and make him feel like you get him.

5. Compliment Him

We ladies aren’t the only ones who like to receive compliments – to be told we look good in our new dress or that we did a great job putting a work presentation together or that we’re beautiful. Guys need compliments too, and giving him one will set you apart from every other girl, letting him know you’re into him.

If there’s one thing every single guy wants, it’s to make a girl laugh.

The next time you see him and think something positive about him, say it. Tell him his hair looks good, or that he has good taste in music, or he has a nice smile. While keeping things from getting too overtly flirtatious, give him a compliment that will make him stop and smile – and maybe even blush a little.

6. Try Making Physical Contact (If It’s Appropriate)

When we like someone, we want them to brush our hand, let our knees touch, or brush our hair out of our face. And because flirtatious physical contact isn’t something we typically do with someone of the opposite sex without giving it a second thought, any kind of physical touch will catch his attention.

It’s important, though, to only initiate physical contact with him if it would be appropriate to do so (and you know it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable). With this in mind, take the opportunity to make contact when it presents itself: touch his arm as you laugh at something he said; brush something off his shirt or out of his hair; don’t scoot away if your knees happen to touch. Engage with him physically so he might take it upon himself to move things forward and ask you out.

7. Casually Mention a Fun Outing (That Could Also Be a Date)

Is there a cool comedy club around the corner? Or a new bookstore that opened up? How about a Thai restaurant you’ve been meaning to check out? Casually mention some kind of activity you think would make for a good date. (“Did you see those flyers for [insert here]? It looks fun!”)

This is an easy way to plant the seed of going out with you in his mind without having to tell him to ask you out, opening the door for him to finally make a move and propose a date (to something he already knows you’re interested in) without having to guess what you’d even enjoy doing. 

Closing Thoughts

It’s not always easy to get a guy to go ahead and make the first move, but you can drop little hints along the way that let him know pursuing you is a safe bet – all while making him think it was all his idea.

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