How To Romanticize Your Life As A New Mom

Like “self-care” before it, romanticizing can quickly become a game of aesthetics and “simple moments” carefully curated for social media. To tap into its power as a new mom, I've had to go back to basics and dig into the real meaning and mindset behind the romanticizing trend, developing some principles for leaning into moments of joy in my life, even with a young baby.

My daughter is 10 months old now, and I’m happy to say that I’m growing every day in my ability to enjoy life as a young mom with the help of some simple principles:

Adjust Your Expectations

First, I had to be honest with myself: early motherhood is not the season where I’ll be enjoying spontaneous day trips, taking an "everything shower," or even getting the downtime to savor an uninterrupted cup of coffee every day. But that’s not something that has to keep me from romanticizing my life. Romanticizing is all about embracing life as it is, not striving for a dream life you can’t really have. So adjusting my expectations and doing the work to stay present and lean into the little moments of joy is a huge step towards romanticizing my life as a new mom.

Embrace Flexibility

Embracing flexibility may seem very similar to adjusting your expectations, but for me it is more of the moment-to-moment decision to lay down my plans and invest in my current situation, even if it doesn’t look like what I originally wanted.

My daughter doesn’t always “play fair” with my plans. To be fair, she has goals of her own at the moment, which mostly include eating, being changed on time, being held or, alternatively, coasting on the furniture. Often, these goals don’t align exactly with my own. She wants to be carried when I want to sit down and rest, or wants to hold my hands and walk while I want to get something done. But when I embrace flexibility and look at these moments of frustrated plans as opportunities — to snuggle, to wonder at my daughter’s sudden ability to careen around the apartment, to just enjoy her presence — I find much more joy than if I had resisted the moment with grumbling or mental complaining about having to delay my tasks. Laying them, even for a few moments, and entering into a moment of unexpected joy with my daughter goes a long way towards making life seem less humdrum and reacquainting me with the joys of motherhood.

Those tasks and goals will still be there when the baby gets tired or decides she wants to do something else. Alternatively, noticing the nice weather and deciding to take her on a walk instead of finishing the dishes right away is a great way to invite romanticism and presence into my life.

Slow Down

I spent a lot of my daughter’s first 6-8 months of life chafing against her propensity to slow me down. No longer could I whip the apartment into shape in a single afternoon; tasks that I could knock out in an uninterrupted hour or less, like scrubbing the pile of dishes in the sink (our current apartment is not graced with a dishwasher) or folding laundry, now get spread out across the day in between more pressing tasks like feeding, changing, and playing. I tried waiting until her naptimes and then hammering my tasks out in a whirlwind like I used to, but that approach left me exhausted, watching the clock, and resentful when I didn’t end up getting to more romantic tasks like reading a novel or working on my bullet journal. 

Now, I try to spread my homemaking tasks out throughout the day. I still sometimes work on them during naptimes, but now I recognize that tackling these tasks in 10-15 minute intervals while my daughter is busy snacking or coasting on furniture or otherwise enjoying herself does meaningfully contribute to getting the chores done, even if it takes me an entire day instead of an hour. Taking my tasks at a more leisurely pace allows me to be present for my daughter, and myself, rather than rushing to get everything done as fast as possible and ignoring her or spacing out. 

Use Margins Well

When I’m not using my daughter’s naptimes to knock out the chores in a crazed whirlwind, I often find myself slouched on the couch, doomscrolling those precious minutes away. It may look like “rest,” but I literally cannot think of an activity that is less restful or romantic than frying my brain on cheap dopamine and bad memes. 

Instead, I’ve been pushing myself recently to use naptime to read a novel, sit out on the porch for a few minutes of fresh air, or savor a snack. I’ve noticed a huge difference in how flustered or resentful I feel when I use at least part of my daughter’s naptime to slow down and take care of myself, versus running around doing chores or scrolling on my phone. Taking this time and filling my cup allows me to enjoy my baby and my motherhood more than if I’d bustled around like the perfect little housewife.

Bring Baby Along

Babies are surprisingly portable, easy, and fun to bring along on romantic activities. You don’t even need a stroller; I wore my daughter frequently for the first six months of her life using a Boba wrap, including on plenty of walks, and now that she’s older and doesn’t enjoy the confines of the wrap so much, I frequently carry her in my arms. She gets to stare at the trees and the cars and I get to get out of the house and enjoy some sunshine and a mental reset. I’ve also taken my daughter thrifting and antique shopping, to an adorable Italian gelato shop, to the local record store, and plenty of other places that would make any list of things to do when romanticizing your life.

Not only does taking my baby along free me to do activities that enrich my life and find romance in the everyday, but it’s also enriching for my baby. My daughter is sociable and often less fussy when we are out and about seeing new things and new people than she is when she’s cooped up at home all day. 

Final Thoughts

A lot of these principles have been about romanticizing my life in spite of motherhood, not letting my new status as a mom hold me back from doing things to fill my own cup and live my own life. But that perspective isn’t complete without recognizing the beauty and romanticism of motherhood itself, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t address that here as well. My daughter is a sweet, loveable, adorable little human being, and I get the enormous privilege and joy of being her mom and enjoying every square inch of squishable baby while I can. 

It can be easy to fall into the trap of resenting motherhood, and even resenting my baby, especially when our culture does so much to make motherhood look miserable. But it doesn’t have to be. A lot of it is about mindset, as many of the ideas I’ve shared have been, and mindset is so important to enjoying and romanticizing my life. But I also love to do little things like dressing my daughter up in pretty outfits, playing with her and helping her walk around the house, babbling to her and just enjoying her company. Yes, that often means putting down my novel, or the dishes, or some other task that I feel like I should be doing, but the moments gained with her are more precious than any of those things.

Romanticizing your life doesn’t have to mean taking hour-long baths or reading novels in the park while the dishes pile up in the sink (as much as we would like it to!) As a young mom, I’ve found it helpful to adjust my mindset and lean into even the tiniest moments of romance, even when they don’t look like everybody else’s social media feed.

Adjusting my expectations, embracing flexibility, slowing down, making good use of the alone time I do get, and learning to enjoy my baby go a long way to making my life feel a little more romantic, even in the thick of new motherhood.