How To Tell The Difference Between A Bad Boy And An Alpha Male

A few things come to mind when we imagine our ideal guy. He’s strong, assertive, capable, driven, masculine, powerful, dependable, and self-assured. He knows what he wants and how to get things done. He’s not afraid of thinking for himself and isn’t overly concerned with pleasing everyone. He’s what many might refer to as an “alpha male.”

But it’s when this term is introduced that many women start to get confused. Isn’t an “alpha” kind of the same thing as a “bad boy”? A leather jacket-wearing, cigarette-wielding, smolder-bearing Jess Mariano type of guy, who couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about him and has a certain irresistible, magnetic charm?

There’s certainly some overlap with the “alpha” and “bad boy” types. They’re both confident, intriguing, and masculine. But when we start to think of these types as one and the same, a huge problem begins to arise: Women end up allowing bad, even toxic, behavior from the man they’re dating because they think it makes him an “alpha.” They misunderstand the difference between being a cool, confident guy, and being an aloof, brooding one. They wrongly believe that if a guy is confidently rude, he must be an alpha.

So what exactly are the differences between a “bad boy” and an “alpha male”?

How To Tell If He’s a Bad Boy

There’s no denying it, bad boys have a particular hold on women. We’re drawn to their element of danger, wondering if we can be the only person who can tame it. We enjoy their unpredictability and what comes with being in their inner circle. We can’t get enough of the dance, the breadcrumbs of affection and attention he leaves.

It’s understandable to confuse a guy’s self-assurance, swagger, and charm with him being an “alpha” male. After all, the alpha archetype possesses these qualities. But the bad boy’s behavior is ultimately selfish, thoughtless, and unhealthy.

He won’t care how he affected you by not texting you back, or if you’d assumed he meant it when he said he wanted to see you again, or that you’re confused by his hot-and-cold approach to the relationship. His main concern is with getting his needs met. His supposed strength is really just rudeness; his swagger is just carelessness; his interest is self-serving and fleeting; his masculinity is toxic.

The bad boy’s supposed strength is really just rudeness; his swagger is just carelessness.

How To Tell If He’s an Alpha Male

The term “alpha male” gets thrown around quite a bit. And because, far too often, it’s used in reference to toxic, bad-boy behavior, many of us have started to merge the two archetypes in our minds. But in reality, the “alpha male” type, in its best sense, couldn’t be more different than the “bad boy” type. Being an “alpha” isn’t about being overly blunt, talking back, or treating everyone as if they’re of lower status. No, those are bad-boy antics.

When we talk about an “alpha male,” we’re referring to a man who’s successful, intelligent, respectable, masculine, and strong in every sense of the word. He’s a man who uses his power and influence for good, to protect and uplift. He’s willing to take on responsibility, work for his accomplishments, and interact with his nature healthily.

He’s cool, definitely – but he’s cool because he doesn’t concern himself with judgment from people who don’t know him. He’s charming, for sure – but he’s charming because he’s got a good sense of humor and doesn’t take himself too seriously. He’s driven, absolutely – but he’s driven to achieve something good and meaningful, rather than to serve his base desires. He’s confident, yes – but he’s confident not because he believes himself to be inherently wonderful, but because he knows he’s actually done the work of becoming a strong, respectable man. He’s assertive, wonderfully so – but he’s assertive because he lives by a set of standards and values that he believes to be good and true.

Closing Thoughts

It’s not totally surprising to see alpha behavior get confused with bad-boy behavior. If you aren’t looking too closely, there seems to be some overlap. But the real difference lies in the fact that bad boys exhibit an unhealthy, immature, toxic version of masculinity, whereas alphas exhibit a mature, noble, healthy masculinity. 

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