I Got Married And Discovered All The Ways Culture Lied To Me About Marriage

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve probably picked up on the not-so-subtle narrative that marriage is vibe-killing, social life-ending, and, at the very least, majorly old school (and not in the cool way). Why get married when you can just date whoever you want? Or ride the corporate wave by choice until your mid-30s, then start thinking about marriage? As a bit of a self-proclaimed marriage expert myself, allow me to debunk.

A Relationship Unlike Any Other

A marriage is unlike any other relationship, and you just can’t fully grasp that until you’re in one. The closest thing I can compare it to is your immediate family, but even then, there’s still a glaring difference: Your family is biologically stuck with you. They couldn’t get rid of you if they tried. One second, you’re having a knock-down, drag-out fight with your sister, and the next, you’re on a spontaneous Starbucks run, belting an Adele duet, because that’s just how it works. 

Marriage is the only long-term relationship where you can be fully yourself, flaws and all, and still have complete peace and assurance that your spouse will never just walk away (assuming you both agree divorce is off the table). And they say marriage isn’t romantic! To me there’s nothing more romantic than knowing I can pull up with wet hair, sweats, and my jokes that rarely land, and know my husband isn’t going anywhere. It’s a deeper level of commitment than any other type of relationship, which culture labels as confining, but really, it breeds feelings of security and contentment that you just can’t experience elsewhere. In all my friendships, I’ve never experienced a bond like the one my husband and I have built simply by being married. If you’re looking to experience unconditional, covenant love, 10/10 recommend! 

“mArRiAgE iS hArD”

Now, I’m not coming for your neck if you’ve said this, but I will say that I’ve read a horrifying amount of Instagram anniversary captions that start with something similar. While there can certainly be difficulties within marriage, like with anything else in life, the majority of it really is a blast, and I think all the marriage fear-mongering has gotten a little out of hand (@ the man at the post office who said, “Don’t do it!” after seeing I was mailing wedding invitations). 

After all the negative marriage comments I’d seen, I was happy to find that hanging out with someone you love and are obsessed with 24/7 really is just as great as it sounds. I’ve found marriage deeply fun and fulfilling, and I know, I know, it’s only been a little while. But I believe it will stay this way because we’re both determined to have a marriage that not only lasts but is enjoyable. I love couples who make encouraging content that shows the beauty of marriage, rather than constantly dwelling on the difficulties. These are some of my favorite married couples with positive content to follow:

The reality is that life can be hard regardless of your relationship status, but if you marry someone with equally high character, you get to lean on each other when times are tough. Culture likes to say marriage is restrictive and outdated, but they’ve got it wrong. Don’t let me fool you, we definitely spend a healthy dose of time disagreeing over whether to pick up Taco Bell or Whataburger, but overall, gaining a constant, permanent best friend is such a worthwhile and joy-filled experience. 

Domestic Lifestyle Diaries

*Cracks knuckles* In the words of 20th-century scholar Lizzo, “I’ve been waiting for this one!” As I near my first marriage milestone, I haven’t been anything but pleasantly surprised by the transition from the lifestyle of a single gal to that of a Married Woman. Since getting married, we’ve both purchased Kindles, planted a garden, refined our cooking skills, picked up pickleball, and become wizards on the espresso machine. There’s something about that domestic life that is just *chef’s kiss.* 

As a former rabid extrovert, I know that even the most outgoing girlies can relate to the yearning for a softer, slower paced life. It’s trendy to want one, actually, but what you won’t see on your For You Page is that marriage is the perfect formula for one. And if you happen to be a homebody with a streak of extrovert like I currently am, then marriage truly is the best of both worlds. You can stay in more, with less of the loneliness, but you also always have someone to hang out with. I used to run all over the place after work and on the weekends to hobbies and commitments, all while trying to fit in a meal or load of laundry here or there. Marriage has drastically slowed my pace of life. When there’s something so fulfilling as having a brand new little family to foster, you don’t feel the need to overfill your plate and schedule as much.

Gaining an Entire Second Family

Why does nobody talk about this?! In most cases, family is the best! And getting married literally doubles it. More holiday traditions, more family recipes, more support system. Gaining another family has been one of the sweetest parts of marriage, and nobody ever talks about that! 

Complementing Each Other

I am loving trying all the hobbies my husband is into and introducing him to mine. He’s teaching me how to golf, grill, and not despise March Madness. I’m introducing him to skincare, long walks, and Farmer Wants a Wife. I listen to Toby Keith for him. He listens to The Spillover for me. And hobbies and interests aside, it’s incredible to be able to embrace the chores I enjoy, such as meal prepping, cooking, and making sure our interior decor doesn’t consist solely of deer heads, and pass off the yard work, bills, and taking out the trash to him. Men and women are different, but so complementary. 

Closing Thoughts

Disclaimer: Don’t take this as “get married to the first Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes along!” I understand that most people don’t meet someone they deem marriage material as soon as they decide they’re ready to get married. Take it from me that waiting for someone of high character is so worth it. Marriage probably wouldn’t be so great if my husband weren’t so great. Consider this encouragement that marriage is worth striving for! I like Andy Stanley’s advice to “become the person the person you’re looking for is looking for” while waiting to meet someone. And take the “marriage is outdated” narrative with a grain of salt! My husband is the best part of my day, and when life happens, I’m even more thankful that I have him to lean on.

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