I’m A Hot Mom, And I’m Tired Of Being Mom-Shamed About It

It all started in the surgeon’s office. I stood there, topless and weary, looking in a mirror at myself as he examined my now lifeless breasts. I remember that once upon a time, I used to love them so much. Before I had kids, I used to sneak a glance at them in the mirror as I was changing into a dress to go somewhere and feel so proud of them. A former shadow of what they once were, I now felt something totally foreign, dissecting them like this in front of strangers: total embarrassment.

“Well, they have lost volume and sagged some, which is natural with breastfeeding and pregnancies. I think the best course of action is a lift and maybe small implants, or none at all,” he said.

“But I don’t want a lift,” I barked back. I elaborated more, “I just don’t want those scars, and I think if you just put a bigger implant in me, they will look like they did before and lift naturally. Here,” and I pulled up a picture of my breasts to show him their former pre-baby glory.

“Okay, Laura, I get it, but, you’re a mom now… You can’t look like that anymore, nor do you want to. I think we need to be more realistic and modest here. How many kids do you have again? Four? That’s a lot.”

My throat sank into my stomach, and I felt that common emotion we all feel as moms: shame. Why did I feel so ashamed? Was he right? Was I not allowed to have nice boobs anymore? Would I ever feel confident in my body again? Or would I just have to deal with the damage that two twin pregnancies did to my body and surrender to “being realistic and a mom now?”

The problem was this surgeon was my second consultation in a week who had the same feedback for me. My husband sat there in the corner of the office, looking defeated and frustrated as well.

On the car ride home, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had shown up to these surgeons’ offices not a mom. Would they have treated me the same way? What if, like so many women today, I had shown up as me, but 36 years old with no kids, and had asked for a standard boob job? Would they have called me unrealistic then and told me I need to consider modesty and list the number of kids I have, like a sentence being served to me? I doubted it.

I started thinking about how much my identity as a woman has changed since becoming a mother. Visits like this to the surgeon's office gave me the familiar feeling of being “discarded” by society in some way because I’m no longer the available, childless woman I once was. It was as if becoming a mother and having a wonderful husband meant I was tainted now. That’s certainly how it felt to me since I entered the club of motherhood just two years ago. If a man hits on me now, I just tell him I have four kids and he runs away. Telling them you’re married doesn’t matter. They don’t care about that, but telling them you’re a mom, and a mom of a lot of kids, well, that works every time! They get this look of terror on their face, and it’s honestly quite hilarious. I’m now a mother of several kids, so am I not allowed to be sexy anymore? If it’s really that repulsive to some men, is it that repulsive to everyone else? What happened to MILFs!? One of the most famous movies, American Pie (1999), coined Stifler’s Mom as the hottest MILF around! Is this not allowed anymore in our current climate of 2024?

It seemed to me that there were rules some moms could break to be sexy, and others, like myself, could not. I thought about the hottest moms I know today. I thought of Jess Ves and Emily Ratajkowski immediately. These two both had something in common I could identify right away. They were both single, and both only had one child. Jess Ves from Love Is Blind is the ultimate hot mom, with killer big boobs, might I add! She openly admits she had breast implants and how they helped her confidence after having her child. I showed her photos to many of the surgeons in my consults as inspiration, and this was around the time they would roll their eyes at me and tell me I had to “be more realistic.” Why was she allowed to flaunt her boobs in a bikini on Instagram and be called hot? We are both mothers; the difference between us is that I have more kids and I’m not single. Was that the real issue? Maybe it was time to explore this second piece of the puzzle more deeply.

As a professional matchmaker and dating coach, maybe the real issue was right under my nose the whole time. I am happily in love and praise my husband, and maybe that’s why people react so violently when I still want to be hot and in my “MILF Era.” If I went into these surgeon consults alone and said, “I’m divorced, and I need to look hot again,” I can bet anything they would treat me differently and give me exactly what I wanted. It definitely feels to me that, as a woman today, we are only allowed to be hot and prioritize looking hot if we’re single and ready to mingle with strangers. What happened to pleasing your husband and maintaining a happy marriage and sex life? 

Since falling in love, having two sets of twins in two years, and becoming a mom of four almost overnight, people have reacted in strange ways to my family and me: “That’s so many kids, are you guys okay?” “You’re done for sure now, right?”

When we respond that we may have more, they look like they may faint. We are a traditional family and think children are beautiful; however, in 2024, we seem to be going against the grain. 

Many dating experts say the best asset a man can have is the woman he’s with. In simpler terms: If a man is with a beautiful woman, then that is his greatest asset in life. My husband was attracted to me initially for how I looked. As a top matchmaker, I know men are visual. They fall for your looks first, and then what’s inside. Maintaining attraction between husband and wife is extremely important. It wouldn’t be okay if my husband just “let himself go,” so why does society push mothers to essentially “give up” on our appearance? I do a lot to take care of myself to feel and look attractive for my husband and bolster my inner confidence on a daily basis. We all know makeup, clothing, and staying in shape are time consuming and expensive, but these things are vitally important to me. What is it about mothers prioritizing self-care that bothers people so much?

I happen to know for a fact that Evie Magazine founder Brittany Martinez is one hot mama herself! She has graced many covers of top magazines and modeled for countless huge brands. She, like myself, also raves about being in love with her husband and children, and many of her tweets on X have gone viral for the amount of hate they have gotten just for the fact that she, God forbid, expresses her happiness with being a mother and being wildly in love.

That, combined with her being stunning, is enough to throw people over the edge into a jealous rage. This leads me to my final conclusion: Maybe we are allowed to be MILFs and be hot, and people are just triggered, the same way they’re triggered about trad wives. It’s a lifestyle that goes against the grain.

The transition into motherhood is hard enough. I never thought in a million years that I would be persuaded by anyone to throw away my old identity of being attractive and confident in my own skin. Just because certain people have a problem with it doesn’t mean I’m going to, and neither should you. If you’re a mom reading this, I give you permission to reclaim your MILF status with me!

P.S. In the end, I got my dream boobs back just last week and they are amazing. I found a fantastic surgeon who didn’t shame me and shared my vision and goals. I have renewed confidence in my body and am feeling unstoppable these days. Maybe it’s time to try for more kids? ;)

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