I Stopped Looking At My Reflection For 40 Days: Here’s What Happened

I grew up always being told how beautiful I was by family and friends, yet rarely receiving the attention I wanted from boys, and obsessively comparing myself to other girls. I could look at myself in a mirror and objectively determine that I was “pretty”, but I was still plagued by nagging insecurities and constant questions of whether I was actually beautiful. Just before graduating college, I realized that my low self confidence was manifesting as an addiction to looking at myself in any and every reflective surface. I found myself caught in this narcissistic behavior in an attempt to reassure myself of my worth when I felt like I had none.

Anytime I would interact with a man I was attracted to, a girl I compared myself to, or someone who’s approval I wanted, I needed to check my reflection as soon as possible to confirm whether or not the girl they saw measured up. Although this habit would often result in picking myself apart because I didn’t like what I saw, the problem wasn’t just self criticism. There were plenty of days where I did like how I looked, but the real danger was my reliance on outside validation to tell me how I should feel about myself. In sharing this realization with friends, I learned that a lot of women have developed this same habit to cope with poor self image. Maybe you can relate… in the moment, looking at your own pretty face or figure can boost your confidence, but relying on a mirror as your main source of validation can lead to an incessant need for this validation, and ultimately stop you from developing true confidence. I stopped looking at my reflection for 40 days and I learned just how much this behavior had been hurting me.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall…

I wanted to be more than just validated. It was time to stop allowing my reflection to bounce me between confidence and insecurity. I wanted to feel sure of the beauty I was created with, without asking for permission to believe it was there. For these reasons, I chose to break my habit and committed to not looking at my reflection unnecessarily for 40 days. This meant no glancing at myself in windows, no flipping down my car mirror when arriving somewhere, no running to the bathroom to make sure I looked okay, no using my phone screen to see my reflection.

I wanted to feel sure of the beauty I was created with, without asking for permission to believe it was there.

Taking care of my appearance was still important to me, and I’m not suggesting that anyone should neglect it, but anything other than using the mirror to get ready for the day was off limits. And just like any habit, this was a hard one to break! It was especially difficult in moments when I was falling into comparison or feeling insecure. It was then that I saw my “mirror, mirror” habit for what it really was: I thought that compulsively checking my reflection would boost my confidence, but it had actually been stripping it away, glance by glance. While I’m still growing and learning how to overcome my insecurities, my 40 day mirror fast transformed my understanding of my own beauty and what it actually means to be confident in it.

Beauty vs Vanity

Looking in the mirror obsessively doesn’t make you prettier, it just makes you rely on outside validation. One lesson that I learned during this experience was the difference between beauty and vanity. Beauty is what we all want, but vanity is what so many of us focus on. And by vanity, I don’t mean putting effort into your appearance or enjoying looking your best. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I would argue that beauty is objective because it has to do with actual qualities. On the other hand, vanity is only rooted in how you feel. As women, we all possess our own unique qualities of beauty, but instead of owning that truth and letting ourselves be secure in it, we tend to let vanity convince us that our beauty is up for debate. I found that this mindset will always have you swaying back and forth between feeling good and feeling empty and worthless. We all want to look and feel beautiful, and while insecurity might not make you look ugly, confidence is one of the most beautiful things a woman can wear!

Confidence vs Validation

And speaking of confidence, truly confident women don’t need constant validation from a mirror (or anyone else). Lots of us look for confirmation of our beauty in compliments from peers or in male attention, and I found out that the mirror is no different. If someone compliments you, or if you catch yourself looking fine, that’s great! Receiving compliments with grace is an important skill to have, but the way you feel about yourself should come from within. Breaking your reliance on outside validation will actually give you the freedom to start building unshakeable confidence. A truly confident woman wakes up in the morning knowing she is beautiful without having to ask if she is, and can focus on living life instead of searching for the answer to that question. 

Your Eyes vs Their Eyes

Not looking at my reflection for 40 days made me more secure in my own beauty, and transformed my ability to see myself through my own eyes, rather than everyone else’s. Another reason we can become attached to the mirror is because it’s like a window into how other people see us… or so we think. Before my mirror fast, I noticed that I would check my reflection immediately after interacting with someone whose approval I wanted. I thought that I would be able to see what they saw, and maybe get a sense of whether or not I made the right impression. First off, there’s no magic mirror that will ever be able to tell you how people see you! But more importantly, it’s incredibly valuable to find out how you see yourself. What do you like about yourself? How do you think you can change and grow? Forming your own opinion of yourself, rather than imagining what other people’s opinions are, is a huge step towards improving your flaws, being at peace, and becoming the best version of yourself.

Conclusion

Not looking at my reflection for 40 days was challenging (and humbling because I was hardly perfect at it), but it was so worth it! I’m not here to say that we should care less about how we look. One of the best parts about being a woman is embracing your beauty and looking your best! But if you find yourself relying on a mirror (or anything else) to tell you how lovely you are, I want to challenge you to see what happens when you step away from that outside source of validation. Let your feminine beauty and the effort that you put into it speak for itself!