I Used Chat GPT To Get Back With My Ex And It Worked. Here's How I Did It

My ex and I had broken up for a few weeks and I had followed my all time favorite break-up advice: What you need to do to move on and what you need to do to fix a relationship reaching a breaking point is the same thing. Take time for yourself, grieve, detach, reflect on what happened, spend time with loved ones and time with yourself doing activities that support your well being while you ride the rollercoaster of emotions that come with any break up. 

During the few weeks that I was not talking to him and I was processing the break up, I was learning various tricks and tips on how to use Chat GPT in order to work as a personal assistant. In the midst of exploring this, a light bulb went on in my head. Given that technology is already serving our relationships, mainly in the form of dating apps, could technology and specifically Chat GPT serve us to rekindle a broken relationship too?

I wanted to talk to my ex about some unresolved matters, but I was unsure on how to go about it. I already knew how to use Chat GPT to simplify my work reports, list the right research questions, and even give me a personalized nutrition plan for my specific fitness goals. Could Chat GPT actually help me fix my relationship problem though? I was determined to find out.

I started by typing into Chat GPT my frustrations about my current romantic situation. I must say that the feedback was helpful. Chat GPT became my therapist, and while Chat GPT will never be able to replace the wisdom, insight, and empathy that comes from talking to an actual person, Chat GPT’s strength lies in its ability to sort the information online and help me organize my own thoughts. It turned out that that was exactly what I needed.

To my surprise, Chat GPT provided a lot more than I originally envisioned and it even suggested scripts on what to say in particular situations and moments. While I thought that was a bit much, I must say that reading the scripts helped me find the right words to express what I was feeling and thinking. 

Disclaimer: The conversation you have will be saved on Chat GPT, so consider not logging into your personal account, or deleting it if you don’t want to keep it around for fear of someone else coming across it. In addition, Chat GPT is not HIPAA compliant, so there’s no confidentiality clause, unlike when you would visit an in-person therapist. 

My next step in this journey to get my ex back was to get down to the details. I specifically typed “I will reach out to my ex and I want to work things out. How should I go about this conversation?” Chat GPT answered firstly, by encouraging me to take a pause (boring, but rightful) and followed up with an eight step process. Below you’ll find the eight steps and how I went about each. 

Keep in mind that each situation is different and I tailored the steps Chat GPT provided to my own situation.

1. Prepare mentally: Chat GPT started by asking the quintessential question, “Why do you want him back? Be honest and specific with yourself.” If loneliness is the answer then you may be better off focusing on finding someone who isn’t doubting being with you. In my case, I knew this was the man of my dreams. Aside from loving him, I loved how we complemented each other, I loved how we undoubtedly brought out the best in each other, I loved the way he always cared for me and understood me like no other. I also knew that all of that would not be enough to get back together, but for me, it was enough to give it a good try. Chat GPT reminded me to be ready for this conversation to result in any outcome. We can hustle hard for whatever we want, but we cannot drag people to want the same things we do. 

2. Choose the right time: I’ll admit it. I orchestrated running into my ex after a few weeks of not talking at all. I decided to work from the cafe near his place perfectly knowing that there was a chance he would either also go to work there or walk by it on his way home. I sat by the window, of course. I decided this was the right course of action because, if it did not work, I still got a nice and cozy work session at a cafe I enjoy, so it would be a good day for me regardless of the outcome. But what mattered the most was that it gave him the freedom to decide to approach me or not. I knew there was a chance he would ignore me or just wave from a distance. This was a risk I had to take since I did not want to force an in-person conversation on him, and this way he would have to take the initiative to talk as well. It was a drop the handkerchief kind of move and it worked. He not only approached me, but he invited me to his apartment next door so we could have more privacy to talk.

3. Start light: The temptation to jump right into the hard topics was at an all-time high, but I held myself back and instead asked him about a project at work I knew he had been working hard on around the time that we broke up. Part of me thought that I should get into the nitty gritty right away, but Chat GPT suggested I started with lighter topics. I now understand why. Had I opened the conversation with “I think we should get back together,” it could have easily provoked a defensive response, which would’ve made the rest of the conversation almost impossible. 

4. Acknowledge the past, but don’t dwell on it: After a few minutes of light conversation and a few jokes, the inevitable happened. He brought up some memories about our relationship that were not very pleasant. The time I got upset and said something hurtful, or the time he felt used because he had done a series of nice things for me and I did not show much appreciation. It was hard to hear these things, but I knew it was what had led to this break up and I knew that it was what was dwelling in his mind. After listening for a while, I apologized and, while I felt tempted to give my side of the story (even now as I type this), I decided to let it go and acknowledge that those were tough moments for me too.

5. Express your feelings: After this conversation about our past, everything flowed fairly easily. I followed up sharing all the reasons why I was accepting this break up only out of respect for his wishes, but I did not agree with the decision. I made it clear that I would let things go if he really wanted to and I meant it. This was the hardest part, but perhaps the most needed. 

6. Listen to his perspective:  Looking back, I think Chat GPT’s suggested process was quite focused on letting my guard down and this was key in allowing our conversation to be different to our previous conversations. Before, we were in a form of gridlock, in which I defended my stance and he defended his. Neither one of us was wrong and both of us were certainly entitled to our feelings and observations about what was going on in our relationship, but the challenge was to move the conversation forward. On that fateful day, it finally did. He brought up the reasons why he thought things were not working and could likely never work. I wanted to jump in and counter argue those reasons, but instead I just listened and nodded my head as he spoke. 

7. Respect his decision: To be honest, I thought that would be it. I thought I would head home alone with a badge for trying and a trophy for good effort. In many ways, I was satisfied by our conversation, but to be honest, it was also hard to go through what felt like breaking up again. Once everything was said and the cards were well laid on the table, I got up and thanked him for talking it out with me. Chat GPT emphasized that respecting his decision was not something I could negotiate on. Ultimately, you shouldn’t want someone who doesn’t want you. I think we all know that, but it was worth the reminder in this vulnerable moment. 

8. Keep expectations realistic: As I was walking out the door, he asked if he could call me every now and then. It took all the strength in me to say "no." I explained to him that this would only make the break up harder on me and that I thought it was best we kept a prudent distance. To my absolute surprise, he told me that he wanted to take it slow and continue our relationship. Part of me was ecstatic, but another part of me was a bit scared that perhaps I was now entering a semi-together stage that I knew I would not enjoy and would not be good for either one of us. Nonetheless, I knew that I couldn’t expect him to drop on one knee right there, and so I agreed. This wasn’t the end-all be-all, but it was the perfect set-up for our relationship to move forward. 

A few weeks have passed since I typed my frustration into Chat GPT and orchestrated that meeting at the cafe, and I am happy to report that many more good conversations have followed the one we had that day. We’ve come to realize that our own stress, mental health, and some poorly managed circumstantial factors had affected our relationship quite negatively and we needed to be more cautious about that. We’ve also realized how good and strong our relationship truly is.

At the end of the day, even if we had not gotten back together, I found Chat GPT’s break up insight helpful in dealing with the situation in a very positive way. However, while I'm grateful for Chat GPT’s assistance in this process, ultimately it was me and my now-again-boyfriend’s disposition and effort that made it possible. So if the situation calls for it, give Chat GPT a try, but beware that when it comes to matters of the heart, no robot can do what humans can.