I Was 16 And Pregnant—And Had No Idea What Came Next

I didn’t know what open adoption was, much less that I would become a public speaker and advocate on the subject. I didn’t know that just two years later, I would meet the love of my life and experience a second unexpected pregnancy. I didn’t know that pregnancy would lead to marriage with my second child’s father and that 18 years later, everything would have worked out.

I didn’t know anything except that I was terrified. 

Like most 16-year-olds, I had barely contemplated the colleges I might attend, or what I would wear to prom. I looked down the long vista of years and saw nothing but dread and bleak outcomes. Whether I aborted my daughter, chose to parent, or placed her for adoption, I thought that there was no path where I would emerge unscathed. 

I could not have been more wrong. 

Most women who face unexpected or unwanted pregnancies feel as I felt. This massive, physical change seems to threaten every hope and dream a young girl has for her life. Without support, this fear–and external pressures–often induces girls to choose abortions they don’t want, and certainly don’t need.

Thankfully, though my birth daughter’s father and others in my life pressured me to choose abortion, my family and church community were unfailingly supportive and attuned to my needs. This empathetic response was a powerful reassurance that I did not need a panic-driven abortion. It enabled me to calmly navigate my options and ultimately discover and learn more about open adoptions. 

Open adoption allowed me to give my daughter a stable, two-parent home that I could not offer her. After connecting with other birth moms who helped me navigate this uncharted territory, I was able to find peace and reassurance in placing my daughter Kaylee in a loving family who has showered me with kindness and kept the door open for me ever since. 

However, the end was not yet in sight.

Two years later, I was a freshman at Appalachian State when my then-boyfriend and I discovered I was pregnant. This time was even harder. Compounding shame and uncertainty, I had to grapple with family members and friends judging me for ‘allowing such a thing to happen again.’ These reactions prompted me to seek external help, and I ultimately stumbled upon Lois’ Lodge Maternity home in North Carolina. 

My boyfriend and I moved to Charlotte, North Carolina– myself to the maternity home, and he went to live with his parents nearby.  We were overcome by the support that the staff showered on us. The staff and local community loved us in so many ways, from small things like providing us delicious meals and pampering days, to bigger things like mentoring us, teaching cooking and cleaning, budgeting basics, and other necessary adult life skills. 

We were connected to a local pregnancy center for breastfeeding classes, as well as labor and delivery support. The women at the home also helped connect me to an incredible job, as well as a network of exceptional doctors. 

When my second daughter was 6 months old, I enrolled in UNC Charlotte, where I’d ultimately finish achieving my bachelor's degree.  

It was slightly isolating to attend classes, meals, and social events with a ring on my finger, and a baby and husband awaiting me at home. My classmates simply could not relate. Yet rather than dwelling on our differences, I allowed this time to strengthen me. I became a better student with more incentive to focus on my studies and also became more efficient at completing my work with less time on my hands than my peers. 

As I navigated this process, the impossible slowly became a reality as barriers tumbled down. For example, I quickly learned that as a parent with a dependent, my college tuition was practically free. I was able to graduate without debt and continued building a family and a life with my husband. Our family today includes 5 beautiful children aged 18 to 8, in addition to 21-year-old Kaylee, who visits us regularly to this day.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to help other young women and families by working as a freelance writer and adoption educator. My own difficult journey has enabled me to uniquely understand other women’s fears and pressures as they navigate choosing life, and adoption or parenting. 

It’s allowed me to speak truth to these fears, and to encourage these women that though choosing parenting or adoption is difficult, there is hope, healing, resources, and life beyond the temporary pain. I’ve written and spoken extensively on this theme of hope in choosing life– whether through adoption or parenting–always reminding readers of an important, albeit simple, message: It may feel like your world is crumbling, but life is not ending and there is beauty that will come of it. It just might look different than you’d expect. 

Though my life did not unfold the way that I expected, I couldn’t be prouder or more in love with the family and motherhood God blessed me with, and the grace He gave me to break cycles and heal for them.  

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