Is It A First Date Or An Audition? How To Land The Role Of Leading Lady In Your Love Life

In a culture of endless streaming and scrolling content, at times, it’s hard to imagine being the “player” or actor on the stage. It’s easy to slip into audience mode – waiting to be entertained, amused, and impressed. If content doesn’t wow us, then we discard it, because there is always something better around the corner, whether it be a new post, show, song, podcast, article, you name it.

Audience Mode

The “audience mode” mentality can go beyond our entertainment choices and impact our interactions with people too – especially when it comes to dating.

It’s possible to view a first date in audience mode. We want the Hollywood meet-cute, the clever one-liner, the swept-off-your-feet feeling, and we want it right away. We want to be won over by the guy in the time it takes to drink our coffee. With dopamine hits achievable at the touch of a button, we can start to expect our interactions with another person to be as exciting as that too.

But this is where Shakespeare’s quote comes in about being a player on the world’s stage. What if you made a conscious effort to abandon your seat in audience mode and instead took to the stage – acting the part of Leading Lady on your next first date?  

Acting Isn’t Just for the Stage

The actor with the most Oscar nominations of all time – Meryl Streep – believes this, saying, “Acting is a very valuable life skill, and we do it all the time.” 

This doesn’t mean we’re faking feelings or being inauthentic – far from it! Acting is all about connecting with your emotions and allowing those emotions to be conveyed from you to other people in a compelling way. 

To this point, Academy Award winner Streep has another nugget of wisdom: “Everyone is interesting. Everyone has something unexpected to offer, and the job of acting is to pull it out of each other.” What if you approached your next first date with this attitude? What if you thought of it as a challenge, or even an opportunity to pull something new and interesting out of the guy you’re out with? 

But First, What Is a Leading Lady?

In the era of rapidly changing gender roles and feminist ideology permeating from the billboards to the boardroom, it can be hard to envision the “leading lady.” Is she strong? Is she beautiful? Is she alluring? All of these and more. The phrase itself gives us a vision for what she could be like. 

A Leading Lady Is the Protagonist

Leading is primarily defined as “the most important.” If you’re playing the part of Leading Lady in your life, you’re the most important player. You are the protagonist, which means you’re the character who drives the action, the character who is the emotional heart of your narrative. 

This doesn’t mean you’re more important than other people, or that you don’t need your cast of loving supporting characters! But for your own story, it means you have the power and responsibility to champion the direction you want to go. You must value how vital your decisions are in achieving the story you want your life to tell. 

A Leading Lady Is a High Value Woman

Most simply, to be a “lady” is to be a high value woman. A high value woman is someone who has self-worth rooted in a healthy and hopeful vision for her life, and is willing to do the work to achieve her dreams. She respects herself and others while holding to the values she believes in. She has a sense of fun and a zest for life. 

A high value woman also celebrates her femininity. She sees through the falsehood that claims femininity is a liability or weakness. She embraces her femininity as an energy and a life force. A woman’s feminine intuition, creativity, charm, receptivity, empathy, kindness, and hospitality will be unique based on her personality and individual style, but all authentic femininity brings out the best in us, fosters healthy connections, and uplifts others. 

For a lesson in the diversity of femininity in women, look no further than the leading ladies of yesteryear. Glamorous movie stars like Vivien Leigh in Gone with the Wind, Myrna Loy in The Thin Man, Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina, Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, Greer Garson in Mrs. Miniver, Bette Davis in Now, Voyager, Ginger Rogers in Kitty Foyle, Grace Kelly in Rear Window, Meryl Streep in Out of Africa, and Renee Russo in The Thomas Crown Affair.

These women lit up the silver screen and are remembered today as such original actresses because each woman had such a distinct feminine ethos. We have so few models for authentic femininity and empowerment in modern media that it’s worth going back in time to watch these women in their roles and be inspired. These screen sirens all looked very different: different body types, different acting styles, different hair colors. But they each remain such powerful icons because they embraced their own unique personality grounded in femininity. It made them unforgettable, even remembered as household names to this day though their performances were decades ago.

The First Date as an Audition

Now for the audition part. 

First dates aren’t easy. Experts say that it can take between 40 and 60 dates to find your match. That’s a lot of first dates. Just thinking about it is exhausting.

In the acting world, when hundreds of people are auditioning for a part, it's called a “cattle call.” The world of dating apps has turned dating into a cattle-call situation, and it makes it hard not to get discouraged or burnt out.

Core Values and Getting in Front of the Right People

The first step to avoid first date burnout is to maximize your opportunities of hitting it off with the right guy. 

If you were a leading lady who had no martial-arts background, it wouldn’t make sense to audition for a martial-arts heavy role. If you were a leading lady who had the standard of avoiding objectionable material like nudity, it would be a loss for you to audition for a part that mandated those elements in a script. Just like auditioning for roles that don’t align with your skill sets and values would be pointless in the acting world, you can waste time and valuable energy going on dates with men who don’t share your core values.

Core values are non-negotiable, big picture beliefs on religion, sex before marriage, cohabitation, desire for marriage and children, work ethic, male and female roles in a relationship (traditional, egalitarian, progressive), location of where you want to live, and so on.

To date according to core values may mean being more selective with filters on dating apps, and also being thoughtful about what type of app you’re on. If you’re deeply religious and you join an app that is dominated by a general population of men who most likely don’t also hold the same core values, maybe that isn’t the best app for you. It might be wiser to get on an app that tailors to your core values. 

The same goes for your social circle. If your friends don’t reflect your core values, it will be hard to count on them for a good set-up. But if your friends share your core values, the odds of them supporting you in yours and also connecting you with someone else who holds the same core values is much higher.  

Standing Out from the Crowd

So how do you stand out in the world of endless first dates? Well, first of all, thinking of a first date as an audition is knowing what it is not. It’s not praying that the guy you're going out with will like you and “give you the part.” No, auditioning on your first date means you go into your date with a proactive, positive attitude. 

Create a Feeling of Positivity

People remember how you make them feel more than anything you actually say. This can even apply to actors. There may be famous lines that we recall from our favorite movies, but it’s mainly the image and the feeling that the actors project so strongly that makes them so loveable. 

So what if you thought of creating a feeling for your first date? A vibe of positivity, attuned listening, upbeat thinking, and friendly questions. Get into Leading Lady mode, and make an effort to pull interesting things out of the unique person you’re spending a few hours with. 

The old aphorism that “interested people are interesting” is true. The more interested you are, the more you leave “audience mode” behind, and the more interesting you are to another person. Think of all the people who only talk about themselves. We all know how uninspiring that is to be around! You will be a breath of fresh air when you show up with such interesting and positive feminine energy to your date. 

You taking the Leading Lady initiative with intentional feminine energy will play well with the right man. It’s definitely not all up to you, though!  If the guy is worth his salt, he’ll respond in kind and ask you plenty of questions too. Both men and women are doing a dance while dating that demands mutual effort, interest, and initiative. With the right guy, or even just with a man who is a good person, it’s a give-and-take that should pull the best out of both of you. 

Closing Thoughts

Next time you go out on a first date, imagine yourself as the Leading Lady – and have fun with it! Don’t be afraid to take the stage with confidence and show your starpower. Draw inspiration from Old Hollywood actresses like Audrey, Mryna, or Betty. Wear an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. If it’s a coffee date, suggest taking coffee outside the coffee shop and into a nearby park or area with people that can stir up fun comments and conversation. 

The guy who is worthy of you will take the stage right alongside you. He’ll rise to the occasion. He’ll hit his marks. He’ll be in awe of you. He’ll be your perfect Leading Man – and the good news is, he’s only a few auditions away.

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