Is It Actually A Red Flag If A Woman Doesn't Have Female Friends?

The internet never grows tired of its constant search for “red flags.” We all know that it’s a red flag in dating if a guy says he isn’t ready for “anything serious” but doesn’t seem to have any issues with asking you to come back to his place (translation: he’ll do everything but call you his girlfriend). It’s no secret that it’s a red flag in a job if an employer says the office is more “like a family” than it is a place of work (translation: setting boundaries will prove to be very difficult). And another thing that has been deemed a red flag, specifically when it comes to women? If a woman doesn’t have any female friends.

A quick Google search brings up quite a bit of material about this idea. There are articles with titles like “Women Who Can’t Have Female Friends Are Misogynists” and “Can You Trust A Girl With No Girlfriends?” There are Reddit threads where users debate whether or not it’s a good idea to get involved with a girl who doesn’t have any close friends. And social media is no different.

X (formerly Twitter) is filled with posts just like this one: “Idk why dudes would ever wife a chick with no female friends. That’s literally the biggest red flag there is,” shared X user @NickStillHere.

Many replies showed their support. “Women who don’t know how to get along with other women or have friends are definitely red flags,” one user replied. 

“I get the side-eye on this. It’s like, if you can’t chill with other ladies, does that mean you’re stirring up trouble?” another user added.

TikTok tells a similar story. In a podcast clip from Show Up with Christine Chang, posted by @cchangandco, a guest shares: “If a woman doesn’t have any female friends, that’s a big red flag. They can’t get along with other women. … If they do have good long-term friends, that shows they are capable of being in some sort of relationship.”

But the internet doesn’t only question whether a woman without any close friendships is emotionally mature enough for a romantic relationship. Women with no girlfriends are also regularly painted in a negative light as being insecure, jealous, secretly misogynistic, and a “pick-me girl.”

It’s safe to say that the internet has strong opinions on women who are lacking in the friendship department. But are these opinions true? Is it actually a red flag if a woman doesn’t have any girlfriends?

Sure, Sometimes It’s a Red Flag

Just like with most of the internet’s takes on what is or isn’t a red flag, there’s probably some truth to this idea – in certain situations, that is. It’s true that there are women out there who seem to have a knack for losing every friendship they have with another woman, simply because they’re a bad friend. 

Whether she gossips about her friends like it’s an Olympic sport, always gets competitive and cutthroat when guys are involved, hands out backhanded compliments like they’re candy, doesn’t show interest in talking about anyone but herself, or consistently talks trash about women in general, it’s not necessarily surprising that a woman who has made a habit of these behaviors wouldn’t have friends.

Still, though, the internet wasn’t calling out toxic women specifically; instead, they were labeling women who don’t have any female friends as inherently toxic. So is the narrative that any woman who doesn’t have girlfriends is a walking red flag really a fair one?

But It’s Not Always a Red Flag

Here’s where any woman reading this who doesn’t have close female friends can exhale: It’s definitely not always a red flag to not have friends, especially considering that in one 2023 survey, more Americans reported having no friends than ever before, and that new surveys are finding that the majority of Americans say they feel lonely on a regular basis. And social media shows this, with TikTok alone boasting countless videos made by women who say that their boyfriend is their only friend.

For every supportive comment that a post about friendless women being a red flag gets, there’s a comment about how this narrative doesn’t acknowledge the reality of social anxiety, neurodivergence, bullying, introversion, the desire for a higher quality of friends versus a higher quantity of them, and struggles with coming across women who were good friends themselves.

“I have a hard time keeping female friends, and I kind of just hate the rhetoric around women that don’t have a lot of female friends. … I apparently am not very appealing to women. And you’re not nice to me. So I have stopped putting myself out there. … I was bullied by women my whole life. … It’s not that I hate women. It’s just, I have not had a good experience. But I really don’t care for the rhetoric of, 'oh, you’re a pick-me girl,' … No, I’m not. You’re just not nice to me,” shared TikTok user @oliviapires94.

The comment section echoed much of what Olivia expressed. “You are quite refreshing and speak so much truth. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed my girl ‘friends’ are not really great friends. It’s depressing,” one commenter said. 

“I will be in line to checkout, the cashier will be chatting it up endlessly with other women before me, I come up all bubbly and I get 😐,” said another commenter.

While there are women out there who don’t have friends because they’re toxic, the likelihood is that many of the women who don’t have an inner circle struggle to make friends for a wide variety of reasons that have nothing to do with “internalized misogyny.” And we have to recognize that it’s not always their own fault that they don’t have close friendships with other women – sometimes, it’s because the female friends they have had were unhealthy, immature, or toxic themselves.

Why This Narrative Is the Toxic One

We’ve established that the rhetoric around women with no female friends lacks context, compassion, and understanding – and not to mention, it’s judgmental. We’ve covered the fact that in recent years, Americans in general have been growing in their loneliness. But what we haven’t talked about is the effect that this narrative can have on women who fall under the “friendless” category.

TikTok user @breehouseofhorror had some thoughts on this: “How many of us have been alienated from groups of girls? … So then when I read things like, ‘Oh, I don’t trust women who don’t have girl groups,’ like, really? That feels like it was written by the type of person who would have denied my entry into a group of girls in the first place. Like, have you ever thought about why some women don’t have groups of girlfriends? … When I was young, there was nothing more I wanted than a group of my girls…and they didn’t want me…and now I get told that I’m the one who’s untrustworthy because I don’t have that. That is what true gatekeeping feels like to me. You can’t participate in something, and also we’re gonna make you feel really, really friggin bad about it.”

This seems to resonate with the comments from women who share in this struggle. Most women who don’t have close female friendships don’t wear it as a badge of honor. Often enough, they’re women who have struggled with feeling “different,” and not in a cute way. They feel unaccepted by their tribe. They don’t revel in being the odd one out. In fact, they typically express sadness and embarrassment about their lack of a girl group, despite their desire for one. They talk about the painful experiences they had with other women who treated them badly. 

So this kind of rhetoric only further alienates these women and causes them to feel shame for something they didn’t even choose and like they’ll never be deemed satisfactory by other women – and then we wonder why so many women end up falling into the “girls are too much drama, guys make better friends” line of thought.

If You’re a Woman with No Friends, Read This

You’re not alone. It feels like you are, but you’re not. The sheer amount of women in the comment sections of every TikTok about this subject proves that. Making friends, especially as an adult, is a challenge for some of us, but this doesn’t mean you’re intrinsically untrustworthy, insecure, or a walking red flag.

And it’s understandable that after being painted with such an unflattering brush, you might find it easier to steer clear of friendships with other women. Why subject yourself to such unfair criticism? But the thing is, friendship is deeply important for your well-being. It’s a necessary ingredient that ought not to be ignored for too long. The studies even back this up – those with stable friend connections are less likely to suffer from depression and less likely to die a premature death (for reasons ranging from heart disease to other chronic illnesses).

By no means are we saying “just go make friends” as if it’s as easy as snapping your fingers. But what we are saying is that you are worthy of deep friendship, and there is a friend out there for you – it might just take a little bit of searching. Join book clubs, take classes, search for meetups on social media, and invite that one girl you’ve thought could be a friend out for coffee or lunch. 

It will take time, effort, and intentionality to find your kindred spirit(s). You might end up with more acquaintances than anything else for a little while, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, like with many other things in life, it’s a numbers game. And eventually, you’re bound to find a girl (or maybe even two) that feels like the Diana Barry to your Anne Shirley.

Closing Thoughts

It’s time we stop demonizing women who lack close female friendships. There’s no doubt that there are toxic women out there who drive away any friends they make, but these types of women shouldn’t be lumped in with women who have struggled to make friends, despite deeply desiring them. Making sweeping statements about women based on nothing more than their number of friends is more of a red flag than a woman who hasn’t yet found them.

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.