Is It Necessary To Combine Bank Accounts When You Get Married?

Some people might take issue with this, but before I got married, I had been making my own income and taking care of my expenses for several years. I was used to spending and saving on my own terms without input from someone else, and all of a sudden, all of that changed.

I now generally leave the financial side of things to my husband because, to be honest, I don’t love dealing with money, but ceding that control has been a long and sometimes arduous process. We are a two-income household, and at one time, my husband and I had completely different approaches and attitudes toward money. Like many couples, we have both joint and separate accounts, and this works for us. But there are tons of separate account-only and joint account-only apologists out there, which got me thinking. Is it necessary to combine bank accounts when you get married?

Are You Married, or Are You Roommates?

One of the central (and most persuasive) arguments I’ve seen for married couples having joint accounts is an examination of marriage itself. Are you married, or are you roommates? We’ve all seen our friends on Venmo sending money back and forth to their roommates, for groceries or rent or drinks during a night out, but it seems like doing that if you’re married goes against the institution itself.

This brings us to one of the main pros of having joint accounts: the convenience. Always owing the other person this or that for your expenses like the water bill or the mortgage can be a hassle, and when two people leave their own selves behind to become one union, it feels like the most basic prerequisite of that kind of commitment is sharing the burden of finances. 

When two people leave their own selves behind to become one union, it feels like the most basic prerequisite of that kind of commitment is sharing the burden of finances. 

Most of the advantages of shared accounts are practical. If something were to happen to your spouse, such as an illness or an extended period of unemployment, you wouldn’t have to scrounge for income on your own. A joint account also encourages teamwork in a marriage – instead of a “yours versus mine” mindset, you’re sharing the benefits as well as the struggles, just as marriage is intended to be. There’s also comfort in transparency. With two pairs of eyes on your finances, there’s never a question about where money has gone or about sharing expenses and contributing to savings. 

Preparing for the Worst-Case Scenario

A few years ago, CNBC published an article that was pretty polarizing in the financial world. In the article, wealth manager David Bach argues that it’s “absolutely critical” to keep separate accounts, even and especially when marriage is thrown in the mix.

Shark Tank co-host Kevin O’Leary agrees, arguing that even when man and woman become man and wife, it’s necessary to maintain “financial identities” outside the marital union. The main logic behind this is because half of marriages today end in divorce, and contributing factors – including infidelity and, yes, money troubles – can throw a woman for a loop if she’s put all her financial eggs in one basket.

It may be unromantic to think of, but many women in the past have been caught off guard by discovering their spouse is not who he says he is. We never go into marriage thinking our relationship will end in heartbreak and pain, but many do. Not only that, but in many abusive marriages, financial control is the main means of enforcing abuse. With no money, a woman will find it increasingly difficult to leave the abuser and will be forced to stay.

It’s for these reasons that many people might feel the need to maintain separate accounts during marriage. It might be harder and less convenient to share financial burdens, but for some, independence works best.

What Really Matters

Start a joint account, or don’t. What’s really important and crucial to the health of your relationship is that finances don’t become the main point of contention in your marriage. One survey using 1,000 couples as participants revealed that for 75% of those couples, money troubles were the main source of friction in their relationship. These include conflicts like spending money meant for savings, hiding debt, and not saving enough.

It may not be necessary to combine bank accounts, but it is necessary to share the financial expenses of joining your lives together.

It’s extremely easy to let money become the focal point of tension in your marriage, especially when two individuals have such divergent attitudes and views on money. While sharing a joint account may work for the couple who agrees on everything when it comes to money, it could waste time and energy for the couple who has independent (and stubborn) perspectives on money, and who would be better suited to having separate accounts.

This might sound like it goes against the whole point of marriage – to be a united team and approach life as one instead of two – but compromise is an underappreciated part of marriage that really isn’t discussed enough. If it’s separate accounts that keeps both people happy and communicating in the marriage and keeps one spouse off the couch, so be it. 

What’s crucial here is that whatever approach you take, you both fully agree on how you’re going to go about it. Having a separate account isn’t an excuse to hide debt from your spouse, just as having a joint account isn’t an excuse to spend carelessly because the money is shared. Whatever approach you take, make sure you agree on it first and foremost. Trust and understanding are what’s important, and everything else falls into place when trust is the foundation.

Closing Thoughts

It may not be necessary to combine bank accounts, but it is necessary to share the financial expenses of joining your lives together, whatever that looks like for a couple. Getting bogged down by this, that, and the other might be a recipe for disagreement, and arguing over money is easy enough as it is. Share your accounts or have separate ones – just as long as you both agree and understand one another, and it doesn’t lead to resentment or unhappiness in the long run.

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