Is “Stack Dating” The Key To More Successful Dates?

Every millennial woman can attest to this: Getting ready for a date is no small feat. Perhaps they were influenced by the early and mid-2000s rom-coms that depicted the protagonist primping for hours before meeting up with her date, or maybe they took inspiration from the countless fashion magazine articles that insisted the art of taking your look from day to night was an absolute must for every woman.

The point is most millennial women grew up with the idea that having a date that night meant blocking off at least two hours beforehand in order to get ready – to exfoliate and shave their legs, to rip out that pesky mustache, to give themselves a salon-quality blowout, to take extra care to ensure their makeup was flawless, to pick out the perfect ensemble, right down to her accessories. The prep before the date took as long as the actual date, so much of a woman’s evening centered around that date. Her schedule was molded around it, rather than the other way around.

Enter: Gen Z, with their middle parts and barrel leg jeans and faux freckles. As is the case with everything else this generation interacts with, Gen Z has been slowly changing the dating landscape. They use dating apps less than millennials do, are less likely to drink on dates than the generation above them, and are said to have less of a penchant for flirting. Another thing that’s been shifting ever since Gen Z became old enough to date? Investing too much time prepping before the date.

These days, Gen Z has begun to take a different approach to dating – “stack dating.” So what exactly is it?

What Is Stack Dating?

In direct contrast to the millennial woman’s inclination to spend an hour or two getting ready for a date, Gen Z’s method of stack dating, also called “errand dating,” essentially looks like fitting a date into your schedule rather than shifting your schedule around to accommodate the date. You might even line up several dates on any given day. Whereas a date used to be the thing you did that day, with stack dating, the date is tucked into your free moments, seen as just another day-to-day engagement – the way that you might treat going to the gym, getting coffee with a friend, or calling your parents to catch up.

The approach is certainly a departure from how we’ve treated dating in the past. So we have to ask: Is it a better method, or not? Does it take all the romance and butterflies out of dating, or is it wiser to go into it with a low-key attitude? Is it the secret to more fun dates and better luck in love, or did millennials have it right before Gen Z came on the scene? Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of stacking your dates.

Pro: You’re Less Likely To Feel Like You Wasted Your Time

Haven’t we all been there? You curled your hair, swiped on your fanciest eyeshadow palette, donned your favorite little black dress, and spritzed yourself with your more luxurious perfume, only to not even be a good match with him. And if things went badly enough, you feel like you wasted your makeup, your time, and your emotions, all for a dud of a date.

This is where stack dating wins out. If a date doesn’t go well, you aren’t as likely to feel like you wasted time if you had approached the date as something to fit into your schedule, in between taking your dog to the groomer and thrift shopping with your sister. Plus, if you have another date later that day, you won’t feel like your efforts have gone entirely to waste. Your disappointment matches the amount of yourself you’d poured into the date – so if it wasn’t much to begin with, you won’t be too disappointed.

Con: It’s Harder To Be Invested

When the date you go on is the only one you have planned that week, you’re able to become emotionally and mentally invested. You’re focusing on flirting over text in the days leading up to the date, thinking about how to make conversation with him unique, dreamily wondering where things might lead.

But if this date is not only just another thing you have on the docket that day, but one of a few dates you have that week, then it will be more difficult to let yourself become invested at all – which means the date has a lower chance of going well, and you have a greater chance of potentially missing out on what would’ve been a good match, had you been more present.

Pro: There’s Less Pressure

The one thing we can all agree isn’t fun about first dates? There’s so much pressure for things to go well. He’s the guy you’ve been talking to, the guy you’ve been thinking about, the guy whose social media you’ve been obsessing over, the guy you’ve told your friends about. You might have even allowed yourself to begin daydreaming about what it would be like to call him your boyfriend. Whether or not you realize it, there’s a good chance that you’ve put pressure on the date to go well. If it doesn’t, then you’ll have to undo the emotions you’ve let get tied up – the relationship you’ve been envisioning, the excitement you felt, the feelings you nurtured.

Stack dating is one way to keep that pressure from building up. Because you don’t allow the date and how it goes to have much power over you, if it goes badly (or even just meh), it won’t feel like all of your hopes came crashing down. It’s not a big deal either way.

Con: It Might Not Be Suited To Your Personality

Your personality type will influence the kind of date (and the kind of approach to dating) that will be advantageous. Some personalities – more extroverted ones, typically – are well suited for a variety of social engagements throughout the week. And the less predictable you prefer things, the more likely it is you’ll find stack dating natural to your personality.

But stack dating isn’t suited to every personality. If you’re on the introverted side, you’re more likely to feel drained by too many social interactions, and not able to even enjoy more than one date in a day – or even in a week, for that matter. One date per day (or few days) might be all your social battery can take. And if you thrive with more structure in your schedule, you might struggle with the fluid nature of stack dating – every week will be different, and a crop of new dates might pop up on random days, at random times, rather than the typical Friday or Saturday evening.

Pro: There’s a Clear Cut-Off Time If It’s Not Going Well

We’re willing to bet you’ve had this unfortunate experience: It’s clear to you that you’re not a match with the guy sitting across the table from you. You don’t want to be rude and cut things short, but you aren’t so sure about getting dessert together after the movie. You wish you’d agreed to something simpler and shorter, a date that had a clear cut-off time.

Stack dating eliminates this worry because it’s understood that you’re fitting the date in between other items on your to-do list. There’s a built-in cut-off time that will come in handy if things aren’t going well – no more having to come up with an excuse not to take a post-dinner stroll together, or sticking it out against your desires. And if things are going well, that just means you’ll leave him wanting more.

Con: It Takes Away Some of the Magic

There’s a certain amount of magic in talking to just one guy rather than a couple of them. You aren’t splitting your excitement between different dates, aren’t balancing two different potential suitors, like stack dating will lead you to do. You’re pouring all of your emotions and energy and excitement into a guy who has shown himself to be special enough for that.

On top of that, when you do end up finding Mr. Right, there’s a chance he’ll feel conflicted about you having been dating other guys in the early days of your relationship. Think about things in reverse: If your future boyfriend or husband took a different girl out the day (or mere hours) after your first date, that could take some of the magic out of it for you.

So, Should You Try Stack Dating?

We’ve gone over the pros and cons of stack dating, but you might still be wondering if this is the approach for you. Is it the way you’re finally going to find love, or does it make a bunch of promises it can’t keep?

If you find it challenging to find time for dates, or if you’re looking for a way to shake up your romantic life, then stack dating might be a good approach for you. However, if you’re truly looking to find your special someone, we would advise you to be thoughtful of the dates you do choose to go on rather than agreeing to a date because it coincides with your schedule. As is the case with any method of dating, stack dating isn’t a foolproof way to find love, but it could help break you out of a rut.

Dating for a relationship requires thought, time, and energy. There is no shortcut to finding the right person. Stack dating could be a helpful strategy to shake things up, or it could be a distraction. It’s important to take your personality, schedule, and desires into account before jumping into a new dating fad. 

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