Marriage Needs A New Marketing Campaign

You’ve probably seen the various red pill podcasts branding women as “lower value” if they’ve had sex before marriage. Or, according to strength coach and YouTuber Elliott Hulse, even if she’s a virgin but she’s past 25, she’s still no good because she’ll be too broken from the relationships that haven’t worked out to be worth marrying. Hulse tells men to stay single until their 30s while they work on themselves, so that when they are their “best selves,” they can find a woman in her early twenties to “mold her” into what he wants her to be. Pretty gross, right? Hulse might want to work on his pitch because being “molded” into someone else’s idea of perfect sounds less like a love story and more like the plot of a dystopian sci-fi movie.

We also have women encouraging other women to marry men they aren’t even attracted to... because nothing says “happily ever after” like lifelong ambivalence. Some women, like Pearl Davis, tell women to stay in a marriage even if she’s being abused or regularly cheated on for the good of the children. On the other hand, we have online communities of women telling others to leave their husbands as soon as the going gets tough. 

It’s all so unromantic and clinical. Who would want to get married listening to all that negative commentary? 

Plus, it’s difficult to formulate a persuasive argument for marriage because it has such a bad reputation. You only need to look at the history of marriage to see why modern feminists wouldn’t like it. For centuries, marriage was abused and used as a tool for both men and women to gain fortune, resources, and status. These were marriages of convenience, not love. Women were often seen as commodities, and that was all we could seemingly be in a society where women had no power or say in the running of things.

Thankfully, marriage has changed in the Western world. It’s now a choice made by couples together. Although elements of the past – such as marrying for a higher status in society – still permeate into marriage, love ultimately takes the lead. Men and women choose to marry the person they adore and genuinely want to build a future with. And for a while, this worked. Many elderly couples we meet today have been with their spouse since their early 20s – and they’ll stay together until the very end. However, according to divorce lawyer James Sexton, 56% of marriages end in divorce these days. This statistic is actually a skewed reputation, but we’ll get into that in a moment.

Divorce is, of course, necessary for certain circumstances. But as obtaining a divorce has grown easier and easier – and marriage has become less of a promise to God – divorce rates have noticeably increased. 

So it’s no wonder why many people in 2024 only view marriage as a “piece of paper.” Its value and meaning have become completely lost for countless singles. No longer is it a commitment until “death do us part.” Often, people care more about the Instagram-worthy wedding and competing with others than the actual marriage and future they’ve promised to their spouse. And for some people, it’s become a box-ticking exercise, where they marry the person they’ve been living with for years simply because it’s the “next step,” not because they’re ready to commit their life and love to this singular person.

Marriage Myths Busted

At age 20, Millie Bobby Brown married Jon Bongiovi, and the internet was pretty torn up about it. Countless commenters online said they were far too young to get married. A lot of this belief comes from the high divorce rate statistics and the belief that by marrying older, your marriage is more likely to work out. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The Marriage Sweet Spot

It seems logical that a person’s marriage is more likely to work out if you marry in your late twenties/early thirties, as you’re older, wiser, and can make a more informed decision. However, that’s not what research has shown. A potential sweet spot for marriage is 25 years old. In psychologist Dr. Meg Jay’s book The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now, she writes, “The most recent studies show that marrying later than the teen years does indeed protect against divorce, but this only holds true until about age 25. After 25, one’s age at marriage does not predict divorce. These findings run counter to the notion that it is unquestionably better to postpone marriage as long as you can.”

Researchers aren’t entirely sure why this happens, but they believe it may be because people are less set in their ways in their 20s. This means that couples who get together during this time are able to grow with their spouse and change and adapt to what’s best for their spouse, themselves, and their marriage. People in their 30s, however, have built a life around their desires already and are more set in their ways, so if they need to adjust some poor personality traits – like being selfish with their time or prioritizing their own needs over their spouse’s – it’s harder to do so, making relationships more difficult to maintain.

Debunking the Divorce Statistic

Although divorce lawyer James Sexton claims 56% of marriages end, this statistic needs to be broken down to be properly understood, as it includes all marriages. But if we look at the numbers for first marriages only, the divorce rate is about 43%. When second and third marriages are included in the stats, the divorce rate increases. This is because someone who divorces one person and then remarries is more likely to get divorced again. It’s these people, in particular, who drive up the divorce rate statistic. According to Forbes, 60% of people who get married a second time will get divorced again, and 73% of people who marry a third time will divorce again. This is why Sexton’s statistics somewhat misrepresent what’s actually happening.

Another element that skews the statistics is the class and education of the people who marry. Those who don’t pursue higher education are more likely to get divorced, as 8 in 10 college-educated women have a chance of having a marriage that lasts two decades or more. Moreso, what these stats also don’t reflect is that around one-third of people who get divorced actually end up regretting doing so. Previously, only people who were genuinely miserable in their marriages would get divorced. But the divorce culture we now live in is encouraging people to get divorced who otherwise would have stuck the hard times out.

The Women Making Marriage Hot Again

So, with all those myths debunked, let’s get into the new marketing campaign. First and foremost, here are some of the married women we're looking to lift up as a positive example for future brides:

Blake Lively

The internet has gushed over Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ relationship for years. It’s clear to see in videos on the red carpet how much love and respect they have for one another, just by how they interact and look at each other.

Not only do they poke fun at each other in social media posts, but they also support each other in their work. They show how fun and comforting choosing a lifelong partner can be.

And if that wasn’t enough, Blake’s viral speech about who Ryan is as a husband and father displays the true joys couples can find when they choose to be together and build a life they love.

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey broke red pill ideology recently when she married alligator tour guide Jeremy Dufrene. Not only did she “marry down” in terms of status and wealth, but she’s also 39 years old. Red pill reasoning says that women after 30 have hit “the wall” and that no man worth being with would want a woman who isn’t young, fertile, and impressionable. Lana, and all her success and millions, shattered their red pill beliefs simply by falling in love and saying “I do.” Take that, Whatever podcast!

Sofia Richie

It girl Sofia Richie married Elliot Grainge in 2023 at age 24. The star-studded wedding took place in the South of France. Following the charming, elegant, fairytale wedding, Richie even inspired a new fashion trend on social media called “the classy young wife” era. TikTokers were seen throwing away their club clothes to opt for a more demure, tasteful, young wife look. Sofia shows lifelong commitment has never been so fashionable!

Nara Smith

TikTok creator Nara Smith married fashion model Lucky Blue Smith in 2020 in California. Nara gave birth to her three children with Lucky Blue Smith before she turned 23 and has said she “always wanted to be a young mom,” particularly because her father had expressed his regret over having kids later in life. With her jaw-dropping outfits and her home-cooked meals, Nara is making modern motherhood and marriage look aspirational and beautiful. 

Hannah Neeleman

Hannah Neeleman, known on social media as “Ballerina Farm,” posts all about homemaking, farming, and raising eight children. Her lifestyle has drawn a lot of criticism from feminists who are disappointed she’s chosen to become a wife and mother over a successful dancing career. Even though Neeleman has admitted that she chose to give up a piece of herself to take care of her children, she still maintains she wouldn’t change it, as she always knew deep down that she wanted to raise her babies. Hannah shows the joy of collaborating with your husband on a joint business and demonstrates that you can still make lofty dreams become a reality while raising a big family.

Millie Bobby Brown

As previously mentioned, Millie Bobby Brown’s engagement at 19 caused a real stir on the internet. Thankfully, she didn’t let that undermine her confidence in her relationship. In a 2023 interview, Brown said, “After we met we knew we never wanted to leave each other’s side. You can’t pinpoint why [someone is 'the one'], it’s just the feeling of knowing that that’s the person you want to spend the rest of your time with. … The one thing that made clear sense to me was him.” Both Brown’s and Bongiovi’s parents were supportive of their young marriage, which is rare in and of itself these days. Brown and Bongiovi wed earlier this year, proving you’re not too young to get married when you find true love.

How Marriage Benefits Both Men and Women

It shouldn’t be a surprise that spending the rest of your life with the person you love will make you happy and improve your mental health, but with society’s current attitudes toward marriage, many believe marriage makes people miserable. However, Harvard researchers found that married women exhibited “greater psychological well-being on multiple indicators including greater positive affect, purpose in life, hope, and optimism.” Similarly, researchers from the University of Chicago found that marriage and committed romantic relationships lowered men’s stress hormones. And finally, a study from the Italian National Institute of Health reported that married people had the lowest rates of suicide.

It’s certainly true that marrying solely for financial gain isn’t a healthy decision, but there’s no getting around the fact that being married is financially beneficial for both men and women. Not only are married women able to accumulate more wealth over time, but married men make more money than single men.

Beyond building a life with someone you love, growing together, and making memories with your soul mate, marrying also improves a person’s physical health. Married men have been found to make healthier choices, such as eating better and choosing not to smoke, while married women have been found to have a 35% lower risk of death and cardiovascular disease.

Become a Pro-Marriage Influencer

I had a friend who once said she didn’t want to get married because she believed it to be “archaic.” I found this odd because marriage wasn’t part of our experience from the very beginning of humanity’s existence. In my opinion, society’s current attitude toward sex and relationships is far more “archaic” than marriage could ever be. People are engaging in casual sex with others solely based on physical attraction, and long-term relationships are fizzling out. We were once a monogamous society, but now we’ve almost reverted back to a time before marriage and monogamy existed.

How can we shift the culture to be more pro-marriage? We may not be influential public figures with followings in the millions, but there are ways we can better market marriage to our own circle of influence. One way is through educating your friends when they bring up the divorce rate or list reasons against marriage. You can do this easily by breaking down the divorce statistics for them and letting them know there are benefits for both men and women in choosing a lifelong partner. It isn’t all doom and gloom like society says.

If you’re married, how you talk about your own marriage can be a significant factor in changing other people’s views on marriage. Speak positively about your spouse in public, and don’t be shy about sharing what you love about being married. It’s fine to acknowledge that there are elements of marriage that couples find difficult, but avoid venting to people who don’t need to know that information. It’s important to highlight the joy we all can experience in a healthy marriage. 

Another way anyone can support a pro-marriage culture is to support married couples, especially during difficult periods. A lot of couples tend to struggle when they have a newborn baby, and this can even lead to divorce for many couples. In these times, a couple may need help from their friends and close community to get through the sleepless nights. For example, you could set up a meal train or prepare a lasagna for new parents in your life, offer babysitting services once they feel comfortable leaving the house for a date night, or even offer to help with their laundry or dishes so they have one less thing to worry about. This is something communities used to do for new parents but, sadly, has become lost over the years.

So, let’s give marriage a fresh spin – one that helps people find the Ryan Reynolds to their Blake Lively, and the Millie Bobby Brown to their Jake Bongiovi. One that shows marriage to be a genuinely fulfilling aspect of life, not an outdated institution.