Matchmaker Laura Jacobs Gets Candid On Embracing Motherhood And Offers Expert Dating Wisdom

Laura Jacobs, the model-turned-matchmaker known for her ability to bring souls together, found herself single at 33 – and it scared her. Like many women, the blue-eyed blonde bombshell wanted to find love and have children. She'd just spent the past two years healing her wounds from a toxic relationship, a painful, yet powerful experience many women are familiar with today. The fractured relationship had taught her a lot about herself, leading her to self-love and to recognize what she needed in a partner. After a transformative period, Laura met her fiancé, Kevin Neal.

On their first date, Kevin asked Laura how many kids she wanted. "Well, at least two would be nice," she said. "That's not going to work for me," he replied. She felt defeated. Every guy she'd dated in the past felt the same about having a family: They either didn't want any kids or only wanted one. After a brief moment of silence, Kevin surprised her. "That's not going to work, because I want four kids. How do you feel about that?" Laura was pleasantly surprised, but she had some concerns. Would she still be able to have a big family in her 30s?

Three years later, Laura and Kevin welcomed beautiful twins, and after their first birthday, she became pregnant again – with another set of twins. Their beautiful family is complete, with her due date coming up in November 2023. "It's all fun and games dating and falling in love with the 6'7" guy until you literally birth an entire sports team," she jokingly told me. 

We're only halfway through 2023, and it's already been a significant year for Laura. This year, she made a memorable appearance on The Roku Channel's Match Me in Miami, a reality TV series that chronicled the journey of her matchmaking agency alongside Devyn Simone, showcasing their team of tenacious employees. Filming began only six weeks after Laura had welcomed her babies, and her struggles with working postpartum were not at all evident to viewers and, sadly, to some of her castmates. I asked her how she managed the responsibilities of being a new mom while also working on set. 

"I have to be honest," Laura tells me. "I didn't. I struggled the entire time. And I think, watching the show back is definitely hard for me because I see myself struggling. I was a first-time mom, so I didn't know what I was committing to, and I don't regret it in any way – but I think there's no sympathy for new moms." As the cameras rolled, the new mother grappled with having to pump during 15-hour-filming days, resulting in discomfort and pain in her back and breasts. She had to use wearable, hands-free breast pumps, which she wore under her shirt.

To make matters worse, one of her employees – Nelly Sudri – made a comment about having her "chest" out "on display," insinuating that what she was doing was inappropriate. This comment greatly affected the new mom, and understandably so. “It hurts so bad because it's our right as mothers to feed our kids,” Laura says. “Like, you've got to be kidding. It’s actually Florida law.” According to the U.S. Department of Labor, breastfeeding employees are entitled to have breaks and a private space to pump and breastfeed. She continues, “I feel like people watching this show are maybe younger, and they're kind of insensitive to that. And I wasn't putting my body on display."

If that wasn't bad enough, Nelly further disrespected her newborns and doubled down on social media rather than apologizing. In episode four of Match Me in Miami, Laura approached Nelly in an effort to work things out between them, but it instead turned into her castmate screaming at her. Things didn’t improve between the colleagues throughout the series, and I could tell the lack of support took a toll on Laura. It’s become evident that the media and society often disrespected and neglected mothers. "I think when you're watching reality TV you forget that these are actual human beings. Like, I'm a human being,” she states, “and my 2-month-old infants were insulted on national TV. That's pretty freaking hard for me to deal with."

Throughout the show, Nelly received plenty of screentime when it came to defending herself, but it seemed like Laura didn’t get as many chances to defend herself. I hope whoever comes across this article can acknowledge the pain Laura endured behind the scenes. While her main goal was to highlight the impactful work accomplished by her and Devyn's agency, she couldn’t remain silent about the vitriol she faced. “I got insulted in a way that's so deep and personal, and to be insulted for feeding your kids... It's like getting a knife through the stomach,” Laura recalls.

Regardless, she and Devyn achieved their goal: to show people their skills and innate talent in matchmaking. 

Nicole Dominique: What’s it like being a new mother?

Laura Jacobs: I love being a mom. I think it's definitely an adjustment. I mean, it's honestly my personal opinion that mothers, the whole idea of mothers in society, have really been forgotten almost. In general, society is very superficial these days. I read an article on this recently, that once you become a mother, you're a bit outcasted in society. It's like, "Oh, you're not hot and young anymore, and you're a mom now, and you're just gonna be inside with your kids." And there are a lot of issues that I feel society just doesn't care about, and they don't want to hear about it.

The postpartum period, for example, which is the period after birth, is a huge adjustment. Your hormones are all over the place. And I remember posting about this, and people said, "Oh, you have postpartum depression." No, I don't. It's called the postpartum period. There's this lack of education about mothers.

We used to be a tribe. We used to have a tribe to help us. Now, we just have ourselves. I have a nanny, which is great that I'm able to have a lifestyle and can afford that – but not everybody can. I just feel like there's a lot of judgment and misconceptions. One of the judgments that I've gotten recently, which is hard to deal with, is, "Oh, you have twins, and then you're going to have more twins. Are you sure you're going to have time to work?" And that's just a really hurtful comment. I understand where it's coming from, but I work from home now, and I have a schedule I'm very happy with. I hang out with my kids every day, and I only take a certain select few clients. I work really hard. It's hard to be dismissed, that just because I'm a mom, people think I can't do my job anymore. But I do love being a mom, it's something I wanted to be my entire life, and I love it. I have a lot of respect for moms, and I think it's definitely a life transition.

ND: How did you become a matchmaker?

LJ: I started matchmaking eight years ago, in my late 20s. I was living in New York at the time, and I was struggling with my own dating life. A friend told me, “God, you've got to go see my matchmaker.” And I was like, wait, that's a real job? Are you kidding? And so I did. I went and saw five matchmakers in the city, and I realized that not only is this a job, this is an industry in New York, and it's still like that. These ladies have offices, and they're awesome. They interview you, and they get to know everything about you. After going to five or six of these interviews and being set up on pretty great dates, I was like, “I want to do this. I want to do this so bad.”

I have a psychology background. I love studying people and interpersonal relationships, and love was always so interesting to me. I was like, this is my calling. So I went to the top firm that I connected with the most, and they were also the best. I said, "Please teach me everything. Give me a job or something. I know I don't have experience, but I just want to learn from you guys. Even if I come here in between my model castings, will you teach me what's going on?” And they were like, “Yeah, we love you, and we'll teach you whatever you want.” So I started working for them months later and scouting for them, scouting other women to get set up with their clients, and I started working with some of their clients. I got really lucky because it's very hard to find a job in this industry.

ND: That's so cool. I can totally understand why everyone is DMing you and asking, "Girl, how do I do this?" because you're essentially playing Cupid and then getting paid for it.

LJ: The funny thing is, though, yes, it's rewarding and fun, but it's definitely not easy. People think it's so easy and they can just do it. I mean, I thought that in the beginning too. But you're dealing with really high net-worth individuals who are really picky and think they can give you a Chipotle ingredient list of what they should have in a partner. So it's tricky for sure. It's also fun, but it's a challenge every day.

ND: Can you share one of your most memorable setups with us?

LJ: A guy or girl will always come to me, and they're sure of what they want – she has to look like this, he has to have this degree, he has to be over this height. These stringent requirements are actually holding people back, but you're paying me, so I have a method where I'll give you what you want. I'm going to give you exactly what you want.

Then, at a certain point, what I find happens – and this happened with a particular client – he came to me after about three months after a bunch of first dates with exactly what he wanted. And he was like, "I'm so frustrated. I'm not connecting with any of these women." I'm like, "Yeah, are you ready to take a leap of faith and listen to me, and perhaps go out with someone that I think would be phenomenal for you? Are you ready?" 

And he said, "Yeah," and he's still asking about the requirements. I said, "No, we're not doing it that way. You're going to go on the date. I'm not going to show you a picture, I'm not going to tell you what she does. I'm not going to do any of that because you're just going to say 'no' to her, but she's actually amazing for you. I know what I'm doing. So will you take a risk?" So he went out with this girl. He said, “Oh my God, instant connection,” and they got married. So, if you trust me, I know what I'm doing, but a lot of clients don't get there. They don't all have that breaking point moment, but a lot of them do, which is really great. 

ND: Would you say many people who come to you have a checklist with these superficial requirements?

LJ: Yes. Men are really the worst with it, though. If men aren't attracted right away from a photo, they're just passing, and it's really hard and a challenge at work. I feel like women are a little more open – not all women, but some. If the guy's cute enough, they'll take a risk and go out because women understand that attraction can build. But if a man's not attracted by the photo, he's like, "No." It's challenging because that woman could be great for you.

ND: How do you work your magic? How do you pair people up? Is it intuition? 

LJ: I do use my intuition a lot. I firmly believe that matchmaking is a gift. I think you have it or you don't. I've worked with a lot of amazing matchmakers, who I really respect and believe have gifts, and a lot that I don't think do. That's just being candid. 

It's a process. We interview someone really extensively. We go talk about their childhood, we talk about what happened in their past relationships. What do they really want? What is holding them back? Especially with women that I coach and become clients at 35, 36, and 37, and they want a family so bad, they want kids. Well, how did you get here? And it's hard to put the mirror up and look at yourself, but it usually ends up being the same reason: They let a certain guy waste their time, because they had chemistry and were so hot, or whatever. And that's great and everything, but, could he be your husband? Would a husband act the way he does? Would a husband treat you badly? Would a husband waste your time? No. It's a process of self-exploration for the clients and also definitely intuition. Sometimes I sit down with a client right away, and I get an immediate hit of who they'd be great for, but they have to be open to that suggestion.

ND: How long does the matchmaking process take?

LJ: We do three-month, six-month, and one-year contracts. I believe love doesn't have a specific time. It also depends on how ready the client is, how ready they are to take direction, take advice, and if they're good at dating. It sounds silly, but sometimes we have to tweak a lot of things. I've had male clients who always get feedback and do weird stuff on the date. Nothing creepy – it's just them being awkward, sitting all the way across from her, looking at the bill too long. Women hate that, you know?  Once we tweak that, they have better dates. 

It all depends. I have clients where I find them a match in three months, and others that have been with me for years that are really happy with me and the service and don't want to go back on dating apps but still want to keep a matchmaker. They just haven't found that one yet, but I'm still doing my job, and they're doing theirs.

ND: What sets you apart from the other matchmakers?

LJ: I think, for me, I practice what I preach. I don't want to put anyone else down, but I do want to say that's very rare. I'm honestly one of the few matchmakers that have been successful in my own love life. If you look, a lot of matchmakers are still single, even some of the most famous ones. I'm not putting down their skill. You can still be an amazing hairdresser and have bad hair, but I don't know if I would trust you if you came in with bad hair and you're going to do mine. 

There's also my experience with being younger, and many matchmakers are older. Again, I'm not putting that against them. They have their own style, but they haven't gone through the trenches like I have. They haven't been through the city dating apps, the guys ghosting, guys not looking for anything serious, or toxic relationships. I can relate to my clients. I know exactly where they've been, I've been there, and I know how much it sucked. I have a lot of empathy for that, so I think those things set me apart. 

ND: What are the biggest struggles your clients are having? 

LJ: For women, it's not meeting anyone who is serious, for sure – not from our clients, because they sign up and spend money, so they're serious and know what they're looking for. But in general, it's really hard. I think there are a lot of men these days on dating apps, and it's not the same as it was before. They want something casual, and that's super frustrating. I get that, and I've been there. It's frustrating to be going on dates, and you're like, "Oh, none of these guys are serious. Like, how hard is it to find a husband?" 

And I think for men, it's more superficial struggles, like whether it's because the girl doesn't look like her photos, or they're not attracted to them. But men have also become more beta in society, at least from what I've noticed from societal shifts. I've gotten clients' feedback that the guy will sit across from her and won't touch her hand, and they're scared. They don't have game anymore because of dating apps. I think it's changed society.

If you're a guy now, you honestly could have it so easy. You could go to a bar and be James Bond and literally go up to any girl you want to and pick her up. You could get her number because that's never happening anymore. Men are not approaching women. 

ND: Why are so many men unwilling to commit?

LJ: It's the paradox of choice. There are a lot of factors, I could go on forever, but the dating apps make it like Amazon for girls. It's terrible. I really think they've impacted society; they've done a good thing for society, too, because they've let us meet people we wouldn't normally meet. But they've also made men think, "Well, this girl's okay, but maybe I can find someone better." 

I have a course on this – mastering dating apps – and how to find a person to date seriously on an app because I know how to do it. I found my husband on a dating app, so I do know what I'm doing, but it took extensive research and psychological evaluation. I also understand that getting a new match is a huge dopamine hit, and these apps know that. They know that getting that dopamine hit is like an addiction – so you have to know when to stop.

The apps have become a gambling addiction, and dating has become an addiction. So they'll go on a date, and think, "This girl's great. Oh, I like her... But who else is out there?" There could be someone else, right? They don't know when to fold their hands, and I see that with a lot of my clients. I'll set them up on a first date, and they'll sign up and go, "The girl's amazing," but they want to know who else is out there. So they keep dating. And then six months later, they're like, "Hey, I realized the best date I went on in six months was with Anna. Do you think she's still available?" I'm like, "Probably not. You should have snapped up the good one when you found her."

There are also not many incentives anymore to commit. It's like they're not being told they have to, while women are still being told they have to. It's very common to go on dating apps and see men in their 40s or 50s, and they're not sure what they're looking for. How? You're a grown man, how do you not know? And we allow this behavior. It's sad, it's unfortunate, and I definitely worry about the later generation and how they're going to meet anybody. 

That's the real pandemic to me. A lot of my friends, they want to settle down. But then a lot of guys they date are either wishy-washy or they don't want anything serious. It's really sad because we all want love. We, a lot of my friends, just want to get married. They want kids.

If you're looking at places like Miami, New York, LA, or any huge metropolitan city, I don't think most men are ready to settle down til their late 30s or early 40s. That's a really hard pill to swallow, but that's the truth. A man is not going to be ready to settle down until he's financially stable. Women have a "biological clock," and men have a "financial clock." If they're not feeling like they can provide for you, or they're not where they want to be, that light will not go on in the taxi cab. We live in a tough economy right now.

Especially these girls who are 28 or 29, and only want to date up until 35. I'm like, "Well, that's limiting you. Because that guy is probably not going to be ready." That's not every case, and there are exceptions, but in general, if a man is not financially ready and doesn't feel he can support his family or a woman, he's going to feel inadequate, and he's not going to want anything serious. 

ND: Would you say that women have higher standards and men have lower standards?

LJ: I think it depends on the person. I think women have the highest standards ever, to be honest. I think men are actually quite easy. Men are simple creatures. You put a pretty girl in front of them, and they're like, "Great! I'd love to get to know her." Women... oh my God. I'll send a perfectly good guy their way, and they're like, "It says 5'11", is he really? Or does that mean 5'9"? And what school did he go to? Are his parents still together? Why's he wearing that shirt? He looks poor." I'm like, will you please just go on the date? They say, "I don't know, he's not really my type."

I find women to be way pickier, especially as they get older. I think, in general, women are very picky. I read a stat the other day that – especially on dating apps – 70% of women are getting swiped "yes" on. So over 70% are getting yes. And 95% of men are getting swiped "no." So we're all swiping on the same 5% of men, and you wonder why those men are players. It's because the same women are going out with the same 5% pool.

ND: What do you believe are the biggest misconceptions about finding "the one"?

LJ: Well, I think the biggest thing – and this is what I believe too – is that I think we have more than one. I really do. I think that's a personal choice and belief. But if you constantly hang onto the "one," then you'll never stop. It's like with the addiction thing and the dating apps. I've talked to many people who thought, "She was great, but she wasn't the one," and they're holding onto this image in their mind or idea of someone that literally doesn't exist.

It's holding them back. I think the idea of the one is really beautiful, but I also believe your soulmate is who you choose. You get to choose that person every single day. Like me and my partner, we choose each other every day. We choose to be teammates. I just feel like you have to choose the one. It's not this magical creature that's going to appear in front of you and fix all your problems.

ND: Would you say a lot of women are kind of focusing too much on "girl bossing" than dating?

LJ: Yeah, I would. I definitely would. I get it because that's what society tells you to do. I understand it, and I get it – I'm a girl boss too. But at some point, you have to think, "What's more important?" I just had to cut back on work and work less. The most unattractive thing to a man is when a girl is not available for a date. He will just move on.

I've seen this with my clients. I'll find a great girl, I'll ask them when they're available for dinner, and she'll give me a date three weeks out. I'm like, "Why?" They say, "Oh, I'm just so busy with work right now." And I know so many women like that. I'm not saying drop everything, but if you're not available for three weeks out, then clearly this isn't that important to you, and he'll probably find someone else.

ND: I see this growing mentality of "I don't need a man, I don't need love" among women. Do you agree with this? 

LJ: I think that mindset's really toxic and damaging. Even though you may not need a man, that doesn't mean deep down in your heart, you don't want one. I think it's a defense mechanism. I mean, tell me you've been hurt without telling me you've been hurt. I meet so many women like that, "I don't need a man, and I'm fine, I'm good on my own," and I just think, who hurt you? Then all of a sudden, they tell me about the baggage they haven't yet cleared, the things that they haven't dealt with. And this happens to men too. They say, "I'm a good man, I don't want anything serious." Who hurt you? Who broke your heart? And we hold on to these things, and we punish our future partners for it. 

ND: I noticed the trend of romanticizing the bare minimum with younger women. What do you have to say about that?

LJ: I think it's a defense mechanism. I do think it's funny, and it does help you get over someone, but it's not healthy long-term. If a guy is sending a fire sign on your story, that's just the bare minimum effort, for sure. I think the standards have fallen so low. I just can't believe the number of women I talk to before they work with me, and they're just going to a guy's house on the first date. I'm like, "I'm sorry. Do you want to be killed? What are you doing?" That's not the standard we should live by, and they're Netflix and chilling, and they're asking the guy out. It's sad. Where's the romance?

ND: What advice would you give to women who are struggling to find a partner right now?

LJ: You need to get out there. You need to use every single possibility out there to find a man because it's hard, and it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I don't care what you need to do – join every single dating app, work them. You need to ask your friends and make them your matchmaker. I know a lot of people can't afford a matchmaker, and that's understandable. So tell your friends, "Hey, I wanted to let you know I'm single, and if you have any friends for me, I'd love to be set up. That would be amazing for me. This is what I'm looking for, maybe you have some ideas."

Also, travel. Your soulmate is not gonna be in your backyard. I live in Florida now, I moved to Miami because I had hopes and a feeling that my guy was here, and he was, which was lucky. I met him four months after moving here, but Canada wasn't working for me, and New York wasn't either. You've got to try out different cities. I know a lot of friends who lived in New York, but couldn't find a man there. It's a notoriously tough city to date in, so they moved to Dallas, and my friend met her husband within months as well, and she's married and happy. I hear a lot of great things about Texas. Where I live, in Florida – Delray Beach, Palm Beach, and Boca Raton – there are a lot of serious men. You've got to explore. 

You also have to make dating your number one priority. That's really tough for a lot of women to hear, but I promise you, if you really want a husband, a family, and kids, it's got to be your number one priority. You can't make your job the number one priority anymore, because when you're 45, and you had a great career but you're alone, you're going to feel sad. I'm not saying to quit your job, I'm not saying not to focus on your job. But you need to put your job below dating. 

Dating became my full-time job – that's the only way I found him.

ND: What's your favorite thing about being a matchmaker?

LJ: It's changing lives. I mean, at the end of the day, I've changed so many people's lives, and I think there's no better karma than that. There's no better karma than being invited to a wedding of your clients, or getting a baby shower invite, and being like, "Oh my God, I indirectly made a child through my clients!" They wouldn't have met without me. That's why I do it. For me, I need a job where I help people, and that really fulfills me. I really do feel like I'm helping people and changing the course of their life, and that's really important to me. 

Closing Thoughts

Want to learn more about dating and follow Laura Jacobs on her beautiful journey? You can visit her website here or follow her Instagram!

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