"Men Are Lonely And It's Bad For Everyone": Emily Ratajkowski Talks About Why Men Are Worse Off Than Women

We’ve been told for a long time that we live in a man’s world, and in this man’s world, women are considered second class citizens who are oppressed by the patriarchy. The modern feminist narrative has ensured that this narrative remains strong, convincing many women that they need to rise up against the unfair powers that are against them. We constantly see celebrities perpetuating this narrative. Emma Watson, famous for her role of Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter film series, became a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and has given multiple speeches advocating for gender equality. “If not me, who? If not now, when?” she famously asked. In a 2017 interview, Priyanka Chopra Jones said, “I want to live in a place where a woman’s ability to succeed should be a basic human right.” 

Others like Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, and Angelina Jolie have also said many things publicly that point to how unfair it is that men are succeeding so much more than women are. Finally, nobody can forget former President Barack Obama’s famous declaration while he was in office: "Now women, I just want you to know; you are not perfect, but what I can say pretty indisputably is that you're better than us [men]. I'm absolutely confident that for two years if every nation on earth was run by women, you would see a significant improvement across the board on just about everything... living standards and outcomes." Everywhere we turn, we are told that men are doing better than women, and thus we should give women more opportunities. 

Supermodel Emily Ratajkowski is here to present something different, though. In a recent episode of her podcast High Low with Emrata, she shed light on how men in the United States aren’t actually doing so great. Ratajkowski has been speaking out on various topics lately that aren’t exactly popular in the mainstream conversation, including potential side effects from the birth control pill, and now she’s discussing how lonely men are compared to women. 

Emily Ratajkowski Says Men Struggle with Loneliness More Than Women Do

In her recent episode called “Why are we so f’n lonely?” Ratajkowski referenced a New York Times opinion piece by David Brooks called “The Crisis of Men and Boys,” which was published in September 2022. Ratajkowski pointed out some quite shocking statistics. For example, boys are twice as likely to remain poor than girls if they are born into a poor household. The largest drop in employment in American society happens among men between the ages of 25-32. Simultaneously, all the income gains that middle-class American families have enjoyed over the last several decades are because of what women are earning, not men. For every 100 women who died from coronavirus, 184 men died. Many of the programs that are designed to promote social mobility are actually made to benefit women, not men. 

Men are experiencing more loneliness and isolation that women are these days.

She also talks about the fact that men are experiencing more loneliness and isolation than women are these days. That doesn’t mean women are immune to loneliness, and it certainly is an issue with many women in the modern age (later in this episode, she shares her and other women’s experience of loneliness during pregnancy), but Ratajkowski points out that it’s a bigger problem for men than it is for women at the moment. 

“Men are lonely, and it’s scary, and it’s bad for everyone,” Ratajkowski claims. She knows her words can very likely be twisted to mean something else, but she believes we need to look at why men are struggling so much with feelings of isolation. 

Ratajkowski draws her own conclusion: There is a lot of shame around mental health for men, and because of demands to be masculine, they have a hard time facing their own anxiety or depression, which only leaves them feeling even worse and lonelier than before. However, this doesn’t make much sense. We live in a time that is more accepting than ever of men’s struggle with mental illness. They have access to talk therapy, meditation, and groups where men can support one another. Pretty much every mainstream celebrity, politician, and corporation encourages both men and women to reach out if they need assistance with their mental health. If anything, there is less shame than ever before associated with men and mental illness. 

This is classic Ratajkowski, though. She gets so very close to the answer, and yet she is so far away. In the past, she has talked about how difficult it can be to find masculine men, how detrimental the birth control pill can be for women, etc., but she doesn’t quite get to the right conclusion. The same goes for this topic. Ratajkowski wants to blame mental illness stigma and the demand for masculinity for men’s feelings of loneliness, but the truth of the matter is, we live in a time when men are discriminated against more than ever before, and it’s precisely because they are encouraged to be less masculine that they are doing worse than ever. But what else should we expect when we structure society to cater primarily to women?

Men Are Doing Worse Than Women Are in American Society Today

While society has seen significant shifts toward female empowerment and participation, there is an undercurrent of male disadvantage. These factors include lower educational attainment, reduced life expectancy, higher susceptibility to mental health issues, and workplace fatalities. Despite these realities, mainstream culture tends to favor women, often condemning masculinity while endorsing traditionally devalued behaviors for women.

Despite the popular narrative of women's mental health struggles, men are four times more likely to commit suicide, as reported by the National Institutes of Health in 2020. Men also exhibit higher rates of drug addiction, with 11.5% of males over 12 suffering from substance use disorders, compared to 6.4% of females. But that’s just the start of the disparity between men and women. 

Nearly a third of men under the age of 30 just aren't having sex.

Despite concerns over gender equality in education, statistics suggest that women outperform men academically. With high school graduation rates in California standing at 87% for girls and 81% for boys, this trend continues into higher education, with 36.6% of women earning college degrees compared to 35.4% of men. This pattern holds true in graduate studies as well, with women earning the majority of graduate degrees such as a Masters or Ph.D. Contrary to the much-debated gender wage gap, in several U.S. metropolitan areas, women under 30 are out-earning their male counterparts. This may be due to women's success in education or their determination to establish careers before considering family life. This changes in the 30s age bracket because so many women voluntarily choose to leave the workforce and prioritize family life.

Occupational hazards contribute to the wage disparity between genders. Men dominate the four most dangerous jobs—commercial fishing, logging, piloting smaller aircraft, and roofing—leading to a workplace fatality rate 10 times higher for men than for women. Women also outpace men in terms of longevity and overall health. The CDC reports that women's average life expectancy is five years longer than men's. While men are more susceptible to chronic illnesses and cancers, women tend to experience healthier later years.

While it is true that men are more likely to be both victims and perpetrators of violent crimes, women are generally less susceptible to criminal behavior. Moreover, women on trial receive 63% shorter sentences than men for similar crimes, according to research from the University of Michigan Law School. 

Although men are traditionally portrayed as the financial decision-makers, they actually make fewer financial decisions than women in 43% of households. This highlights the changing dynamics of financial power within the family unit. Women are much more in charge of things than society likes to think. 

The real cherry on top, though, is how little sex young men are having in the U.S. It’s no wonder so many of them are lonely—they’re not experiencing any intimacy with women. Nearly a third of men under the age of 30 just aren't having sex. Studies suggest that the proportion of men between 22-35 years old who have never been married and haven't had sex in at least a year is increasing. With marriage rates continually dropping and young adults delaying marriage, this isn't shocking. The trend is simple: Unmarried people generally have less sex, thereby increasing the proportion of the sexless population.

Compounding this phenomenon is the increasing number of young adults living with their parents longer. According to the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), virginity—both voluntary and involuntary—is higher among men living with their parents. Around 8% of non-married young men still living with their parents are involuntarily celibate, while 7% are voluntarily so. The data further reveals that unmarried men not living with their parents were about 17% sexless, while those still living with their parents made up 30%.

Every thriving society needs strong men to lead the family and the country.

So, why are men under 30 more likely to be sexless and/or virgins than before? Technology and modern societal norms have a significant role to play. Today's men are lonelier, more fearful of rejection and humiliation, leading to an avoidance of intimacy. This is accompanied by high rates of pornography addiction, which produces unhealthy “open loop of neurochemicals.” Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman says pornography leaves men feeling alone, depressed, and unable to establish healthy relationships with real-life women.

When you understand all these factors, you understand that Ratajkowski has drawn the wrong conclusion. Men aren’t lonely because they are told to be masculine and hold in their feelings. They are lonely because the odds are stacked against them, and our society is unkind to them; at the same time, they are given a host of unhealthy habits and practices that just makes them even more isolated and alone. Perhaps we should start asking ourselves how we can help men live healthier lives, rather than constantly tell women that men are the ones out to get them. 

Every thriving society needs strong men to lead the family and the country. If we have a whole generation of men who are weak, lonely, and isolated, they won't be able to step up and protect women and children, which is the main role that men are supposed to take on. It's more crucial than ever that we have strong, capable men at the helm; that's why it's not funny or cute to joke that men should take a back seat while women are given all the attention and benefits. A society that doesn't have masculine men in charge won't last, and unfortunately, that seems to be what's happening to our country.

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