Nervous About Your Wedding Night? Here Are Our Best Practical Tips To Help You Feel Confident

You and your fiancé simply can’t wait to be married. For starters, it marks the beginning of the rest of your lives together, the start of something you’ll both spend the rest of your lives building, side by side. Along with that, you couldn’t be more excited to call him your husband and to become a wife. And lastly, you’ve decided to wait to have sex until you’ve both said I do.

While this choice isn’t the norm these days, it’s one that you and your fiancé take seriously, one that you feel honors one another as well as the significance of intimacy. So naturally, you’ve begun to think about what your wedding night might hold – the night when, after much anticipation, you’ll finally be husband and wife.

You want your wedding night to be magical, memorable, and perfect. You want it to feel like it was worth the wait. The only problem? Well, you’ve both never done this before. You aren’t sure how to navigate this territory, how to have the wedding night of your dreams without any…prior experience in this area. 

You’re in need of practical tips on how to have a wedding night you’ll remember for all the right reasons – and we’re here to help.

An Ounce of Preparation

You’re probably spending a lot of time thinking about your wedding night, and if a lot of those thoughts are worries, that’s okay! You can help yourself feel calmer and more confident by doing some research beforehand. You can learn about your body and anatomy (including the female orgasm, the sexual/arousal response cycle, and how it differs from men). You can look up different sex positions so you can go in with some idea of what you might want to try (and just so you won’t feel like you’re going in blind). It’s also a good idea to plan for your wedding night with your cycle in mind – and more than just every bride’s worry of What if I’m on my period? For example, if you’re in your follicular/ovulatory phase, it’ll be easier to jump into things, but if you’re in the luteal phase, you might want to consider bringing along some lubricant just in case. 

Don’t Be Afraid To Talk About It Beforehand

Sex is a subject that can embarrass essentially everyone – even when we’re talking to the person we’re meant to have it with. It’s personal, awkward, and there might even be some shame tied up in it (especially if you were raised in or around purity culture). And these feelings can lead you to just ignore it and hope for the best as your wedding night approaches.

But your husband-to-be is the person who’ll be right there with you, through the awkwardness of learning how to be intimate. This means he’s the right person to talk to about what you’re feeling. Open up a conversation with him about what you’re nervous about when it comes to the wedding night (or even just your future sex life in general), what you’ve been thinking, what you’re insecure about, and what you’re looking forward to, and invite him to do the same.

Establish intimacy in your relationship by having an intimate conversation first.

When you’re granted the freedom to talk openly about sex with one another, to voice your concerns and hopes and expectations, to know what’s on his mind as well, it all feels less scary and pressure-filled. It’s all out in the open, unfiltered; the idea of sex between you two (which, on your wedding night, will be a brand new dynamic being introduced for the first time) will start to feel not so off-limits. Establish intimacy in your relationship not by being physically intimate, but by having an intimate conversation first.

Go in with Realistic Expectations

Maybe you’ve always been on the realistic side, or maybe you’ve always had the tendency to think more about what could be – getting caught up in the possibility, fantasy, and promise of a situation you’d been looking forward to for some time. And your wedding night is one event you’ve got pretty high expectations for. You really want it to be the most amazing night of your life.

If this sounds like you, here’s something important to keep in mind: It’s good to be excited about your wedding night with your new husband, but it’s also wise to enter the occasion with realistic expectations. The night might not (read: likely won’t) feel like it’s straight out of a romance movie. 

You might feel awkward or silly or need reassurance. Your new husband might fumble or feel insecure. Things might not work immediately or seamlessly. This is totally normal. Try not to put too much pressure on your wedding night to live up to fantastical expectations, and don’t get disappointed if it’s not like a page out of a steamy romance novel – you’re both human.

Enjoy His (and Your) Inexperience

On the other side of approaching your wedding night with realistic expectations is actually finding enjoyment (rather than simply not being disappointed) in you and your husband’s unique situation: You’re both inexperienced, and it’s actually beautiful that you get to be inexperienced and learn together.

Be willing to keep things light, chuckle a bit if one of you fumbles, communicate lovingly and frequently, and don’t be afraid to talk things out. Bask in the significance of what you are now experiencing, both for the first time ever and with the person you love. Enjoy the fact that you’re discovering this side of yourselves and your relationship together. Appreciate your new marriage’s unique story (and remember that things will improve).

Take a few moments to prepare in the bathroom to minimize any weird insecurities that might pop up.

Find Ways To Make It Special and Relaxing

You might be thinking, “All of that advice sounds great, but what do I do to make it feel as magical as possible?” Even if you’ve accepted that your wedding night might involve a learning curve, you still want to do everything that’s within your power to make the night one you’ll look back on fondly for years to come. Here are a few ideas.

Make a playlist to set the mood, something that’s not too distracting. Dim the lights and light a few candles to create some ambiance (because there’s nothing more romantic than candlelight). Slip into something you feel beautiful in, or even ask your new husband to surprise you with some lingerie that he wants to see you in. Take a few moments to prepare in the bathroom – spritz yourself with perfume, brush your teeth, or do anything else that will help minimize any weird insecurities that might pop up. Sip on champagne or snack on a few chocolate-covered strawberries (or whatever is most appealing to you and your new husband). This can help relax you and make the moment feel all the more decadent. Try starting things off by giving each other a massage, which can help loosen you up, calm your thoughts, and help you feel present. 

Be prepared for a myriad of outcomes – maybe reaching orgasm will be relatively easy for both of you, or maybe it won’t happen for one or both of you that night. Don’t place pressure on having an explosive first time – you have the rest of your lives for that! 

Know that penetration may hurt to begin with (though it won’t necessarily). It’s a brand new feeling/sensation for your body, and if it does hurt, the likelihood is that you’ll get used to it quickly. Just don’t freak out if it’s a bit uncomfortable at first – do your best to relax. If the pain is more than just discomfort or occurs every time, speak to your doctor about the possibility of vaginismus. Also, there’s a possibility that you’ll experience some light bleeding afterward/the next day. This is totally normal, but make sure to have whatever products you prefer using on hand.

And lastly, take your time! Don’t rush in and feel like you have a limited amount of time to get the job done. Just have fun and see where the night takes you. 

Closing Thoughts

As difficult as it can be, try to let go of your anxiety and enjoy your wedding night (you only get one). While it’s helpful to go in with realistic expectations, find the beauty in the beginning of your life with your new husband – and do everything in your power to make the night special.