Opposites Attract: These Are The Most Likely Couple Pairings

True or false – opposites attract? Some may say that the best relationships are all about that divine yin and yang, the constant quest to understand your boyfriend or husband and all his aggravating, I mean, um, alluring quirks. But how far do those charming differences go, and how likely are they to instead become deal-breaking icks?

In a recent viral video, a content creator named Marty Wadsworth detailed what he believes to be the most likely pairings you’ll see between couples, according to “science.” Marty may be spot-on with some of these predictable, sitcom-esque pairings, but is he spot-on with the science? Let’s investigate how opposites can and, in some cases, really can’t attract.

Salt Brings Out Sweet: Let’s Celebrate How We Complement One Another

Do any of these sound familiar to you? You have the “Free Spirit Wine Wife” who pairs well with the “Protective and Controlling Husband.” There’s the “Dictator Wife” with the “Clueless Optimist Husband,” the “High Energy Anxiety Wife” with the “Quiet Introvert Husband,” or the “Hopeless Romantic Wife” with the “Activity Addicted Husband.” Then, there’s the “Nurturing Positive Wife” with the “Unstable Needy Husband,” or the “Flighty Flirtatious Wife” with the “Nerdy Never Social Husband,” and finally the “Girl Boss Wife” with the “Passive Husband.”

Each of these pairings demonstrates the old adage that “opposites attract,” and while normal human beings aren’t stereotypes from a tacky sitcom, there is quite a bit of truth to Marty’s dramatized relationship pairings. It’s almost too obvious. A man who really values protecting and controlling his partner is bound to find a “free spirit” woman intriguing because she becomes his project. Similarly, a toxic matriarch – a.k.a. the “girl boss wife” – will gain pleasure from being able to call the shots with a more passive man. The nurturing wife finds purpose in caring for a needy husband. A high energy, high anxiety woman needs someone low-key to ground her. These pairings make sense, even without "science" to prove them.

In an interview with The Zoe Report, therapist and licensed mental health counselor Keischa Pruden explained that opposites can indeed attract because one individual sees “qualities in the other person they wish they had.” The examples Pruden cites are a bit more tangible than the BuzzFeed-like quiz labels: someone who is frugal might be attracted to someone who is freer with their finances, or someone who is “Type A” might be drawn toward someone who is more laid-back. 

Differences aren’t always a deal breaker because, by and large, people often like to take complementary roles in their relationships. Knowledgeable artists understand how complementary colors create beautiful works of art, knowledgeable chefs understand how adding a dash of salt brings out sweet flavors, and in that same vein, women and men complement one another to create a more complete whole.

“We are drawn to others out of needs and desires that are unfulfilled in our lives, such as a desire to experience greater connection, security, love, support, and comfort,” wrote relationship experts Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W., in a peer-reviewed essay for Psychology Today. They explained how modern romance is characterized by “the ability of both partners to continue to co-create compelling experiences on an ongoing basis,” and should actually be something worth celebrating.

Opposite Personalties Can Share Mutual Wants and Needs

Doesn’t it seem a bit self-centered to insist that your partner should think or act just like you do? Self-centeredness has been plaguing us for all of human history, but modern culture’s newfound need for individualism-at-all-costs poses a threat to normal romantic partnerships.

“In the past, every culture assumed that you found truth outside the self, either in God or tradition or some transcendent values, or in the good of your family and community,” explained pastor and bestselling author Timothy Keller in a joint interview for The Gospel Coalition with his wife and co-author Kathy. “Now our culture says we find truth inside ourselves; we are told to ‘live our truth’ and never sacrifice our happiness and inner desires for someone else. To do so is unhealthy at best – oppression at worst.”

While you may or may not adhere to the traditional biblical gender roles that complementarian thinkers like Keller or even C.S. Lewis espoused, it does make logical sense that a partnership is the sum of two magnetic, yet unique halves. Any other dynamic is duplicative – when you’re too similar, you may actually clash more than you’d think (or be bored with each other). This is why people say that marriage is a mutual sacrifice for one another that leads to long-term growth. Two become one force to be reckoned with.

So in an abstract sense, yes, the “Nurturing Positive Wife” would complement her “Unstable Needy Husband” well by hitting him right in his love language for words of affirmation. By the same token, the “Activity Addicted Husband” would complement his “Hopeless Romantic Wife” well by hitting her right in her love language for quality time.

Ask yourself – where have you seen this play out in your own relationship? Maybe you’re like me and my husband. Our moral compasses are aligned, and we share the same outlook on many elements of the world around us, but our brains just work differently. 

My husband would admit to you that while he’s mostly disinterested in popular culture, I have my finger on the pulse of current happenings. But, he’s more knowledgeable about history and mythology, so when we discuss the world around us, he’s able to provide me with deeper context and food for thought that I may otherwise miss. Together, we become more well-rounded because of the other.

So, don’t sweat the small stuff! You’re a more whole, more complete you with your man. Relationship experts will even admit that, for long-term relationship success, it’s most important to have mutual needs met rather than mutual wants. For instance, a common need would be what faith you would hypothetically raise children into, or if you want children at all! Unless a staunchly conservative man looks at a progressive liberal woman and thinks to himself, “I can fix that,” it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll ever agree on matters like abortion (and it's pretty unlikely he'll fix her too).

Mutual wants or overlapping interests may be fun bonuses in your relationship dynamic – like how my husband and I happen to share a lot of the same regional food or film genre preferences – but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if he didn’t care as much for Japanese cuisine as I do. Thankfully he does, but if he didn’t, I would hope that he’d at least tolerate it and indulge me in some sashimi and sake dates now and then.

How Far Can We Successfully Stretch Opposites Attract?

Regular tensions between a man and a woman are natural as we learn to live with the opposite sex, but in some cases, these differences can elevate to unbearable levels. It’s pretty tough to overcome unacceptable differences in your relationship dynamic –especially in our modern culture fueled by deep political divides. Your political party preference didn’t used to be such a relationship killer, but by today’s standards, it may seem nearly impossible to date across party lines. 

Do couples from opposite political parties follow the opposites attract principle? It doesn’t look likely. A recent survey by Change Research suggested that men’s biggest dating red flag is a woman who identifies as a communist. On the flip side, women’s biggest dating red flag is apparently being a “MAGA Republican.” Gaps continue to widen between political ideologies, leaving it statistically less likely for people to feel satisfied while dating someone on the opposite side of the political spectrum. 

Political homophily, or the idea that people partner up with those whose politics more closely align with their own, is now just as much of a major deciding factor in relationship success as education levels or spirituality. Those dinner table taboos? Now, they’re the norm for dating app bios. 

So what's the takeaway for "opposites attract"? That there is a limit. Opposite personality traits are all well and good as long as the "big stuff" (values and needs) sufficiently aligns for two people to do life together in reasonable peace.

Closing Thoughts

The adventure of life is best explored with someone who can, at minimum, walk your pace, not just trail behind while you march ahead to the beat of your own drum. But as important as it may be to have needs in common, relationship success is ultimately a balancing act where your individual shortcomings are addressed and hopefully overcome by one another’s unique strengths. It’s totally valid to not date someone if you know you’ve got irreconcilable differences in outlook before you even swipe right, but compatibility isn’t a caricature. Celebrate the opportunity to expand your horizons and learn from your mate – not just be unconditionally affirmed by them.

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.