Internet Roasts Politico For Saying JD Vance's Beard Represents Toxic Masculinity While Tim Walz's Crazy Eyes Show "Passion"

After JD Vance stole the show on Tuesday, Politico scrambled to help out Harris-Walz, and the best they could come up with was turning Vance's beard into a weapon of patriarchal terror.

“One of the first bits of nonverbal communication to appear in the debate was on JD Vance’s face: his beard," they wrote. "As Politico Magazine has noted before, Vance is the first White House wannabe to wear facial hair in 80 years. Our appearance is fundamental to our body language, and research indicates that voters see beards as (surprise, surprise) more masculine. That can be positive to some, reading as strength and competence. But to others, especially women, it can be negative, conveying aggression and opposition to feminist ideals."

Meanwhile, they had this to say about Walz.

“When Walz felt especially passionate about something, he’d open his eyes wide as saucers. Eye-popping can sometimes be a sign of surprise, but for Walz, it simply revealed his emotional intensity," they went on. "Early humans would have made such facial gestures to communicate strong emotions, like ‘danger is close.’ For Walz, it gave extra weight to his feelings and held our gaze."

Sure, Jan.

So Vance's "toxic" facial hair (the word they were looking for is actually "hot," but whatever) is apparently signaling aggression toward women and defiant opposition to feminist ideals, while Walz’s bug eyes were just pure passion, not sheer panic. There were also Walz's numerous blatant lies throughout the night, but who cares about those?

I'm sorry, but this isn't just media bias—it’s media acrobatics. Politico, are you good?

What's especially funny is how, just four years ago, the media couldn’t get enough of another beard—Justin Trudeau’s. Back in 2020, they fawned over it, calling it a symbol of "wisdom." I'm sorry, but have you actually listened to Justin Trudeau speak? He's cute, for sure, but the word "wise" does not come to mind.

Unsurprisingly, this wild spin attempt is getting roasted on social media, and people aren’t buying it. The attempts to boost Walz’s lackluster showing by praising his bug-eyed expressions are being called out for what they are: transparent coping after Vance’s commanding debate performance.

Other takes didn't disappoint.

Jokes aside, remember, this is a real-life analysis of people who call themselves journalists. The only clear takeaway from this debacle is that JD's performance really was that spectacular, and for Politico, desperate times call for desperate measures.

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