Sex Isn't The Only Way To Build Desire

What’s that saying? Your eyes are the window to your soul? It’s true. When I’ve looked at a man I love, my eyes can’t help but reveal what’s in my heart. A look can confirm your feelings. It can validate his masculinity and soften his heart. Meeting his eyes can quiet any storm in your mind while making you feel more wanted than any pursuit of physical intimacy. Whether it’s a look, a gentle touch, or something he said — when you love someone it’s all the little things that mean the most. 

Love, as I’ve experienced it, is most sincere when you can harness it. I know, unbridled love seems so romantic. When you love someone you just want to give that love away, but there’s a fine line between giving our love and projecting it. When you can slow down and gather your feelings, almost organize them in a way, and then give them proper direction — that’s when you can love with intention.  

When you can slow down, gather your feelings, and then give them proper direction — that’s when you can love with intention.  

At a quick glance, a sunset is pretty but not memorable. You might notice it for a moment, carry on with your evening, and later forget it. But when you physically stop what you’re doing, take a seat and admire a sunset, you can actually feel how beautiful it is. It suddenly has much more meaning. When you make the effort to slow down and just soak it in you see all the colors and feel all the warmth you would have otherwise missed. Love is like that.

Two people can experience the same phenomena differently. One might appreciate a relationship similar to a quick glance at a sunset, while their partner has taken the more thoughtful approach; both may see something good, but not with the same value. The sweet spot is when both people are on the same page. If you’re looking for a relationship with more meaning, try slowing down and having a more intentional point of view. 

There are many ways to slow down in your current or future relationship, and while it may seem counterintuitive, doing so can build lasting desire. Sometimes in relationships, we don’t give our head a chance to catch up with our heart, but that’s where the magic is. That’s the only way to fully love someone. 

Be a Light 

Gentleness is underrated. Being gentle, being soft, being sweet are ways we can embrace our femininity. Give your words, your thoughts, and your actions a chance to reveal how beautiful you are. Be a light for your partner — relationships are meant to enhance our lives. Be someone who is nourishing, like a breath of fresh air. Stress and desire don’t mix. This doesn’t mean being overly accommodating, never making a fuss or avoiding difficult conversations; you can remain compassionate while sticking to your values and upholding your boundaries. 

Give your words, your thoughts, and your actions a chance to reveal how beautiful you are. 

The point is, if you want a guy to appreciate you, be someone to appreciate. Giving someone space to talk, to sit in silence, to just be together, to really listen to everything they say or don’t say, to be approachable and slow to anger are all forms of intimacy. When we feel emotionally secure with someone, when we feel totally at ease with them, desire just builds naturally. 

Be Patient 

We’re so accustomed to immediate gratification, but there are just some things that are more gratifying when you take your time. Patience and self-control are immensely attractive qualities. Be a partner who actually makes an effort to learn someone’s love languages instead of projecting your own. It’s easy to develop a habit of projecting love onto someone instead of actually loving them. Loving someone means communicating in their love language — giving them what they need, not what you need. 

Loving someone means communicating in their love language — giving them what they need, not what you need.

It takes time to learn how someone wants to be loved. This requires patience and self-control, from both sides. It’s a huge indicator of what the other person is actually looking for if they’re turned off by the idea of taking things slow. You have to slow down if you want to learn from one another. Intimacy only grows when we feel seen and fully understood by someone, so this discovery will either fuel or extinguish your desire. 

Keep It Simple 

I’ll never forget when a guy described me as “ethereal.” That one word made me feel so loved and special to him. Keep it simple, because simplicity provides an opportunity for consistency, and we need that in a relationship. Grand gestures are nice, but they aren’t what make a relationship last. When you love someone, the slightest touch of their hand, the simplest kiss goodbye, the sweetest compliment can fill you with desire. 

Grand gestures are nice, but they aren’t what make a relationship last. 

Go back to the basics. Kiss like it’s the last time, every time. Hold hands. Smile often. Use a shampoo he loves. Don’t discredit the power of the little things. Something as simple as a look can be invaluable. There’s nothing quite like a look that says “I don’t look at anyone else the way I look at you, you give me something no other man can.” It’s simple, but it’s more genuine than a grand gesture, and it perfectly builds anticipation. If he loves you too, he won’t want there to ever come a day when you stop looking at him like that. 

Closing Thoughts

Imagine finding someone who brightens your life, who makes you feel at ease, who denies himself for your good, who looks at you like your love is something to be earned, and values your relationship more than life itself. What more could you ask for, right? Become someone like that. Be someone worth slowing down for and take a more intentional approach to your relationships, and you’ll have much better luck at building desire that lasts.