Everything You Need To Know About Watching Super Bowl LVIII

Maybe you meant to research the rules last year, but got caught up with crafting the most Instagrammable football-shaped party platter, or maybe you just haven’t had a reason to follow football until the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce romance finally made it cool. Now it’s February again, and you’re stuck going to yet another Super Bowl party without being 100% sure of the rules. 

If you want to make conversation with a cute guy by asking him to explain the game, stop reading right now and go wink at him. Men love explaining the rules of sports, and asking is a great way to drop the hanky. But if you’re in too deep and need to bro out to impress your boyfriend’s dad, here are the basics of the game, along with some helpful one-liners to make you sound like the savviest fan around.

How It Works

How Plays Work: Football is pretty structured, kind of like taking turns in a board game. Rather than continuous play like you might see in a sport like soccer, in football, everything is structured in the number of attempts it takes a team to go at least 10 yards. Your first down is your first attempt to move 10 yards. If you fail, your second down is your second attempt, and so on. If you make it at least 10 yards before the person carrying the ball is tackled, the downs start over, and you have another four attempts to keep moving toward the other team’s end zone. If you fail, they get the ball and try to push back toward your end zone. A play starts when the center snaps the ball, or throws it between his legs to the quarterback. The quarterback will usually then try to throw it forward, usually to a wide receiver, to help them run it down the field to the end zone. If the ball makes it over 10 yards without the offense getting tackled, intercepted, “fumbling” (a.k.a. dropping the ball before even getting tackled), or throwing an incomplete pass, the offense gets a first down again. If not, it’s a second down, and they keep trying.

How Points Are Scored: Points are scored a few different ways. First and foremost is a touchdown, which involves the ball carrier running the ball into the other team’s end zone (or catching a ball in the end zone). This is worth six points. When a team gets a touchdown, they’re allowed to attempt a field goal, which means their kicker tries to kick through the yellow “uprights” in the same end zone. That field goal earns them an extra point, for a total of seven. Another common way to score points is just with a field goal. If teams are on their last down and are close enough to the end zone, a lot of times, they’ll have their kicker just try for a field goal. A field goal is only worth three points in this case, but a lot of teams prefer to get three points instead of risking it all to try to get a touchdown, especially if they’re not very close. There are a couple of random other ways to score points, but they’re pretty rare, so we don’t need to get into them in Super Bowl 101. If someone at your Super Bowl party starts talking about “safeties,” it’s a good time to take a snack break.

What Positions Mean: You can go your whole life without knowing what exactly most of the positions in football are, but the most important thing to know is the difference between offense and defense. Football is kind of like baseball, where your whole lineup switches out based on whether you’re on offense or defense. The offensive line has a lot of the positions you hear about the most, since that’s who’s making plays and scoring points. If you hear terms like quarterback, running back, wide receiver, tight end, and offensive line (or O-line), those are all referring to the team on offense trying to score. The defense gets talked about with a lot less detail, but their players are broken down into defensive line, linebackers, and defensive backs. 

Who’s Playing

This year, the Super Bowl matchup is between the Kansas City Chiefs (Taylor Swift’s boyfriend’s team) and the San Francisco 49ers. Notable names on the Chiefs that you’ll probably hear are Patrick Mahomes, the quarterback, Travis Kelce, the tight end, and Chris Jones, a defensive lineman. For the 49ers, you’ll hear a lot about their quarterback Brock Purdy, running back Christian McCaffrey, and their wide receivers Deebo Samuels and Brandon Aiyuk. Important note: Christian McCaffrey is pretty hot and is Olivia Culpo's fiancée.

The 49ers are predicted to have a slightly better chance of winning, but the whole point of the Super Bowl is that it’s a really close game. The Chiefs have been on a hot streak for years, and if they win this year, they’ll have two Super Bowls in a row, something that hasn’t been done in 20 years since the New England Patriots won in 2003 and 2004. Mahomes hasn’t had his best season but has been doing well in recent games. The 49ers are looking pretty good, too, though. Their record for the season is 12-5 (12 wins and five losses), and their wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk has become a star player recently.

If you hear about the conspiracy theory that the NFL is going to rig the game so that the Chiefs will win so Taylor Swift can storm the field with Travis Kelce (and maybe so he can propose and/or they can then endorse Biden), just know that it's nothing but a conspiracy running rampant on TikTok at this point. If you run out of topics to discuss with the girlies at your Super Bowl party, bring this up and you'll have plenty to chat about for the remainder of the game.

How To Sound Like an Expert

Football can feel pretty isolating when everyone else has hot takes about the game. Luckily though, most things people say during games (announcers included) don’t mean very much and are pretty easy to recycle. Here’s a list of what to say and when:

Any time your team gets the ball: “It’s important to get a couple first downs in this drive. They gotta stay ahead of the chains.”

Any time your team gets a first down: “Great protection by the O-line.”

When your team is on a hot streak: "I'm digging the play calling, you know? Mixing it up with short passes and throwing in some deep shots keeps the defense on their toes." 

"The O-line is creating some solid run lanes, allowing the ball carrier to exploit the gaps."

Any time your team misses a pass: “If he could just get a little more zip on that throw, we’d be golden.”

Any time you’re doing well on offense: “Now would be a great time for an RPO.”

"Did you catch the quarterback just chillin' in the pocket? It gives our receivers more time to do their thing and find those open spots in the D."

“We should mix in a little play action here to keep the defense on their toes.”

For a lame quarterback: “He’s really more of a game manager, all he can do is little dump passes.”

Any time you’re doing well on defense: "Check out the D-line's penetration – it's disrupting their whole rhythm. The QB can't set up comfortably, and it's causing chaos in their passing game."

When your team gets a contact penalty: “Yeah, you’re usually fine with one hand, but once you get two on there, the refs really take it out on you.”

When your offense is not doing well: “This quarterback, if his first read isn’t there, is terrible. He can’t adapt.”

Arriving in Style

Lastly, if you’re going to a Super Bowl party, you’ll probably want to keep it cute and casual. Focus your outfit around whichever team’s colors you’re supporting (red and gold for the 49ers or red, white, and black for the Chiefs), or just wear red to make it easy. Since most parties involve a lot of couch time, you’ll want an outfit you can comfortably sit (and eat cheese dip) in, so it’s best not to wear anything too short or tight, lest you become the halftime show. Get more gameday outfit inspo here. Finally, be sure not to show up empty-handed, even if the host says she’s got it all covered. Some cute appetizers or cocktail supplies will never go unappreciated!

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